Lord, help me.

Lord, help me.

Lord, help me.

Help me to be understanding towards him and not angry with her.


Lord, help them.

Lord, help them.

Lord, help them.

Help them to be understanding and give room for work-life balance in his school.


Lord, help us.

Lord, help us.

Lord, help us.

Help the teaching fraternity to know the battles to fight and what to guard and protect.


Lord...

Lord...

Lord...


:(

The Better Half

Yesterday BK and Huey came by our house to pass us the electronic breast pump and nipple cream. She bought Famous Amos cookies for En En as well. :)

It's amazing how she and BK got along so well. The other day at Waruku, she looked so happy when BK appeared. That's what marriage should be like.

Like when I look at Danny, I feel immense joy, I feel blissful and I am filled with thanksgiving because every part of me cries out, "This is the PERFECT man for MEEEeeee." How my heart rejoices because he is just so adorable and everything I need...though I never knew he would bring so much joy prior to our marriage.

My friend told me the other day that it is hard to trust in marriages because they can be so broken. That's true, I mean I don't really understand because I do not see it happening in my family, or in my immediate family.

But to me, marriage will work as long as both parties commit to it, as long as no one decides to run away or to give up on the covenant. As long as no one is turning their back on past promises and assurance (from God if they have sought Him), then it will work. Therefore the success of a marriage, in my simple terms, is highly dependent on the character of the both parties - the stability that they put in to sustain the marriage.

Then there is this God factor that is evident in families when they allow God's will and purposes to take place and flourish within their lives and household. It is an active desire and willingness to include the seeking of God as a family in the routines established at home, a worldview that is shared and passed down in the family from generation to generation. Sometimes we pass down things untrue and it becomes a curse and warps our minds and hearts and causes us to miss out on the promises of God.

But I must say, how many of us can be assured of our spouses' faithfulness and character? There were those who seems perfect in the beginning but did not managed to run the end of the race well. They strayed.

Therefore, I think it is still a leap of faith- this marriage thingy.

I just thank God when I see so many church members taking the leap of faith and feeling so satisfied with their husbands....haha like Renie, Grassie, Huey, and many who walked the journey before us...

All these men that we were once wary of...or even at one point in time, disgusted with or thought were not fantastic brothers, have risen up and taken their places of authority in the household. I really feel that BK is taking up his leadership role as the man in the house. I feel the same for Weiwen. I feel the same for Danny. Ain't HL doing that too? And I am so proud of them.

Let us not breathe words that comes from a haughty spirit to run down another brother. The men who stand before us may be going to lead women who thinks too highly of themselves. Feminism really has no place in the kingdom of God. It tears down a family, at least that's how Ifeel :)

Onward Christian brothers! All of you are doing a great job! Well done! We are proud of you. You will be great and we must believe and hope for you so that you can be encouraged to be greater. And that is our role, to support, to believe, to encourage, to hope, to respect and to love.

I love you, Danny.

I respect you, Danny :)

Edena (E-de (sounds like dee) -na)

E-de-na ('e' vowel sound, 'de'-di, 'na'-nuh)

Edena Koh Song en.

Eden, the garden flowing with springs of living water, the vision that I see each time I pray about En En's Christian name :) Isaiah 51:3 Eden - the name which the Lord gave unto me in the first half of 2010 when I read 'Walking in the Wilderness' by John Bevere.

Eden - The name which encompasses 'Song' (songs of melody) and 'En' (thanksgiving).

I spoke to many ones and sought their opinions.

And I waivered.

I sought an alternative - Edena was the first variant that came to my mind but...hmmm....?

Continued seeking the Lord and decided that I should go for a common name that I am okay with. One that has the approval of most people. Ha, approval of people more than the heart of God for my little one...that's me, Ariel, trying to win the approval of man....again.

Then Sister Dianne sent me a message. 'I dreamt that you named your child 'Adena' or 'Edena'.

I asked her if it was from God. She said she only dreamt about my pregnancy twice. Once I was pregnant and my womb was full of treasure, this was the other time.

So I kept her message at the back of my mind. I did not want a variant, especially if the variant traces back to 2 root names instead of 1 - Edna and Eden.

Danny and I moved on to find more names. August 31, I've selected a list of names and placed it on Facebook.

Then over the months, Danny and I struggled between Danielle and Eden until November 8 2010 when I decided on Danielle and posted the name up on Facebook again 'tentatively' (for others) ...and officially (for me).

November 9, no peace...

November 10, no peace...

November 11, and I knew. The vision came as usual, a garden with fountains of living water was the impression in my heart, Eden.

November 12, Danny prayed and struggled. He did not want to settle for Edenia (The name we came up with when we looked for a variant of Eden that will not trace back to any other root name). He did not like the 'nia' sound as the extension of 'Eden'. He wanted the root name or nothing at all but the Lord gave him peace and convinced him that it is not what he wants but what God wants for En En.

