Reciprocated Love

Just finished watching a Korean show...

feeling a little sour now...like...my heart is aching a little...

Then i realised that i am so blessed to be so reciprocated in reality....

It is not easy for one to rest his/her heart on another person...

To find someone that one loves and appreciates...

Yet it is even harder for someone to love and to be loved in return...

Not to be taken for granted...for each moment of love is a gift from the other party and a blessing from God...

Danny Koh Puai Boon. My blessing... thank you God...

The immensity of thanksgiving...when one realises the profound blessing...


My God loves...
Yet He is so hurt...

Because many a times, He is not loved in return...

Father may your Love be reciprocated.

I will do my part.

Thank you for your love.

Thank you for Danny in my life.

Grace beyond measure. Y bless me?



Thank you God... :)

My bro's plan for me in June

Should i go, Father?


A trip iterary for my sister
Would I like my sister to come over to the States to visit ?On one hand, i'm very tired of having to drive long-distance, visit the same places, and spending lots of money on hotels, food ...On the other hand, it's my dear sister.I wrote in my recent email to her that mebbe it might not be such a good idea to come. This, in spite, in Nov, when I told her, "Dun come to US to work in a theme park. Just come for my graduation." Totally CMI brother i am...Tue evening, i sit down and surf for new places I can bring you to that I would enjoy myself.

Here's what i found (below)

Want to go NYC, the fingerlakes where your brother live for 4 years, Shenanoah Valley and Blue Ridge Mountains in West Virginia in the song "Country Road" and Washington DC ?Its less than a month. Yet, all you need is to get the air tickets if you and Danny would like to come.

14 days Shuyi-to-the-US Tour( Tour 4 East Coast states: New York, Pennslyvannia, DC, Virginia )Day 0. Leave on May 21th night or May 22th morning, Singapore.

Day 1. (May 22th, US) Newark Airport, NY, Airport Shuttle to NYC. Check-in @ hostel
Day 2. NYC
Day 3. NYC
Day 4. NYC. Take overnight Bus to Cornell.
Day 5. Free & Easy in Cornell
Day 6. Free & Easy in Cornell
Day 7. A rare chance to attend the exclusive Graduation Ceremony
Day 8. 7+ hours drive to Shanendoah Valley, Blue Ridge Moutain, West Virginia(Take me home, Country Road)
Day 9. Hiking
Day 10. Visit the Shenendoah Caverns, drive to DC
Day 11. Washington DC
Day 12 Washington DC
Day 13. Amnish Village, Lancaster, PA
Day 14. Fly out from Newark (say, in the morning)

posted by Zheshen at 5:26 PM 0 comments

tom's my first paper!!!!

Tomorrow first paper...i am supposed to be sleeping now...but i am scared...ahahaha

Can't wait for exams to be over...it is offically over on 4th may...darling's birthday...oh well...can't wait...but not for next thursday...i can't wait for this thursday to be over coz i have calculated and set aside time to play before the last paper which i S/U!

Oooohhhhh....Father, please help me tide thru these two days man!!!

I need alot of wisdom and clarity of mind for my essay...think i lost my ability to write this sem....whatever ...oops!




My deciding SEM and exams!!!!!

I want an Invitation from my King...not man.

I was invited to be a discussion leader at BSF...

And i thought, "How cool!"

But i decided against it...at the end of the day, it was not the weekly homiletics and attendance on both Tuesday and Thursday that stopped me.... but my heart... the wayward heart.... the wrong motivations...

I thought God could be preparing me for this since i quitted choir around this time when they invited me to join in the service but at the end of the day,I thought Jonah got unto the ship to Tarshish too even though the boat was rarely available but that doesn't mean it is God's will. He was thrown overboard and eaten by the big fish... and i will be consumed by something that i might not be ready for.

