Angels blessing me!!!

If angels can come in human forms, then there must be a lot of angels around me!

Yesterday after cell group i met up with Danny and we went to the airport...! It was a fun and romantic night out and i really enjoyed myself...

We tried to travel from the west finger of terminal one to terminal 2 without using the skytrain only to find that we should be traveling by the East finger...haha...so silly but nonetheless, we had a great and sneaky time pushing each other on the luggage trolley along the narrow corridors...really glad tt none of the airline offices' staffs came out while we were running along the corridors...even the cleaners did not really suspect that we were playing...haha...

Father, u noe it was an adventurous and silly night and i thoroughly enjoyed myself doing silly things that conventional people won't do...

It was the first time i tried a small bottle of long island cocktail with danny...decided that i really dun appreciate wine...but i love the lemon jolly shandy!

The 30 minutes at my house was sweet too....we looked thru weiwen and grace's wedding photos and spent some time reading my blog...

I think i falling more and more in love witth this man that u put into my life...i want to remember all these happy and romantic moments...they are gifts from Danny to me and gifts of memories that u gave us...thank you so much for this relationship and this adorable man in my life.

Today, mummy woke daddy up when she tried to remove the mask from daddy's face when he was sound asleep. He jumped up and stopped my mum. Mummy thot he was going to scold her but no, his first reaction was to make sure that his mouth and nose were covered. Daddy was so afraid that he might catch the 'bird flu' cold from a few vietnamese girls that he drove the night before and he dun wan to spread it to anyone of us...

Papa loves us so much...he instinctly jumped up to make sure that his face mask was on...such a sweet move....such a protective and caring act...If a man is supposed to protect his family, Papa is a real life example of one who loves his family....a handsome man....my father....thank you Lord for putting him in my life and showering the family with his love...may u heal him...

Thank you for Ah Neh who have been pretty sweet these weeks....thank you for my cell group and their encouragement...Thank you for all these beautiful and loving angels in my life...i am SOOOOooooo blessed...

Thank you Lord. Thank you so much.

In Jesus' most beautiful name i pray, Amen.

Eve

Isaiah 3:16-4:1

Yup, let the beauty not be replaced with branding....i want none of that...when the beauty of a woman is no longer seen, wat is left is the branding and stereotypical perception of her...i want none of that...

Beauty....gentleness....kindness...all these are meant to be so close to a woman's heart...but a struggle in this world....the feminist movement, the obsession over positions instead of roles, the elevation of a man's role and the craving to be like them....i refused all these....

You made us a helper rite? A helper to the man, the man is the head but he is limited without the woman...tis all about different roles, not superiority...yet the world made it sound so revolutionary...so heroic to take over the role of man...i dun like this envy for other's position...dun like it at all..

I want to be beautiful, not to be branded; and i want my darling to be handsome and not branded too...We are not made nor called to be the same but to be always changing....always learning obedience, always growing...

May that be accomplish in me and all the ladies around...like jane etc...haha....and may the Man take over his role...

Father, thank you for your original plan...let it all be as it is in the Garden of Eden...yes, we failed...many times...but afterall tis a life of striving...even if tis a temporal split second renactment of the garden of Eden, Tis enough and may we always progress and grow in your Great Kingdom!

Thank you God.

In Jesus's name, Amen.

P.s. Sounds like Eliade's nostalgic perception of religion...!!! haha...perhaps he was right to a certain extent.

Insecurities

It is always when i am in a relationship when i felt the most vulnerable...i began to be conscious about myself and insecure about many things. I really cherish Danny and i noe he loves me, but i also noe tt he's a human being...a human with choice and without agape love...
Acceptance and security is something i can find in my family and in God... tis when i reveal myself more and more to Danny when i fear that he may close the door to me when he noes everything about me... and at times, the fear can be very real. A single harmless remark can be interpreted as a sign of rejection and suddenly, it seems like our relationship hangs on a thin thread...it may snap anytime. Eventually, it always about my lack of trust in human nature, my belief that humans are not reliable...belief that human beings are fickle...and the fear of being hurt by my own species.
Maybe tis a result of the disappointments i faced recently...time to time again, i will be so insecure about those around me who has a choice to withdraw from me any time...
I am so weird....can be taking things for granted sometimes and so overly anxious about my relationships with everyone all of a sudden. There must be an antecedent....maybe i should start observing myself...
Father, actually i think i noe y i am like this...recently i was hurt by some passing questions that were meant to expressed concern for me...and i felt like i will be judged or condemned again by anyone and everyone else...
silly rite?
But our hearts, human hearts are so vulnerable....they are only safe in your hands...there will be many times when u put us to trials, in situations when we are not in control nor confident...well....my confidence is in you....You alone are my rock and salvation....when i feel like man fails me, i noe for sure that u are forever my Lord and King, My Father and Lover...thank you God...
In Jesus' Name i pray, Amen.