November 13, we were walking to the market when I asked Danny if he wanted Eden, Edenia or Edena. I shared my concerns about Edena tracing back to two root names. I asked Danny if he thinks our child will be a warrior. He looked at me and said, that was what he thought of the previous night and that morning when he prayed. He was praying for En En to be a worship... per? ..war... and he stopped short because he did not want his child to war. It would be a hard life *snigger snigger* :) but there was no other words that fitted into his prayer and he did not want to slot 'warrior' in.

Edena - Edna (warrior) and Eden (delightful). Irony how Mummy who has been prophesied as a warrior on many trips and occasions received the name, 'Eden' (Mild, sweet, safe and delightful name) while Daddy, the gentle, meek and peace-loving man received the impression, 'warrior' (Edna), as the destiny of baby.

E-de-na, the name that was dreamt by our friend.

November 14, Edena Koh Song En.

I hope you like your name.

Encountering God.

The Lord has been speaking...

He has not left me alone.

I WAS really depressed for some time.

Since my last visit to the gynae on Wednesday when I learnt some things about baby.

I WAS worried. VERY worried and ANXIOUS...

But since that night, the Lord has spoken louder than ever since the last time He foretold the coming of the baby till the confirmation...

He is speaking again....in ways where I cannot deny His presence and faithfulness.

In my darkest hour and time,

He rescues...He becomes the refuge, the Healer and the Saviour, He redeems me...

Abba Father, Lord Jesus, my faithful counsellor, the Holy Spirit.

Thank you.

November 10 (Wednesday) night - A story on the mourning mother whom Jesus took compassion on, He prayed over the Son and life returned to him, cried and prayed with Danny to God. Then the audible voice of God, presence of the Father till I fell asleep....finally

November 11 (Thursday) evening - at the ALTAR, Chitrani was not present, Aunty Ivy has to lock up the place. Prayed over me and Danny and laid hands on my womb, kept praying fervently over the health of baby. She prayed the resurrection life and power over baby, she kept calling forth life over baby...and I knew that the story I read the night before was from God. She told me not to worry, NOT TO LOOK AT THE SITUATION, not to speak of the negative and repeat it, as our Lord's words has power, so we who are created in His image has power in our words. She told us to call forth life, to prophesy (speak bible verses and sing songs of worship, pray) goodness and life over baby. And we were counseled and consoled.

Before we slept, we read this by Charles Spurgeon,

HOPE for the BARREN

"Sing, O barren!" Isaiah 54:1 NKJV

There are times when we feel very BARREN. Prayer is lifeless, love is cold, faith is weak; each grace in the GARDEN of our heart languishes and droops. In such a condition, what are we to do? I can sing of Jesus Christ. I can talk of visits which the Redeemer has paid to me. I can magnify the great love with which He loved His people with He came from the heights of heaven for their redemption. I will go to the cross again. Come, my soul, heavy-laden you once were and lost your burden there. Go to Calvary again. Perhaps that very cross which gave you LIFE might give you FRUITFULNESS. What is my barrenness? It is the platform for /his FRUIT-creating power. What is my desolation? It is the setting of sapphire of his everlasting love. I will go in poverty. I will go in helplessness, I will go in all my shame and backsliding; I will tell him that I am still His child, and in confidence in His faithful heart, I will sing and cry aloud. Sing, believer, for it will cheer your heart and the hearts of other desolate ones. Sing on, for now that you are really ashamed of being barren, YOU WILL BE FRUITFUL SOON; now that God makes you reluctant to be without fruit, He will soon cover you with clusters. THE EXPERIENCE OF OUR BARRENNESS IS PAINFUL. BUT THE LORD'S VISITATION ARE DELIGHTFUL (yes my beloved, indeed your name is eden meaning delightful...literally, now root word or variant as name???) . A sense of our own poverty drives us to Christ, and that is where we need to be, for in Him is our FRUIT found.

November 12 (Friday) night - Asked Danny about the lyrics of a Chinese worship song. In the middle of the night, wailing for Mummy. Ate like mad for the past 2 weeks but it did not work, so now I forced myself to sleep but each time my head hit the pillow, I had horrible tension headache. Mummy realised that I was overwhelmed with anxiety, didn't know I was THIS affected. Now I got to let go and let God. But how?

November 13 (Saturday) morning - Daily Bread led Danny to Psalm 139, I formed you in your mother's womb. Jiafeng typed the same verse. I asked for the tune of the song taken from the same psalm the night before. Danny prayed over me. It was God confirming the verses. Entered into a season fasting together with dearie. Both confessed our sins and worshipped for the first time in the living room in the presence of Dearie's mum. Our worship has moved into the open. Finally prompted to picked up my Lisa Bevere's chapter on Fasting again. The Lord spoke...revealing the lesson that He was teaching this end year.