Where there is an opportunity i should serve. Ya man...that thot was lingering at the back of my mind...but where? My heart tells me where but there is no opening....or am i too afraid to take up the initiative? Yes, i want to participate...i do. Am i up to it? Can i handle it? Should i take up the initiative and approach Fushun about it? My heart says YES...for the past 2 weeks, or even longer i have thought about it....i have a dream.. but i am not a social worker yet... but i DUN want to be a social worker who have to maintain the ethics of not spreading the gospel... How can i provide and save the best aid to myself and not give it out? Haha... i dun even not whether i want to be a social worker.

But i have a dream... with the knowledge that i received from social work, i want to reach out...

God, prepare the way...u have your own time and your own plan. I am here. Call me. Assure me and confirm it. Speak to my heart and confirm it...

please Lord...

Young and Immature

I could have said No easily but my little heart is wrestling and i got no answer from God...maybe coz i haven really seek Him...

The answer should have been obvious but apparently not. A rational answer will lead me to a No...i dun feel ready to take up another leadership position...for someone with so much pride and so little time with GOd...i really dun feel up to it.

Moreover...i've not even joined the organisation for 3 years...i am only 22 years old....doing homiletics weekly...calling up members...everything is so daunting...

I am so prideful...so slack....so not ready to do my readings....how can i be up to it???

But there is a part of me that wants to say Yes...to be serious about GOd's word...to read beyond the surface...to be forced to keep learning....because i am lazy if i am left on my own...but it won't be fair for my members if i make this my reason for accepting the service...

Speak to me Father...
Will i kill myself getting involved in this?





.....yes?

:)

:)

Expose me GOd...

"break me"

PRide + ME = PooR communicAtioN SKillS.

It was disappointment but the intensive emotions came from pride.

I was disappointed with the way certain thing works...very disappointed, at the same time fearful when i realised there is something to be done and it was made known to me.

It was pride when i think that the people around me are hard hearted. When i elevated myself and think that it was only revealed to me and my heart was the only humble heart around.

When the Lord reminded me that it was shown to me that i may remind others. No, i dun have too be too descriptive and emotional, i just have to trust that the plain words of God is spoken and GOd will touch the hearts of those He prepared for Himself.

I dun have to bring it across in disappointment as though i am on a higher level. I am just reminding my comrades. Encouraging. Who am i to assume anything about anyone? Everyone of us make errors and we all need encouragements....who am i to judge....i remind because they are not what i assume of them to be...if my heart is touched, their hearts will be even more touched.

If God can call me, everyone else can be moved to action.

Am i not one of those who are rebellious? Yes i am called to trust not just in GOd but in those whom he has chosen for Himself.

Suddenly i realised that i am irritating. Now i understand y i cannot communicate with some people. Now i understand y they are not listening. Because i am not sharing nor encouraging.

I was judging.

May God forgive me for i am not at a higher level, we all need reminders, their hearts will be moved. I dun need to be harsh nor cutting, i just need to speak in love and from my heart.

I was wrong. My method of communication was wrong. Deep down, there was pride. And pride is WRONG.

Forgive me GOd.

WHY??? ???

Taking a little break...in NUS now...studying with my social work friends...

Spent a little time to myself...feeling really suppressed...

Dwelling over this matter that has been bothering me so so so so so so much...

I really dun understand...really...

WHY???

i am really really really very disappointed..i dun understand....y?????????

I'm sorry GOd...i am really sorry...sorry for the years that i have wasted...the years that i have lost...

What was i thinking of?????

What was i doing????

What am i to do now????

How am i to do it????

God........................................WHY?

I'm sorry...i am so so so sorry....so sorry....

WHY??? HOW???

I have been thinking alot about my church these days...i haven pray for her for some time...
I have been observing my zone these days...i haven pray for it for some time...

Evangelism and Christian Faith...it has been on my mind and heart...

Studies...preparations for exams...when it is enough? How much importance should i give to it? When am i striving for excellence? What about other areas of my life? Exams is the least concern on my mind yet the most pressing issue...How much should i strive for myself? How much should i give to serve others? There is no set instructions for my life...merely guidelines...and a Christian peace that may not be so clear to me sometimes....not all the time.