My Knight...

"Yesterday nite, it was raining meow and woof, i din bring an umbrella...ended up calling mum...but she refused to pick me up from the bus-stop....Therefore my knight came in his silver armour with an umbrella designed shield to picked me up. We battled and defended ourselves against the arrows of rain shooting from all directions till i was escorted safely to the palace."

..... ......

It was so sweet. Really thank you for putting our houses so near each other. Really appreciate the effort Danny took to shelter me home from the horrendous rain...i felt like i was waiting for someone to pick me up and to lead me home... (and he came!)....really enjoyed the times when i have to cuddle close to him when we shared the huge umbrella. The entire walk back was not boring or disgusting but filled with joy, care and love. ....it reminded me of something...something close to every human's heart...

The waiting...waiting for your second coming...for u to pick us up from this world of sins and struggles...hiding under shelter/shadow of your wings, we seek to escape from the toils of daily living. We knew we can't go to heaven as yet....not yet. And then before we know it, u will come down from heaven on the clouds, to pick us up and bring us home...

The waiting...u came and battled for us, to die on the cross, that we may advance towards and be in your kingdom, u led our every steps, valiantly defending us with your blood against the accusations of the devil...with joy, peace, hope, love etc, u walked with us. U held on to the umbrella that sheltered us...we simply follow....and we are set free! Free from the previous "shelter" that leads us no where....free from the devil's accusations, free from weary of waiting for help...

It is all so beautiful... Many times, i left that umbrella, i chose to be in the rain, i broke free from you....u watched me go and told me you will be waiting for me...with pain in your eyes for u knew i was heading nowhere without u...

Take me back....overwhelm me with your love and joy of your salvation once again that i will not take u for granted. Let every thot in my mind be screened by you....help me to seek your word fervently every day....i want the passion to live for u, with a heart full of thanksgiving and overwhelming love, to look to you and to desire of u every day of my life till the day i meet u face-to-face....

Sorry....and thank you...i trust that u will change me....

Thank you.

In Jesus' name i pray, Amen.

My LoVe...

Today Darling msged me a lot of times...very happy...spoke to him on the phone twice..everything is just so sweet. I'm amazed that i am still so deeply in love with him even after 10 months in a relationship.
Darling is always comforted when i praise and encourage him....the little affirmations can make him smile and in turn bring joy to me...he makes me feel like i mean so much to him....well, he means alot to me too....
Am really afraid of going overseas....afraid tt it might affect our relationship....but i leave it into your hands...u brought us together....u are the fuel that lit up our love...u will sustain us....please guide us that we may con't to grow in love for u and each other...
Thank you God...
In Jesus' name i pray, Amen.

Directions

Now all has been heard;

here is the conclusion of the matter:

Fear God and keep his commandments,

for this is the whole duty of man.

For God will bring every deed into judgement,

including every hidden thing,

whether it is good or evil.

Ecclesiastes 12:13-14

I finished reading Ecclesiastes and i really love this book! Everything is so applicable and i love the sarcasm and the truths in it...utimately, i came back to the main reason of living-for you. Not that there's nothing about myself but i only truly found myself when i look to you....maybe that's y u are so fascinating...u nv fails to amaze me...thank you...i'm totally overwhelmed....i'm awaiting...excited about the change you will bring about in my lives...thank you so so sooooooo much!

Yesterday, i thought about going overseas....cuifen mentioned that she wanted to go overseas to work and that it would be a good experience...when i heard it, it sounded so foreign....but the thot has been lingering in my mind since..maybe tis time little Shoeee goes around and see wat's happening beyond Singapore...tis time i get out of my comfort zone...
I have been thinking about leaving everything aside for a while...thinking about a temporary withdrawal to welcome a permanent change in my life....i think tis so tough even to change for the better when i am so comfortable and forever in contact with everyone who expects me to be the same emotional and reckless Shuyi...
Maybe tt's y this idea appeals so much to me....while i was entertaining this thot in my mind, i struggled with so much fear and i realised how much i want to be in control...moreover i really can't bear to leave my Danny behind....my mum, my dad...these people have been around since i dunno when...i love them so much that tis hard to conceive thots that exclude them...but if i dun experience all these new things now, when can i venture out?
Father, what about u? What do you think about this? Will you grant me peace in my heart? Will you grant me courage? Will you give me enough to travel out and work? What is my master's view? Will you tell me? Will this temporary change in environment lead to a permanent change in my life? Will it help me to grow as a person...?

Father, suddenly i feel so small...teeny weeny person with great pride but minimal knowledge....limited knowledge of you and the world u've created...have been so silly and arrogant...change my heart....grant me the humility to learn and the courage to venture out...

