***I want my Reality in Eternity...yes Lord?*

~I miss the Garden Days...I Need an Intense Longing for Your Spirit to Fill me,to Have the Bible as my Manual 4 Living... MORE than Anything else, to Meet You,Overwhelmed & In Awe...in Eden...In Communion & Fellowship...~

Monday, June 25, 2007

Teach me the fear of the Lord, grant me the beginning of Wisdom

Psalm 90

God's Eternity and Man's Transitoriness.
A Prayer of Moses, the man of God.
1Lord, You have been our dwelling place in all generations.

2Before the mountains were born
Or You gave birth to the earth and the world,
Even from everlasting to everlasting, You are God.

3You turn man back into dust
And say, "Return, O children of men."

4For a thousand years in Your sight
Are like yesterday when it passes by,
Or as a watch in the night.

5You have swept them away like a flood, they fall asleep;
In the morning they are like grass which sprouts anew.

6In the morning it flourishes and sprouts anew;
Toward evening it fades and withers away.

7For we have been consumed by Your anger
And by Your wrath we have been dismayed.

8You have placed our iniquities before You,
Our secret sins in the light of Your presence.

9For all our days have declined in Your fury;
We have finished our years like a sigh.

10As for the days of our life, they contain seventy years,
Or if due to strength, eighty years,
Yet their pride is but labor and sorrow;
For soon it is gone and we fly away.

11Who understands the power of Your anger
And Your fury
, according to the fear that is due You?


12So teach us to number our days,
That we may present to You a heart of wisdom.

13Do return, O LORD; how long will it be?
And be sorry for Your servants.

14O satisfy us in the morning with Your lovingkindness,
That we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.


15Make us glad according to the days You have afflicted us,
And the years we have seen evil.

16Let Your work appear to Your servants
And Your majesty to their children.


17Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us;
And confirm for us the work of our hands;
Yes, confirm the work of our hands.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

overwhelmed...wat ugliness...

Another night when i am overwhelmed by revelations of myself...

It happened on Saturday night and it happened again tonight...

Attacked.....again and again.


This time not by lies and accusations from the evil one but a realisation of the attraction i have toward the world that my Lord Jesus told me to hate.



When i was confronted once again by the vows i pledged at Baptism and renewed at Confirmation.


"I renounce the devil and all his works, the pomps and vanity of this wicked world, and all the sinful lusts of the flesh, so that i will not follow not be led by them."





With greater purchasing power as i grew up, my eyes became more and more captivated by the world and all its material goods...


Especially during my Uni years...made a meaningless fetish of beauty and style...i measured beauty with popular brands and ever changing fashion...chasing after the wind...haha...what foolishness...and the best part of it...i din even noe i was changing to embrace more and more of the world...with my preoccupation over these trends...


i lost myself. Not in fashion and style but in the world...vanities of the world...i din exactly embrace consumerism or purchase high end products all the time, in fact i dun...but i am heading in that direction...more and more...


And today, i want to renounce all that yet again in the name of my Lord Jesus...



I belong to Christ and it is either mammoth or God.

I choose God.

I belong to Christ and it is either gratification of the flesh or God.

I choose God.

I belong to Christ and it is either the devil's schemes or lies to build the foundation of my life on or God's word.

I choose God's word.




Father, i am sorry...the devil comes like a thief only to steal, kill and destroy...you are the good shepherd....i am sorry i chose the ways of the world but today, i ask of you to come and renew me once again.




Thank you for the revelation. I want to be pruned so that i can bear more and more fruits.





I want You in my life.

I NEED you in my life.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

What if my heart grows cold?

What if i stop hungering?

What if i cease to thirst?

What if i become hard on hearing?

What if my heart hardens?



Then let my Lord save me yet again...



You will put the earnest desire within me...
you will make me hunger...
you will make me thirst...
you will speak louder and clearer to a dumber heart and mind
and you will soften my heart...


Promise me one thing:


Never let me live a day with a cold heart...
never let me live a day without you...




This is my prayer to You...