But i really feel very terrible these days...regarding ******. Very dissatisfied.I feel like screaming when i see what is happening! I cannot fathom how does things turn out this way??? What is God trying to tell me??? What is God preparing me for??? Why? How?

Exams is always a time when i pause to reflect and manage my time....a time when i need to list out my priorities...a time for me to uncover my feelings towards many things...i think this is one of those times...really hope that whatever was impressed on me will not leave me. Let this be another turning point. When i internalised all these thoughts, i will be a different person.

As for now, i am troubled and baffled, apalled and disgusted.
And alot of WHYS and HOWS...

May God show the way.

Decisions

I made a few decisions this week...i pondered over it for quite some time...

I decided to quit Church Choir.
I decided to do more in the Youth Zone and move out of my comfort zone.

-----------------------------------------------------

God has been blessing me greatly....really thank Him for putting me in social work and leading me to the prayer meeting on Tuesday. Because of the meeting that fateful Tuesday, alot of things have changed.

Looking at Hansel, Dillion and Ronghui made me so ashamed of myself.
Talking to them left me thinking.

It is time for me to return to where GOd calls me to....to start picking things up....things that i have left behind since Ren Ai days...things that i have given up since i started courtship...things that i have forgotten over time...

---time to move on...shoeee....


I will miss choir...i will...

In fact, i find myself tearing when i think about leaving sometimes...

But it is time.

God be with me...unless You walk with me, i cannot move an inch on this earth...

Amen. Reality in Eternity.

By my Side

I realised that this will be another week when i will only see and meet Danny on Weekends....but i am kinda getting used to it...really must thank GOd for helping me grow independantly this year...if not poor danny will suffer... :)

GOd has been faithful this year...more than anything...he has blessed me with his presence and love, and at the end of the day, He satisfies...the Trinity God has been wonderful to me...

I must remind myself to constantly talk to Him in the midst of my preparation for exams so that i won't be caught up in my readings...i must remember Him so that i will be joyful and peaceful when i study for exams...since studying is not an area that i am ultra interested in....

I realised this is a period when i will really be tested because it can be highly stressful..i might be frustrated easily or worst still, ill disciplined...I really need to be aware and ready to give and love at the expense of my time...

Alot of things, theoretical things that i need to live out...may they all be converted to actions from the heart...

GOd is faithful, He will lead me thru my years on Earth...at anytime, GOd will lead me...that i believe...

I'm going to study now...Glorious God, teach me faithfulness in this area of my life...faithful as a Student.

Danny, my present from GOd

I was msging Longjun about his birthday...wishing him a good time and also reminding him that people in Church remembers him...told him that we tok about him over supper just the other coz he is the only one who eats chilli with minced pork noodles instead of minced pork noodles with chilli...

He asked about who i am with now...silly past. Little Shoeee has grown up and had enough of her past....i told him i am with Danny and he congratulated me...

Deep within me, i am thankful and proud too...proud to noe that my boyfriend is so adorable and loving...he is such a gentle and caring soul...sweet and macho!!! ahahaha...just this morning i was asking GOd 'y me'?

Last time, meifeng jie told me huiling and danny are very compatible. Apparently she din noe tt i am attached to danny...and i just sat there and thot...ya...quite compatible...then my mind drifted to to other girls in church...y me?

And i was just DROWNED and OVERWHELMED by joy and thanksgiving...y me? I dun desrve such a loving man....but tis me...the Lord has prepared, the Lord has given...

Wow!

I am blessed. Very blessed.

But am i even surprised? He has given his greatest present to me. Jesus Christ. Emmanuel, Yesterday, TOday and Tomorrow.

Being with a God who is so....WOW...he is the most amazing thing in my life...

Well, dear danny is amazing too though far from Him...and Danny is already so close to my heart....how much more love can He lavished on me with all these grace and gifts...i am blessed.