Everything is in your hands, Father...

Today Dr Methya toked about how social workers should be aware of ourselves and find an area that suits us...i guess we all have a place in this profession. Was impacted by her words though i dunno how to express it but yup, thanks for enlightening me....yes God, i ask for direction in my career path...please guide me...

Thank you for everything.

In Jesus' name i pray, Amen.

Worthiness and Words

'Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. Therefore stand in awe of God.' Ecclesiastes 5:7

'As a dream comes when there are many cares, so the speech of a fool when there are many words.' Ecclesiastes 5:3

... ... "having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them." 2 Timothy 3:5

Master of my fate,
I stand before u convicted. Did i deny your power in my life???
Words that were unseasoned...i have spoken so many...so much to be changed by you.
I do not want to be always learning, i want to learn. Repentant before u...

I am a fool. In all my relationships...let me be a fool no longer, my master.

I want to be a good daughter, a good sister, a good girlfriend, a good student, a good cell group leader, a good choir member, a good BSF member....most importantly, a good servant to You...

In Jesus' name i pray, Amen.

chat

Missing danny now...thanking u for putting him in this silly life of mine...thanking u for putting my heart in the hands of a man who is careful with it...thanking you for this beautiful relationship...thanking you for how he is pacing me...thanking you for preparing me for this relationship... thanking u for all the wrong turns i've made in life, thanking u for all the mistakes that molded me...thanking u for preparing the two of us to complement each other...thanking u for everything....

Today is a free and easy day...finally a relaxed day after all the projects and stuff...so i'm very happy...managed to have quality conversations with meiyin and charlotte and am really glad to just be able to be with them loh...haha

I always thot my love language is touch...but i realised that i actually kept a distance and is not comfortable with hugging friends and expressing my appreciation for them...I do give them biscuits and stuff but also not often...yes...acts of service once in a while but i think i am very lazy..i dun like to encourage others verbally as well....think eventually i'm left with only one option....quality time...yup..towards friends and family. My love language is quality time...funny how i realised more about myself when i compare the difference btw my interaction with danny and others...well...not that i dun love the latter but i dunno how and am not comfortable expressing my love for them....i just want to be there...dun even think i need to tok...just be there...i pray for them...pray for those i love but they may not noe either...silly me...analysing myself...

Father, you noe, i wanna thank you for this time that u gave me...tis been a long time since i typed to you like this...chatting with you happily and just resting in your presence...awesome...i like it...thank you Lord...

Father today i felt convicted to do more for my cell members...wanted to call them up once in a while and to get to noe them beyond cell time and really be their fren....slowly k...i dun wan to run the risk of a burn out though i think i wouldn't...

And Father, do u think i should try to get myself a clinic assistant job...thot it would be interesting and i can earn some income...how? wat's your view? grant me the job opportunities and the peace to go ahead if that's your will k? and most importantly, let me seek you and be sensitive to you...

Thank you for being so patient and listening to me...you are the glorious God yet u take time to hear me out...you are the magnificent creator who takes time to mold me...thank you for being so holy and personal...funny how u incorporate all the different characteristics...but then again...that's y i have to call you "God" for you are marvellous beyond description..i love you Lord...more than the love of a subdordinate...you are my loving Father, my faithful Master, my sovereign Lord and my sacrificial Saviour. Thank you.

You have a nice night chatting with other brothers and sisters in Christ too...

In Jesus' name, Amen.

Transformation

Felt very blessed when i realised that u softened xxx's heart and preserved my marks...finally everything is resolved...all burdens are lifted...though i'm still tired from the insomnia that i was suffering from. Nonetheless, i want to praise you.

*************************************

Today i met another pri school fren and i was shocked to find that i'm the rough and vulgar girl in his memory...so silly...but tis quite interesting to look back and hear about wat others has to say about the past 'me'.

Yup, i remember those days...when i was so young.... but not innocent...when i was coarse and vulgar...those days when i spoke without restraint...those days when my hokkien vulgarities was at its peak....those days when i cried in the middle of the night....those days when i feared the death of my parents and myself...those days when i imagined funerals and how it would be like for me to lose those i love and for those i love to lose me...those days when i was without hope, those days when i was questioning life....those days without you nor the knowledge of Jesus...those days...

Tis amazing how a primary school girl can have so many fears...can have such dark secrets and desires, can have such pride and arrogance...Tis shocking that my past can be so painful...poverty so real...quarrels etc...

I dunno y i was chosen...maybe because i really needed you...i had so many questions and my life was so dark....ultimately only u have the answers....

...today i am filled with thanksgiving...for YOU CHANGED ME.

"If anyone is in Christ....he is a new creation.... the old is gone... the new has come !!!" Amen.