"Ask and ye shall receive,
Seek and ye shall find,
Knock and the door shall be opened unto you."


This is Your promise to me.
I claim it in the name of my Lord Jesus.

Do not leave your child.
How can i live without you.


Hear
my want:


I want to be broken and desperately in need of you...

I want to be poured out for you...

I want to be totally fully captivated and overwhelmed by Your presence...

I want to just NEED You in every circumstance and at any time...

I want to be a madly in love with you.







Grant it to me......


GRANT THEM TO ME....





A HEART FOR YOU.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




I claim and pray all these in the NAME OF MY PROVIDER, JESUS.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Freedom and Victory In Christ

God is good...

His love endures forever...


In Him...covered by His blood...His blood covers a multitude of sins...a heavy price for my sins yesterday, today and tomorrow...


Today, I stand redeemed and righteous...rejecting the fiery darts of the evil one because of the price that the Precious Lamb of God has paid...



Thank you Jesus...it is because of you that i am given a second chance, a third chance, a fourth chance and much more...not to be abused but Lord, i thank you because you knew the sanctification process and the mistakes i will make along the way and you paid the price once and for all....


i want to therefore soar on wings like eagles because i am meant to live a victorious life...free and joyful, emancipated and glorified...


therefore i will look ahead in this race and not back at my past sins, straining towards the goal ahead of me...trusting in Your renewal daily and Your transformation....in all that You can do in me...



Because of all my transgressions, therefore i need you...not because of who i am or what i can do....


but because of You and what you've done for me....


therefore i rejoice yet again, i am renewed, i am soaring with You once again...


a victorious Christian life!



Praise the Lord! =)



The only assurance I can have is God's Love for ME...

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Private and Confidential? Nakedness i prefer...

Today i was reminded of a comforting fact that i learned some time ago...

that is...

Man has no privacy before God...

there is no way one can hide anything from the Lord...

Nothing that is done in the dark that is not exposed by the Light...

Darkness flee before Light...

My God is always watching my every move and because of His scrutiny, i learn about humility...

The best part of the day is when we kneel before God in complete nakedness, when man is left without any defenses, when we come to the realisation that nothing escapes the eye of the Lord...

When man welcomes the idea that God is interested in every single thought, word and deed that takes place in our daily life....when He is just so involved and when He is not just a spectator...

But an active participant in this journey on earth...

Oh when He is actively managing our lives...

what lies we entertain when we tell ourselves that God is not present...

that He cares not...what foolish utterances when we complain of a lonely life...

What trap the evil one has set for us...


Total open-ness with God...not in denial like how Adam thot the Lord din noe where He was hiding...not in denial when Cain asked if he was his brother's keeper...

total openness with GOd...knowing that God is not out to harm but for good...appreciating His presence, recognising and embracing it...

Today, i am once again thankful because darkness flee before light...and because God is ever present...my life is lit up by Him and His Goodness...


Blessed Be the Name of the Lord God Almighty!



Loving you... Father, Son and Holy Spirit....

Thursday, June 07, 2007

mapping my life

Worksheet by Pastor Benny Ho

1. Look within me...what do i want at this point in time?

What source of activities give you the greatest satisfaction? i want to be touching and changing lives, interacting with youths

What is your innermost desire? What would you like to achieve? i want to obey God's call in my life.
i want to disciple, evangelise and leave Christ's footprints in others' lives


What would cause you to weep if you leave it undone before you die? i dunno...i only noe if i did not fulfill God's call in my life...i am not ready to face Him...

2. Look behind you...What has taken place?

What have i done so far? Simei Care Centre working with youths with schizophrenia, Andrew and Grace Home with juvenile delinquents, Faithacts with youths, All Saints' with church youths and AHS students

What are the experiences that God has allowed me to go through? Student Camp yearly, GB officer, mission trips

What are some of my past training? Degree in Social Work

What have i learnt so far? How to work around and interact with all sorts of youths, interesting presentation skills, group work, case counseling, workshop preparation, conflict management, rapport building, meaningful community work and linking and building community resources

What are some of my strengths and weaknesses? Too lazy to list them down

3. Look around you...What has been happening?

What is my current situation? I have graduated and am jobless. I am going to Israel in September for 18 days from 10th to 28th...