Thank you GOd. :)

missing the bull's eye

I think...

I dunno how to be a...

a good person
a good child to my parents
a good sister to my brother
a good girlfriend to Danny
a good sis-in-christ to Christians
a good friend to all those out there
a good student in the eyes of many
a good cell leader to my lovely cheezel cell
a good choir member in All Saints' Choir
a good attachment student to FaithActs
a good social work undergraduate in NUS
a good follower to those who walk before me
a good leader to those who walk behind

I really dunno...

The moment i lose my focus...i lose what it means to be and function as a person...

And i am at a loss momentarily...

Worst of all, i lose this focus so often...

I hurt the One who loves me the most...

I dun want Him to be labeled as long suffering...

I dun wan to add to his pain...

I dun want to be an ingrate...

...

All i want is...

to return to the garden where it all started...

to return to the cross where i was redeemed...

I need to...all the time...

the moment i lose the focus...

I am so far from Your Standards...so far from Your expectations...and Everyone's expectations...

I want to be near to You at ALL times...sorry...i hurt You again.

Test from Grace's blog!!!

People Envy Your Generosity

You're a giving soul, and you'd do almost anything for those you love. And they'd do anything for you!People may envy how giving you are, but more than anything, they envy those you open your heart to.

What Do People Envy About You?

rejoice with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Every sem i survived by God's Grace...there will come a time when i feel so pent up and suffocated...times when i feel that i can't move an inch foward on my own...times when i feel that i dread the next minute....that's playful shoeee....

I love to play and as a student, i struggled...hard simply because i dun like to work, i dun like datelines...but i guess at the end of the day, even when i work i will be pitting myself against time...

In times like this, i do crazy things...i can wake up in the middle of the night to pack my room or end up dreaming the whole nite....how about suffering from backache over the dawn hours???
All sorts of things can happen....

But that is not what makes me ME!!! IT is the LIBERATED me that is truly SHOEEE!!!!ahahaha...the one who finished all her assignments!!!! yeah!!! ahaha...i just submitted my last paper!!! Can't wait or exams to come and be over!!! i want to play! i want to play!!!

Haha...i think GOd must be smiling and saying 'silly girl'...i am satisfied easily. Good food, fun...love...time roaming the streets, yelling at ease all liberates me!!! What beats finishing all the term assignments?!!! haha...ok fine...my salvation beats everything but today i rejoice as well because my assignments are done!!!!

Thank God...i din suffer from any hard attack...

Another Sem u have brought me thru....another nite i have struggled with you by my side...another day i have worked in your presence!!!!

U sustain me!!! U liberate me in all sense!!!!

Thank You GOD for keeping me alive to experience this joy!!

I am happieeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!

Pent up, brain not working though tons of work

I ought to be studying now but i'm really tired...hmmm...

Cleared all my journal entries for my placement...tom going down for evaluation....then got to finish my essay as well...very tired...

I can't wait for Friday to be over....this is a packed week...whatever...think i will rest for tonight afterall i did quite a lot of work for today already...

I should be toking to God now...
I feel pent up...
Very tired, perhaps coz tis a long day and i used up my brain juice in School...
I miss danny, din get to tok much to him today...oh well...

I should run to God and let Him satisfy me now before i explode again!!!!

Sigh...

Ruth

In my bible reading from the Life Application Bible, i learnt that one of the themes in Ruth surrounds prosperity and blessing.

Explanation:

Ruth and Naomi came to Bethleham as poor widows, but they soon became prosperous thru Ruth's marriage to Boaz. Ruth became the great grandmother of King David. Yet the greatest blessing was not the money, the marriage or the child; it was the quality of love and respect between Ruth, Boaz and Naomi.

Importance:

We tend to think of blessings in terms of prosperity rather than the high quality relationships God makes possible for us. No matter what our economic situation, we can love and respect the people God has brought into our lives. In so doing, we give and receive blessings. Love is the greatest blessing.