Yes Lord....con't to change and mould me...let me never forget how u have changed me..
I am your clay...YOU are MY PotTeR...then mold me for i am yours...

Always in You...nv enough of u...nv enough of the transformation...thank you so much my Lord..

In Jesus' name, Amen.

Apathetic and Oblivious

Dear God,
Thank you for today. Thank you for helping me finish my 15 page essay, first 5000-word essay in my life...thank you...thank you for helping me survive despite the heavy workload...thank you..really feeling v good about myself...though i'm still left with a 2000-word essay by tomorrow...i am still v thankful.
Today i lost charlotte's thumbdrive...was feeling quite bad about it but i guessed u have given enough and prepared for all things...she has already printed out all her assignments..i guess even in the worst cirumstances, my Father, u showed me that u provide...You are Jehovah Jireh, my Provider...
Today on the mrt i saw a foreign worker, shunned by people becoz he looked dirty. He was so tired and drained...my heart went out to him...suddenly i realised how culturally insensitive some of us sXXXreans have became...so unaware of the plight of the poor and so demeaning....i remembered the stares that many gave, the discomfort that the foreign worker must have felt...
All he wanted was to earn a living in SXXX enough to support his family back at home but he has to endure being a second class citizen, a degraded human being....i really wonder wat is happening in here....such a rich country with such apathetic people who are oblivious to the suffering of others, so ready to judge, so socialised into a world with only economic gains... I fall prey to this from time to time too...
Father, this world have no room for your love...we are so preoccupied with our wants and in our pursuits....i ask of u to open our eyes...open the eyes of our hearts, that we may learn to care for those around us....wat great wealth and arrogance, eyes blinded by personal gains...help us to learn to invest in non tangible gains...in spiritual realms, in things of eternal value, empty our hearts that we may have room for your love...empower us with your holy Spirit that our blessings may overflow...
If christians are to be a testimony for u...i ask of u to transform our lives that we may truly noe the meaning of loving, honoring and respecting others when we try to bring them to church...beyond words...may u bless your children's mouth, may u soften our hearts, may u open our eyes and ears that we may see beyond our lives to those around us...to be aware of social phenomenon and the culture of our society that our Bible may truly be lived out wherever u place us...
Thank you Father.
Please be patient with us and con't to work your beautiful plan of sanctification in our lives and con't to bring about your redemption in this world...
In Jesus' name, Amen.

dun stray! dun worship hardwork!!!!

I can hear the birds chirping... Tis so early in the morning, i haven even prayed to u ...I'm just sitting of the computer trying to squeeze out things to type...
Father...I'm sorry...sorry for how i've focused so many things except u...the workload is so heavy yet i forgot to share it with u... now i remember.... Help me to do it with You... That i may find STRENGTH in YOU...Thank you Father.

In Jesus' name i pray, Amen.

LoVe

I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord.

-Philippians 3:8

An ounce of heart knowledge is worth a ton of head learning.

The more I know of my Beloved, the more i will want to know.

The higher i climb, the loftier will be the summits that invite my eager footsteps.

Thank you for the dream last nite...thank you for answering my prayer in the dream...may i be the 'me' i am in the dream...that all i do, i do for u and in u.

Thank you for the 15 mins' walk home with Danny...thank you for the 15 mins that u have given us last nite....for i am comforted by his presence and care...his love and concern..thank you for strengthening our relationship and putting a desire in us....a desire for u and a desire for each other... thank you for helpng us to lean on u at this time when both of us are so stretched...thank you for sustaining us...

May u guide us forevermore to stay in u and to love u and those around us...u are love, Jesus is the manifestation of your love to me, may the holy Spirit put in me a heart of love to imitate Christ.

Thank you for my loving parents and the wonderful friends in my life...may u teach me to love...

May u teach me to love those that i do not noe as well...those out there in the mission field and those out there who are suffering...those i learn about in the news...those u allow me to gain knowledge of....Expand my horizon that i may see more of your creation and learn wat it means to love everyone...not just as a response to your commandment, a disciplined and obedient act but love that is passionate from within... truly that love may overflow to their lives and bless them...that prayers will be lifted for them.

In Jesus' name i pray, Amen.

Zombie- Abiding in you

"Are u tired of chasing pretty rainbow?

Are u tired of spinning round and round?

Wrap up all the shattered dreams of your life

At the feet of Jesus lay them down

Give them all

Give them all

Give them all to Jesus

Shattered dreams wounded hearts broken toys

Give them all

Give them all

Give them all to Jesus

And He will turn your sorrows into Joy!"

In the computer lab with Charlotte now, she is busy typing away but i can hardly function...my headache is killing me and i really think that someday i'm going to get a stroke if a blood vessel in my brain burst..but oh well, i should thank you that i have been this healthy this far..