2007 (Cambodia) - Hold your tongue, stop cursing and lusting

2008 (IHOP, USA) - Pain, childhood hurts, worldview of unfairness, healing

2009 - (Korean Prayer Mountain) Anxiety, generational and familiar spirit

2010 - (Singapore) Death

O and behold, no wonder I was sensing a presence in my room again, the same experience of something trying to enter into me and take control...

May the Lord gain victory yet again.

A season of desperate seeking has and will begin.

Good morning little one :)

I woke up.

Ate an egg tart.

Took the supplements.

Ate bird's nest.

Drank plain water to hydrate you.

Ate oats with milk, and wheatgerms.

Drank a bottle of chicken essence.

Cried buckets.

Watched worship videos online and con't crying.

He spoke to me last night. Said you will be fine. Told me to go and sleep. And i did.

Said i have lessons to learn. You will be fine.

I hope so.

If it is the right voice i am listening to, then you are assured.

I love you. Because you are within me, therefore it makes it easier for me to carry any guilt when you are not well or growing like any other.

He is worried to me. Your daddy. Yesterday as we prayed, he told me he is worried too. As he held me in his arms, while i was crying, he said he is worried too.

Look how much we love you.

Even He has to speak to me yet again to tell me to sleep, to go to bed and assure me that you are fine. I do not know what i have to learn or His plans for me. But you will be fine. He said therefore you will be. Unless i was dreaming.

*Tears*

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge and He will make your paths straight.

Mummy must confess that i am worried....tis natural...but you are in His hands, that's where i choose to place my trust.

Because that's where you are the safest.

Have a nice day. I love you. Happy kicking. :)

A little conversation with my little one :)

Can I call you Eden?

Do you mind if your name is not too feminine?


Dear Eden,

How are you feeling today? Did you eat or absorb anything?

Doctor Irene said you are a little too light you noe?

Mummy has stopped work and is a lot more relaxed and rested so Mummy is not going to bear the blame of you being too light.

Mummy is not going to blame you too. Tis okay Eden.

Take your time.

we are not rushing you. Every child is unique in his or her own way. You are beautiful and unique the way you are, growing at your own pace.

Daddy can sow, Mummy can water but it is the Lord who determines your growth.


Mummy is determined to react to this news differently from the last time I went to the gynae...

Mummy can choose to fret and wail or to trust in the Lord and not lean on my own understanding.

Mummy chooses the latter. Mummy chooses to be a good owner and not take ownership of you. Mummy chooses to believe that God has his plans and purposes for us, one that serves to prosper, to give us a hope and a future.

Mummy chooses to root myself in the Word of God and to react by believing in the Bible.


Mummy loves you. Mummy must love God a WHOLE LOT more than Mummy loves you therefore Mummy chooses submission in all matters regarding you, include my reaction to situations concerning you.


Eden, my baby, just grow in the Lord. Be a well watered garden. Whatever your size, however long your life span on this Earth, I already knew and know in my Spirit that... ...

You are beautiful.

Daddy loves you.

Mummy loves you.

God loves you.

Remember.

English Name for Song En

I can't sleep the whole night.

Is Danielle the second best?

It is a biblical character that I like - Daniel...and the closest to Danny and myself. And it is a beautiful name that both of us appreciate.

And many others also appreciate this name.

Am I settling for a second best?

"Actually we were happy with Eden all the way until people started to tell us that it is for the boys,"said Daddy.

Ya, you are right. That was when I was swayed. When I wasn't sure anymore.

Not sure of the scripture.

Not sure of the visions of the flourishing watered land - well watered gardens in Isaiah 58.

But each time I think of you, the same vision and image of the well watered land - Eden.

What about 'Adena' and 'Edena'? Something lidat.

She said that was what she dreamt I that I named my little one.

And she is a dreamer.

That's how God spoke to her.

'Edena', a variant of Eden.

'Edenia', the variant that I was considering when I sought for something more feminine to replace 'Eden'.

I was angry. That You gave Lena's son a name but not mine. But didn't You give? But I hesitated. Isn't it the same the last time? I found Ariel in the scripture. I had visions of lions. I had verses. I had others to pray over me and confirm this name.

Now i need a confirmation. A strong confirmation and I will move ahead. I'm sorry. I just needed the assurance that my daughter will not be laughed at for the name that I give her...

Eden Koh Song En

Edena Koh Song En

Edenia Koh Song En

Danielle Koh Song En

Speak to me more CLEARLY for I am hard of hearing.

Thunder in my ears or whisper in my heart that I may know.

That I may know DEEP in my Spirit.

Review of my Call 2007

2006, disppointment in church. 2006, left all service. 2006, led into a fellowship with brothers and sisters from other churches, leaders each in their ministries. 2006, exposed to the other spectrum of Christianity. 2006, metamorphosis Camp, the clear and audible leading of the Spirit in my thoughts.