These days i have been very disturbed by Danny's workload and from seeing him so tired...i asked God why everything seemed so tough on him...yes, i noe God gave him small mercies daily but i din see how i could contribute....the above spoke to me...simply because i believe GOd is not just blessing me by helping me to experience Him so much these days but also to be able to bless Danny through the overflowing love that GOd has given to me...one of those periods when i am not throwing tantrum even though i did not play enough...even though my darling is so tired...even though life is not exciting...Indeed, the Lord has blessed our relationship that he may be renewed and supported as he goes through the demanding routines of work life..may our love and close walk with GOd be our greatest blessing through storms and in face of adversity.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Second lesson:

1 Samuel 4: 5-8 The Philistines were afraid because they remembered God's stories about GOd's intervention for Israel when they left Egypt. But Israel has turned away from GOd and was clinging to only a form of godliness, a symbol of former victories.
People often try to live on memories of GOd's blessings. The Israelites wrongly assumed that because the Lord has given them victory in the past, He would do it again, even though they had strayed far from Him. Today, as in bible times, spiritual victories come through a continually renewed relationship with God. Don't live off the past. Keep your relationship with GOd new and fresh.

Reflection day for a restful spirit

I din do much today...it was a day of rest...after spending the past week taking care of my schoolwork and loving people...haha ;)

Did some updates to my blog and spoke on the phone with bro...later i hope to spend substantial time toking to Him but as for now...i shall watch my "Love at Paris" show...

Tomorrow i got to get the ball rolling again...start studying and organising my time well...hmmm...

I just realise i got some porno ad stuck to my blog....sometimes have, sometimes dun have...am i the only one who sees them? Now everytime i open my own blog after i place a new entry, i must be sure to click away any pop up before i see the image....utterly disgusting disgusting...So pissed off... ANYONE HAS ANY IDEA HOW I CAN GET RID OF IT? DID U SEE IT?

-----------------------------------------
Today when i chatted with bro bro, he said he knew a fren who is as crazy as me...am i crazy? not really rite...i mean i am wild and emotional but i am very tame in hobbies and interests...or maybe it all depends on my mood...

I think i dun like to be descibed as emotional but the fact is i am....at the end of the day...it is this drive and passion that helps me to lead and touch lives but also these extreme emotions that lead me to cut people down...it all boils down to management of my temperment...that is one thing that makes "Shuyi", Shuyi. Yup, i am not emotional all the time and extreme but it is a tendancy for most to retain a single impression of a person instead of consider the other possibilities...that is human nature...sometimes, i judge people and assume that they are deinitely going to react and feel according to my perception of them...

It works both ways...do unto others what u want others to do unto you...i am learning not to assume too much...learning...may God teach me...that i will not comment unless i am doing it out of love, that i will not make careless remarks if i have not tried to pray for others....meaning i will learn not to gossip lah...learning and trying.... :)

Sufficient

I am worried....but i will trust that he is in Good hands...

I am worried that he will burn out... but i trust the Source of his strength...

I am worried that he will lose his passion and calling but i noe the One who Gives will Sustain...

I am worried that he will fall sick but i trust his Maker...

I am worried that he will be stressed out but i trust his Comforter...

I am worried but i know...he is in Good hands...


God, keep him in you...safely in Your embrace...my heart aches when i see his weariness and his strength draining...my heart aches when he faces tremendous tests at work, i feel an anger within me when i heard about the incidents at his workplace, i fear for him when i see the challenges he need to face ahead, i sense his struggles as he handle and manage his workload...

I love him....and ask of u to be with him...
I din ask for everything to be cleared because i noe this path is meant to be tough...
But i pray for small mercies so that he will be sustained...
I pray that his passion for life in You will not be lost in the worldly struggles...
I pray that Your presence and Your glory to be shown to him...
That he may look to you and say,

"Emmanuel is sufficient, Emmanuel fills the gap and void..."

Let him say that...let me say that...let us say that. You are sufficient.