I dunno y i am in this high alert mode these days...getting insomnia at nite and unable to relax...think my internal loci of control and responsibility can be very high at times...Father, i give my controlling nature unto u...my health unto u...my heart and mind unto u...that u make take control...

Help me to be tired of chasing all these pretty rainbows in life and help me to stop spinning round and round the viscious cycle of sin, help me to breakthru all the subconscious hurts and past that haunt me...that at the feet of Jesus i may lay everything down...

There is a great desire to break free from the standards that u set...a lust for freedom n outright rebellion against u esp when i m so tired physically...take control of me...help me to be conscious...at no point give leeway for the devil...take hold of me...i dun feel anything now...my head is hurting...i pray without passion, but nonetheless i will pray...in the emptiness, i noe u are in control. Let the delusive devil nv get me and draw me away...even when my heart seems silent, let my mind dwell on you and remain in u...

"Whoever abides in me, i will abide in him too" Let me be in you....i feel like a walking zombie but nonetheless i am a walking zombie whom u love, whom u recognised, whom u chose, whom u created. May u be the centre of my world and let my world be your world...let my heart feel wat u feel, let my eyes see wat u see, let my ears hear wat u hear...no matter how physically tired i am...let it all, all of me, be for u...and u alone...in u alone i abide...

In Jesus' most holy name i pray, Amen.

Satisfied by Your Presence

Completed one term paper today! Did my preparation for another term paper today! Feeling good about myself and the efforts i have put in! Feeling good about doing my part... Yippeeee!!!!Father i am overjoyed!!! aha!
Quite silly rite? very easily satisfied..but i am...my headache is killing though...oh well..

Wanna thank you for today...your tired and drained soldier found herself energised enough to serve u...in love, respect and honour...to be in awe of your Kingship, of your Kingdom, of you my King...
Drawing close to u and putting u above all else...finding myself regaining the little teeny weeny strength..yet enough to go thru it all...u nv promise a life full of rainbow but u told me to give them all to You, at the feet of Jesus lay them down...wat else can i ask for? My dear Lord Jesus, my Answer and Saviour...thank you Lord..
In Jesus' name, Amen.

My voice...

Danny came to my house...he planned to give me a surprise but somehow i was expecting him from the conversation that we had earlier on. Nonetheless, it was a sweet thought and nice move...i think we are beginning to learn to work around each other and tis really beautiful...
My head has been hurting for the past three days, prob from the lack of sleep and insomnia due to stress from sch assignments..Think i got danny pretty worried about me....mum is very concerned too and i guess everyone kinda noe that i am stressed and have all been very sweet and caring...
I have alot to say but i felt like i dun have the strength to say them out....tis almost like the Spirit is groaning with sighs that i cannot expressed...weary and tired....i am like an exhausted soldier...spreading myself on the hard ground, breathing in the air around me and telling myself to go on....move on....there is a battle to fight...mission unaccomplished...noeing i have an immense power and authority behind me but just tired at this point in time...
i waited and rested....listening to the gentle voice of yours....hearing wat u have to say to encourage me...i want to listen and hear u...
Weak and silent, i have stopped grumbling and complaining even...taking on wat i was given, shouldering the responsibility, nothing compared to your journey and death on earth, and saying "yes Lord", "i will..."
Give me my voice...along with everything good and fruitful..let my joy and shouts reach out to those i love once again...love u Lord...really love u...tired...but still loving u...and loving u more..

Met Peihong today...poor thing...she was so stressed out...somehow most of my cell members are going thru something big and stretched in their lives...breaks my heart to see them so tired...breaks my heart to noe that they are unhappy...bless them, Lord...Keep them in you...If i am heartbroken seeing them lidat...i guessed tis worse for u rite? keep them in the shadow of your wings...keep them in u Father for u love them...
In Jesus' name, Amen.