What am i ready to commit to? A job that will not eat into my daily prayer and intercession time

4. Look Beside You...What are your resources?

What resources have God put into your hands? My social work degree certificate, my family plus Danny

What support do you have to achieve your vision? i dunno my vision

5. Look Above you...What has God given to you?

What are your unique God-given gifts, abilities and skills? In my journal

What are some of my talents and gifts? In my journal

What am i best at? People, systems or things? People

Am i a structured or unstructured person? semi, too much structure kills me, too little leaves too much room for sloth

6. Look Ahead of you...What is likely to happen?

Over the next 3 years, what is likely to happen?

Look in terms of:

personal life - marriage
industry - human-related industry
agency - nil
company - nil
economy - ???

WHERE AM I HEADING?

SOCIAL WORK, MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER OR TEACHING?
The last option is only opened up today...why? i do not know...really...came during worship at dedication service for Student Camp 2007...

Monday, June 04, 2007

Testimony

The Lord has been faithful before, during and after the Cambodia intercession trip...

Prior to the trip,
i asked the Lord for a sign and He gave us a round, halo-like rainbow with the sun shining through to the ground...when the team was feet washing by the reservoir.

On Day 1,
while the plane was flying to Thailand, we saw the round rainbow again (from the plane). For half hour, the round rainbow followed us till we reached the borders of Thailand. That was God's assurance to us that He was with us...and it was a pleasant surprise! :)

We traveled from the borders of Thailand via taxi to Cambodia, past Poipet, to Siem Reap for the first half of our Cambodia intercession trip. We settled into a guesthouse and gathered for a time of sharing, prayer and worship to realign ourselves and our objectives and to seek God for a heart of unity in Spirit...Praise GOD, by the end of the day, we felt a sense of peace that God is with us and that we are one in Christ...

On Day 2,
God gave us Psalm 35 to encourage us to go forth in boldness. We rented bicycles and cycled into alleys, corners and stop at any place we felt led by the Spirit to pray for. At the end of the day, while we were praying at our last stop, we saw a rainbow and just felt the peace that comes from the Lord.
At night, as i was doing my quiet time, i read about Elisha throwing salt to heal waters, an act suggested by our trip team leader in the morning, so the team decided to go ahead ( and buy salt the next day) since we had a confirmation from the Lord.
Day 2 was the first day we interceded for the land and also the day when almost every team member had spiritual attack, either oppression, grip on the leg, palpitating or rude awakening in the dawn hours while we slept over in the guesthouse. For some of us, it was our first encounter with the evil one so we were a little flustered and scared.

On Day 3,
God used Ephesians 5, Isaiah 60, Corinthians 10:3-5, Psalm 91, Romans 15:5 and Matthew 6:9-13 to encourage us, 4 young daughters frightened from the night's episodes of attacks. We put on the armour of God and cycled to different parts of Siem Reap again, turning into corners and alleys that we felt led to.

(This part of testimony is cut and pasted from email to prayer supporters during the trip)