01/01/2007 A new bible- ESV.

03/01/2007 My first meeting with my intercession partner.


_________________________________________________________



07/01/2007 The Call.


2 hours...

2 hours? That's crazy! 5 days...please...5 days...

*Struggles*

6 days...gimme 1 day of break...i can't do it every day...i can't...

*Struggles*

Fine, 7 days, 2 hours every day.

*Peace*

That was the deal.

Pray. Take this time to pray. Pray for my church, pray for my people. Seek me and pray.

I can't.

Indeed i can't.

But Christ can.

____________________________________


3 years later,

Connected to Shalom Singapore HOP('07), Graduation('07) Cambodia trip('07), Israel trip('07),Contract teaching('08), NIE('08), IHOP trip('08), Proposal & Wedd Prep('09), Teaching('09), Marriage('09), Korea Prayer Mountain trip('09), Pregnancy & Delivery('10).


I was set into place though I felt totally out of place with the cramming of events in life.


And more and more, the call is beckoning again.


Go set yourself in a ministry. Re-enter into the church. 3 years of being plucked out, now tis time to return. You have stood by the side long enough. And time to PRAY again.




Where to serve?

How to serve in this new life stage with my baby?

Do I have the commitment and perseverence to not give up halfway this time round?

What about work? Family? Balance in life?

Finance issues at home?

*Silence*

*Home alone on maternity leave*

*Any more reason not to seek God, complaints about having no time to seek God?*

Silenced.

What's in a name?

Ariel, Lion of God, Altar, Jerusalem

***

Bring me back to that secret place-the garden of Eden where I meet You.

Eden - the place that I prayed for refuge in the midst of my busyness.

"Lord, if being pregnant is the only way I can have a break to seek You once again, I dun mind being pregnant."

That was the prayer.

Isaiah 51

Everlasting Salvation for Zion

1 “Listen to me, you who pursue righteousness and who seek the LORD: Look to the rock from which you were cut and to the quarry from which you were hewn; 2 look to Abraham, your father, and to Sarah, who gave you birth. When I called him he was only one man, and I blessed him and made him many.

3 The LORD will surely comfort Zion and will look with compassion on all her ruins; he will make her deserts like Eden, her wastelands like the garden of the LORD. Joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the sound of singing.

4 “Listen to me, my people; hear me, my nation: Instruction will go out from me; my justice will become a light to the nations. 5 My righteousness draws near speedily, my salvation is on the way, and my arm will bring justice to the nations. The islands will look to me and wait in hope for my arm. 6 Lift up your eyes to the heavens, look at the earth beneath; the heavens will vanish like smoke, the earth will wear out like a garment and its inhabitants die like flies. But my salvation will last forever, my righteousness will never fail.
7 “Hear me, you who know what is right, you people who have taken my instruction to heart: Do not fear the reproach of mere mortals or be terrified by their insults. 8 For the moth will eat them up like a garment; the worm will devour them like wool. But my righteousness will last forever, my salvation through all generations.”
9 Awake, awake, arm of the LORD, clothe yourself with strength! Awake, as in days gone by, as in generations of old. Was it not you who cut Rahab to pieces, who pierced that monster through? 10 Was it not you who dried up the sea, the waters of the great deep, who made a road in the depths of the sea so that the redeemed might cross over? 11 Those the LORD has rescued will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away.
12 “I, even I, am he who comforts you. Who are you that you fear mere mortals, human beings who are but grass, 13 that you forget the LORD your Maker, who stretches out the heavens and who lays the foundations of the earth, that you live in constant terror every day because of the wrath of the oppressor, who is bent on destruction? For where is the wrath of the oppressor? 14 The cowering prisoners will soon be set free; they will not die in their dungeon, nor will they lack bread. 15 For I am the LORD your God, who stirs up the sea so that its waves roar— the LORD Almighty is his name. 16 I have put my words in your mouth and covered you with the shadow of my hand— I who set the heavens in place, who laid the foundations of the earth, and who say to Zion, ‘You are my people.’”

***On a side note, En En was God's answered prayer to the place of intimacy. 'Eden' is what she brings forth with her coming...to me, to daddy and to the family (and all the family rules that we will establish).

Her destiny, my heartfelt prayer...her journey...like her Chinese name 'Song4-worship' & 'En1-Grace n Thanksgiving'.

Her model, our hopes and prayers for her: Danielle (God is my Judge). Be beautiful, be full of knowledge and stature, grow in the favour of man and God, be strong in the face of persecution, worship and partner with the Heavenly hosts...my prayers for you is to walk with God on this Earth, with your heart wholly given to God, and hands learning to serve God and man.

*Danielle Koh Song En*

Thank you for bringing me back to the Garden of Eden where I meet God.

Mummy thanks you, Thank you.