Needs

I am in school...din bring any of the encouraging books with me...having a terrible headache from lack of sleep last nite...Today is going to be a long day...yesterday i told u that i wan to trust u but i find that i am suffering from insomnia from the stress of having to work on the 4 papers. Today i realised tt the conflict management project is all wrong and i was pretty upset tt my grp member did not meet the dateline and they just left the LT the moment the lesson was over when we were supposed to be having meeting...I felt compelled to lead the group and motivate them and do the bulk because i wan to give the best....i told u that i will learn to give my best...i guess i have to do so even in my studies...I mean project is a very good time to be a good testimony...oh well..
Father, it is at times like this when i felt that i needed some encouragements...i still wan to find time to pray for every one of my cell members...i feel so high strung...oh Lord, i really need trust... today Charles Spurgeon told me that some of us could live out a life of faith and experience your forgiveness easily and others take a longer time and have greater inner struggles...i think i belong to the latter...It takes me so much to truly hand over...
Last nite i was tossing and turning in bed and wondering y was i feeling stressed...Father, i prayed to you and told u that i wan to see the growth of your kingdom more than the results that i will obtain from my studies...i wan to be more preoccupied with you and my life in you than my daily tasks....assignments and exams are a source of stress but i wan your kingdom and blessing your people to be a greater source of stress...i wan u to be exalted in my life more than i exalt myself. Simply because u are my creator and the reason for my living...simply because i call u "Lord...Lord". I wan my mind to be set on things above, to be amazed at your wonders and to marvel at your works...i wan to find peace and stillness of the heart in the midst of stress...i want to be Christ centred....wat about u? wat is your will for me now? Speak to me and open my heart and ears that i may hear you...hear wat u have to say about all my 'wants'...i want you in my life..wat about u? Do u wan me? Speak to me O Lord...for i am desperate and i am weak, for i am powerless and i am distracted...Speak to me for i am afraid of being lost in the world and being overly concerned with the things of this world...correct my thot process...have i understood u wrongly in any way?
I am here Lord, speak to me, forgive me and cleanse me that i may hear you...
Please Lord...
In Jesus' name i pray, Amen.

PaCkEd

I'm going to start doing my assignments...got 4 assignments due, 2 on 17/10 and 2 on 18/10..i'm getting worried and stressed but i told myself to do it one at a time...i believe u have given me enough time and enough strength...i just need to be faithful to everything including e minimal time i have...
I thank you, thank you for the extra time that u have given to me this week...danny is starting RT and he will have less time for me...Qixi no longer needs tuition so i got a whole lot more time...i just need to faithfully study and manage my time well...
You gave me enough...have always given me enough to go thru all these...i guess u gave everyone trials and temptations. Last week my whole cell was struggling...everyone seemed to be breaking down or suffering...really makes me think that this life on earth is not easy...
I feel so small...so caught up in my own world...my school, my family, my boyfriend, my cell group...is that all to it? Father, is that all to my life? What about the lives that u wan me to touch and bring to you?
Speak to me Lord...instruct my every step..show me how to walk that i may be joyful, that this journey will be a joyous one with you...relaxed...not just me disciplining myself but me loving you and enjoying your love for me...Because when i am in you, i will noe wat u wan, and i will be able to do all that is right in your eyes.
I am afraid...afraid that when as time passes, my heart will grow cold...no one's really in check of my growth anymore...no one truly noes..tis easy being a pharisee but i wan something more...an inward transformation and a burning passion. I am fearful...fearful of a life where i'm in control...yet i'm fearful of a life when u r in control too...silly rite?
I leave everything into your hands...walk with me, carry me when i feel like i cannot carry on...speak gently into my ears and guide my path...
the projects are piling up...i may lose focus of you soon....so grab me...thank you Father.
I pray all this in Jesus' most victorious name, Amen.

Transform me...

It was an enlightening morning...I struggled thru the nite about some youth zone issues...i nv got over them..i dun even noe wat got into me. I speak of yearning to become a woman of God yet i stumbled and fell so many times..Gentleness is so absent in my life and i have no idea how to be more gentle except to pray and ask You to grant it to me, to help me to change. Father, i dunno how to improve...there are lives tt i've seen transformed for you....wat about me? Will u transform me too? i am not satisfied, not satisfied with my faith nor with my heart condition....i dun wan to live a life like this, change me God...i wan to love you, i want to surrender to you, i want to live for you, i want to dream for you, i wan the bible to be truly a manual for living..I want to be changed and transformed for u...
Lord, i saw the change in dianne's life...it was beautiful...very beautiful...a life that seeks to be holy before you...waiting on you and listening to your voice and your call...that sensitivity to your voice, that patience and trust...tis beautiful, tis attractive...that closeness...
You called me to something rite? u gave me enough to accomplish that rite?
but wat is it? Am i called to be a social worker? wat am i called to? i've been seeking and seeking but i noe not of wat u call me to...how? wat do u wan me to do after i graduate? wat can i do to glorify you with wat i have?
Jim Elliot's life shows excellence....excellence and love and obedience and trust, etc etc...wat about me?
Forgive me Lord, Change me Lord, Use me Lord, Direct me Lord...Make me yours and help me never to conceive the thot of leaving you Lord, Preserve me Lord, have mercy on me Lord...
Obedience Lord...i need alot alot alot of obedience Father and trust and patience and faith...
Hear my prayer and let my Spirit thirst for you..Please Father..
In Jesus' transforming name i pray, Amen.

Encouragement

Prayer is one of the best free gifts we receive.

I asked God for water, * He gave me an ocean.

I asked God for a flower, * He gave me a garden.

I asked God for a friend, * He gave me all of YOU...