God placed in the concept of 'land mine' in Wenshan's heart through visions and scripture a week before the trip started. At day 1 she shared with us about it but was uncertain whether it is of men or of God. However, when we tried to find the land mine museum, 2 locals reiterated that the museum has moved to another province and is no loinger in the original location. Yet in God's divine guidance, while we were looking for a Christian Outreach Centre, we chanced upon a big signboard that says "landmine museum". God then sent another local to approach us and tell us that we could still attempt to visit the museum. He then volunteered to lead the way and thus we found our way there. We walked around the place and prayed and also bought some historical books on Cambodia's bloody history. We proceeded to our next destination to Angkor Wat and wondered if that was all that God has planned for us in the land mine musuem. God's ways are definitely higher than ours. Shuyi who bought 2 bks, felt the lack of peace when she left the museum. Later she shared that when she was buying the books, her hands trembled as she held on to the books, yet she knew that she had to buy them.
Before entering into Angkor Wat, Shuyi sensed that she cannot bring the 2 books back to Singapore and she has to do something about them. At the end of the Angkor Wat trip, one of the members was struggling with how she was very unnaturally irritated each time shuyi worshipped and it was voiced out. So while we cycled back, Shuyi processed about the irritation and recognised that it was unusual and that Satan might have used it to disrupt the unity of the team. As we continued the ride, Shuyi felt increasingly uneasy and sensed that there are spirits following us. The sky darkened and street lights were yet out. These added to all our discomfort and clearly put us in a disadvantaged position in our warfare against Satan.
Shuyi then stopped us and told the rest of the members about it. We must admit that fear filled our hearts when she shared. We then gathered by the side of the road to pray. We renounced our association with the books, confessed to God our sin and asked for God's protection and guidance. Whilst praying, there was a particular Cambodian youth who kept talking to us and kept disrupting our prayers. We needed to go elsewhere. Thank God too, at that point of time, we bought a lighter from him at USD1. We rode further up the road to pray and burn the books.
It was rather silly that we decided to burn the books by the road side We prayed and began to worship whilst trying to start the fire and tearing our the books. Amazingly, it was only when we began to sing 'it only takes a spark' did the spark turn into flames though it was extinguished soon...Prior to that, we had umpteen times of failure in trying to start the fire. Somehow, the fire was very weak until a curious Cambodian came over and squat down beside us. The moment he helped us, the fire blaze and the word is BLAZE! and it was such a great joy because we witnessed how the Lord used the hands of the Cambodian to burn up the stories that speak of sorrows in the land. But we also saw how the Lord send him into the picture to partake in this prophetic act. Anyway we were praying, renouncing, binding and asking the Lord to witness this act that His children were doing as we were burning up the stuff. At the end the Cambodian stayed with us till everything is burnt up and even joined in our prayers to bless Cambodia. Our return back for the dinner was also an answered prayer when the Cambodian used his bike light to light up the way and lead us back to our usual dinner place because Ronghui prayed for someone to light up the way and He did!
At the end of the day, after resting and reflecting, we came together to testify of God's divine interventions and guidance and the moment our dear wenshan said 'glorious', there was a flicker and the entire Guesthouse went into a blackout for more than an hour. Praise God! Because the enemy is anxious to fight back...hahaha but it only strengthened us and caused us to pray so loud that the guesthouse owners also hear us praying very loudly.
Shuyi saw a vision of four lights the moment the light went out and was certain that even in darkness, light was in the land because we were in the land and we carried the light of Christ. Ronghui also sensed a strong presence around her and so we prayed and worshipped and eventually felt triumphant and victorious. Praise the Lord because we were made stronger through the attack.
Then after an hour plus, let there be light!

On Day 4,
God also impressed upon me through 2 King 4-5 (and on Day 5 through Isaiah 30) regarding the significance of the number 7, that after 7 something (we dunno wat) the land will be completely healed. Then we realised through a conversation with local that 7 refers to the number of days we will be interceding for Cambodia, coincidentally or rather divinely planned to be 7 days in our original plan excluding the first day of traveling. So we believe that just as God has showed us through scripture, His work through us will be completed in 7 days, and the land will be healed.

At our last prayer stop, Wenshan saw lightning in the sky when we prayed over a river and the frequent and extensive lightning continued for more than a hour as we journeyed back to our guesthouse area for dinner. There was no rain in the end, by the time we finished our dinner, the sky cleared and we saw plenty of beautiful stars. On the same day, i received messages from Singapore that reminded us that the battle belongs to the Lord. And we just knew within our hearts that the Lord is showing us that His army is fighting the battle against the evil one in Cambodia.