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

Happy moments, praise God.

Difficult moments, seek God.

Quiet moments, worship God.

Painful moments, trust God.

Every moment, thank God.

DADDY'S EMPTY CHAIR
A man's daughter had asked the local minister to come and pray with her father. When the minister arrived, he found the man lying in bed with his head propped up on two pillows. An empty chair sat beside his bed. The minister assumed that the old fellow had been informed of his visit. "I guess you were expecting me, he said. 'No, who are you?" said the father. The minister told him his name and then remarked, "I saw the empty chair and I figured you knew I was going to show up," "Oh yeah, the chair," said the bedridden man. "Would you mind closing the door?" Puzzled, the minister shut the door. "I have never told anyone this, not even my daughter," said the man. "But all of my life I have never known how to pray. At church I used to hear the pastor talk about prayer, but it went right over my head." I abandoned any attempt at prayer," the old man continued, "until one day four years ago, my best friend said to me, "Johnny, prayer is just a simple matter of having a conversation with Jesus. Here is what I suggest." "Sit down in a chair; place an empty chair in front of you, and in faith see Jesus on the chair. It's not spooky because he promised, 'I will be with you always'. "Then just speak to him in the same way you're doing with me right now." "So, I tried it and I've liked it so much that I do it a couple of hours every day. I'm careful though. If my daughter saw me talking to an empty chair, she'd either have a nervous breakdown or send me off to the funny farm." The minister was deeply moved by the story and encouraged the old man to continue on the journey. Then he prayed with him, anointed him with oil, and returned to the church. Two nights later the daughter called to tell the minister that her daddy had died that afternoon. Did he die in peace?" he asked. Yes, when I left the house about two o'clock, he called me over to his bedside, told me he loved me and kissed me on the cheek. When I got back from the store an hour later, I found him dead. But there was something strange about his death. Apparently, just before Daddy died, he leaned over and rested his head on the chair beside the bed. What do you make of that?" The minister wiped a tear from his eye and said, "I wish we could all go like that."

Father, tis such an old story...yet each time i read it...i praise you, for the faith of those who walk before me that i noe tt tis not impossible, i can do it with you, u will give me enough love and faith for u and in You. Thank you for the encouragement.

Thank you =)

Dear Lord,
Thank you for this beautiful morning...thank you for putting me in Nus FASS. Thank you for letting me rest on this Friday morning and blessing me with this time to blog to you..thank you for making studying so bearable these 2 sems...i've nv enjoyed studying until this sem...imagine 21 years and i nv like studying and now i dun mind..thank you for giving me good friends in school!They are truly my superstructure in studying man!
Dear Father, this morning, i want to praise you and learn wat it means to fear you, to look to you with thanksgiving for all that u have done for me...so much...so much...thank you above all for the cross and really for choosing me...i dun even understand y i am chosen..i just am...and tis been an amazing great grace thus far...wow! Beyond words...i can only say thank you...
God, help me to noe how to live on this world noeing how to make good use of my time and to manage my time such that i can glorify your name...and help me to really have positive attitude and good character...i mean tis really not easy living around people...Father, to be around u is easier but around humans, there is temptation to sin, there are so much negative emotions from the interactions that challenge my ability to love...man! wat a trial...but as u please..
Oh and Father, this morning i was thinking about Danny again and i want to bring him before you..That silly guy is so adorable...i think on sunday, he really really assured me of where i stand in his heart and tis really sweet....i mean there are some issues that i can nv resolve within me, insecurities and stuffs and when he told me tt he won't go for just any girl who is nice and not compatible etc etc, i almost died there...i've nv heard anything that make sense more and gives me greater assurance than wat he said tt day and i really want to thank you because i think u are e one who made him realise all these things and translate to me in precise terms. I think it kinda brought our relationship to a higher level...i like...thank you..gee~
Oh oh and we quarreled on Wednesday...i managed to keep quiet and practise self control!!!!! So happy!!!!Father, ain't u proud of me!!! haha!! i actually shut up and prayed and waited till my anger subsided, then reframed the problem, and tackled the problem instead of shooting at him! I mean i'm totally impressed by myself!!! ahahaha! Thank you Father, won't be possible without you...u noe sometimes i think i have so little, but u can make the little incredible and i think this little event allowed me to experience your work in my life...thank you thank you...gee~And Father, last nite, Danny told me tt he felt very loved because of the effort i put into resolving the conflict amicably with him and i felt so loved when he told me about how he sees conflict and thru this incident, i think we learned more about each other and our differences and something good always comes out of a relationship tt Father u brought together...You are so nice!!! Sometimes i can't believe it! But then again, You are God mah, then u are supposed to be nice....but soooo niceeee and i benefited from it...wow...u mean u've been blessing me all along?!!! haha...really thank you Father, u are cool man! Awesome! Applause!!!! haha...
All in all, i really wan to thank you for the things u have done in my life...i haven praise and thank you enough, neither have i been very senstitive to sin or very ready to fight your spiritual war but nonetheless, u nv gave up on me...thank you...teach me not to give up or condemn any who fall short of my expectations too...If u can forgive and bless me so greatly, as your child, i must also learn how to forgive and embrace...help me Father...
Grant me strength and caution for this entire day that i may glorify your name and bring a smile to you....my WOnderful big big BIG GOd!!!! Gee~
In Jesus' most Precious and Honorable Name i pray, Amen!