On Day 5,
(Taken from except of prayer letter)

Wenshan shared with us how God showed her in Exodus 13:21,22 that God is with us and guiding us by the pillar of fire. As we journeyed from Siem Reap to Phonm Penh, God showed her 5 candles along the way, be it on posters on the road or on the buildings and she knew in her heart that that was an confirmation from God that He is with us, "the pillar of fire to give them light".
Then after she shared with us, Shuyi shared that during the same journey, she was reading 2 Kings 6:17. She then asked God to open her eyes so that she can see that God is with us. Though she had great faith that God will answer her prayer, she didnt manage to see anythg thruout the journey. It's only when Wenshan shared, then we realised, in the 2 Kings 6:17, Elijah prayed for the servant's eyes to be opened, and indeed God opened Wenshan's eyes to see!
God had been giving us scripture to pray... like Rhema everyday at different sites. When we reached Phnom Pehn, we went to a 4 faced idol overlooking the entire Tongle Sap river, God gave Shuyi 1 Sam 5 to pray. About cutting the dagon's head, everything to be done in 3 days and we realised that is the number of days we will be praying in Phnom Penh indeed.

On Day 6,
We split up at the S21 prison to pray, going out in pairs. We also prayed for the local pastors there. At night, while we were returning to the guesthouse, we saw 2 flashes of lightning and at that moment, we received a message from Singapore that wrote, 'Luke 10:1-27'. It spoke of how Jesus sent out the 72, and pair by pair they went out...just like us! And the passage also spoke of how Satan fell like lightning from the sky and we praised God for His goodness and His daily dramatic assurance of his presence and peace with what we have prayed, bound and done in the land.

On Day 7,
We went to pray at the killing field. The Lord gave us Isaiah 47 to pray at the killing, apt as the sword of the Spirit. I dunno wat overcame me but with such fierce courage and boldness, i begged the Lord for the highest commanding spirit in the killing field to be cast down into the fiery depths of sulfur and burning fire. And as i sought the Lord for His assurance, He turned my vision to the sky and i saw something white against the blue sky. It fell like a thin strip of cloud in the far distance and the line trailed off as it fell and the rest saw and confirmed it too. And we were so touched because our Father once again reminded us that He is with us and we were praying in His will. At the killing, a snake brushed past my feet and i remembered chasing after it hoping to trample on it because i was so angry with the serpent for the number of lives, blood lost in Cambodia during the Pol Pot regime. Charlotte also asked the Lord to clear the clouds in the sky for the sun to shine on the land and Our Faithful God was merciful and kind to hear our prayers too.

On Day 8,
We went to the National Museum and the Lord reminded us that a thousand years is like a day to Him when we were faced with the statues and idols excavated and kept over the years. We prayed in that place and eventually settled down in a field overlooking the Silver Pagoda, Tonle Sap River and National Museum. There we worshiped the Lord and asked of Him to seal the works done in the land and to heal the land as promised to us through His rhema word. Dark clouds formed up above us, surrounding us but we knew that the battle is not ours but the Lord's and though the retaliation from the evil one is strong, our Lord is stronger.

Day 9-13
We left Cambodia for Vietnam and upon reaching Vietnam, we unanimously confirmed the Lord's call for us individually to enter into a time of retreat and reflection with Him, not just on the happenings in the Cambodian intercession trip but also on the personal objectives and goals that we set for the trip. God is faithful because He met us individually on the trip too and we learned so much from this experiential learning trip. Young girls, 3 out of 4, from traditional churches learning to bind spirits, involved in spiritual attacks, doing prophetic acts, deliverances...etc. Our God is faithful and i believe that we are not only on a trip that some would say 'leaves us on the mountain top for the moment', but i believe that the Lord is transforming our lives and we are on a path of no returns because He who begins the good work in us will bring it all to completion. Blessed be the Name of the Lord Forever'


P.S. Many accounts are missed out and this is only a draft but too much has transpired that i dunno how to type it all down, so here's an overview of how the Lord has shown Himself to be FAITHFUL and GOOD....POWERFUL AND AWESOME!

*Please pray with me each time u read this*

1) That i may be broken before the Lord daily
2) That I may abide in Him and that He may abide in me
3) That the Peace of God may direct my steps daily
4) That the Joy of the Lord be the Light of my life
5) That the Love of the Lord will overflow out of me