Vanities of Vanities!

Dear Lord,
I dun exactly noe how i'm feeling except that i'm tired of trying to please the people around me...tis one thing being cautious and tactful but another if i am actually trying to impress others....hmmm...went out with danny's family for dinner and was v tired when i came home...i think every time the entire family gathers together...it gets very texing...maybe becoz i dunno how to be myself around them yet and i am not sure if they will love me if i show the jumpy and bubbly side of me...but i am so tired of this mature and sweet image that i have in the family. I mean tis definitely not a reflection of who i am in reality and i feel very pent up trying to be someone that i assume others will accept...ultimately i guess the problem lies within myself....
Oh and tis because of this pent up feeling that i attributed to the dinner and me not being myself that causes me to think about how i dress recently....i think my dress sense changed for a moment and anyway i saw this bag that cost $24.90 and i am so in love with it but i noe that i just gotten a bag from jane and yingli for my 21th birthday and it dun make sense if i get another bag again....i mean....Father, talking about saving up and blessing the poor, i shouldn't be like buying more bags when i think i have more than 20 bags at home rite...though i dun use alot of them already...I am so vain and greedy and i wonder when did the change take place...i think i wasn't like this 2 years back...maybe because danny likes girls who dress up or rather he always praise me when i dress up (positive reinforcement), so i began to dress up and i began to even like dressing up and filling my cupboard with all sorts of clothings...there was a period of time when i actually like mature and gentle, conservative clothings but i think after my attachment...i see a change and now i really appreciate clothes that makes me feel younger, energised and bubbly....not forgetting the sweet image once in a while...haha...Father, i wonder if u will just remind me and internalise Ecclesiastes to me and tell that tis all vanities and all but vanities...hmmm..
Oh, Father, i pray for motivation to exercise and to really work out so that i can build up my health as well...i cannot slack anymore....shoeee!!!! all the way!!!! I was very tired out these few days...really need time to rest and hide in my room but at the same time, i really wish that i can go out and go wild and have fun because of this very strong pent up feeling...haiz....Father, guard my heart and my focus above all....tis a struggle to live in this world and to live in Singapore where i can easily take things for granted.....i feel that man gets distracted too easily and before i even noe it...there's so many times when i just lose my focus...forgive me and help me to make u the ultimate focus and cause for my walk on this earth...thank you for hearing my bimbotic prayer...
In Jesus' most Precious and Fashionable Name i Pray, Amen.

Danny's 9th monthiversary!!!

All my Presents from Danny! His presence is a Gift too! Love him! =)
Flowers! *9 mths 2gether!






My Favourite Sweet popped up btw my Books! Ah!


SuRpRiSe Note! -> Hunt 4 3 EggS!

Clue & Egg Behind a Hen!







In the Flowers in Living Room! Going 4 3rd Clue!


Final Egg and a Sweet Message to end it all!
3 Clues! 3 Eggs! 5 Surprises! 9 Months! Thank You Father for Danny..it was so sweet..thank you....I love you Lord...What a great gift...to have Danny as my boyfriend..thank you... =)

I am a Silly Little Girl

Father,
I am totally drained from the crying session tt i have before typing all these down. I'm sorry for all that i have done in this life...the guilt tt gripped me have such paralysing effect on me. I am sorry tt i am still failing in so many areas....sometimes i think mummy acts like a christian more than me...she noes how to love more than me...speaking about spreading gospel to her...i feel so inadequate...all i have in me is your good news...my life is not convincing enough since it is still so full of sins and mummy sees them every day....she tolerated with my sins..Father, u made my mummy a wonderful woman..i am blessed to be in the zhuang family. U put such a great woman in my life to nurture me....daddy too....he's such a wonderful and responsible daddy...they love me...much much more than my love for them...help me to love them too...tis so easy to take them for granted, to fail and disappoint them...sorry God. U put me in the family to be a salt and light yet i dun seem to meet up to your standard..sorry
may u transform me that i may be a blessing to my family...please...my joy, my energy, my love...let it all be used to bless this family...let my service be from inward to outward, from myself to my family to beyond...please...thank you God.
In Jesus' name i pray, Amen.