Long Time no See!

Dear GOd,
Tis been a long time since i last typed to you...i've got so much to typed out coz so many things happened in my life and i reflected on so many things...i kinda miss typing to you...when man communicate, we use the phone,msn and we tok face to face, now we even have skype....but when i tok to you, i can only write and pray...oh oh! i can think my thoughts to communicate to u too, something that we can't do around humans...but i am kinda thrilled over the fact tt i can type to you too...gee...only prob is that this blog is public...more like toking to you before a group of people so i oso must be aware of all the words that i use...but luckily i can draft all the upsetting thoughts too!
Father, i want to thank you for Meiyin and Charlotte in my life. I think tis a grace and a gift from you. I always thot tt i can nv make good frens in uni but i did and tis amazing since i dun stay in hall and i dun have a class...haha...great arrangement and tis even better when meiyin is a non christian and char a christian. From the both of them and their presence in my life, i learnt to be more careful and responsible for my words...tis like changing for the better...raised consciousness i guess..haha =P
Now tis assignment period, tis getting stressful again but i feel so much closer to you..tis like u are with me and going through all these with me and i am touched....God u have touched me with all the little things that u have done for me in my life and i think i'm getting head over heels in love with you..gee!Thank you Father, thank you for the joy that u have given me...everything bestowed on me...i really appreciate it.
U noe, Danny is getting really stressed up these days and i think he is going to have this major blow up if things dun get better. I wonder how people managed to stay as a teacher with drive and passion all their lives...sure will have hormonal imbalance man! Father, i pray that u will guard his heart and his loving and gentle nature that he may nv stray away but be constantly renewed in you..Yesterday he asked me why i wanted to be a social worker and wouldn't it be tough to have to handle all the cases at work and will i malfunction at home...i guess i nv really thought about this question...God, i have many dreams, i ever thought of becoming a missionary for you, a pastor for you, a youth worker in church for you, a social worker for you, a teacher for you....when i was still with XXX, i knew that his workload was heavy and he won't be very free to spend time with me...at tt time i thot i can be a youth worker for u because time allows it but now i have to reconsider. Utimately at the end of it all, i realised that i have only wanted to be a good wife to whoever i marry next time. If i marry a busy man, i can spend more time on my job but if i marry a teacher and work ends at 6 for him then i have to find a job that will allow me to spend time my evening with him...conclusively tis actually all about whom i marry. Father u called us to alot of roles in life and i feel called to being a good wife..and i guess i value family more than any other things..tis your basic unit of life..if i can't live out a good life before them, i dun think be a good leader or worker to any others out there. Sometimes i think i am weird...like a little small woman whose only inspiration is to be a good child of yours and a good wife and to fulfill all the other roles etc..i mean nowadays a lot of women cherishes career and stuff...oh well, Father, i guess u make all of us different and UNIQUE...so i reckon i am unique...haha..silly me..
Father, i can go on typing and typing and chatting with you like that but i think i must go and read my conflict management stuff....yucks!!!!!!! i dun wan...k i will do it ok...i will be your obedient daugther and soldier etc. etc. Lord, may your name be blessed!!! gee..
I pray all this in the name of Jesus, My most beloved Brother. Amen!

Stressed

Dear Lord,
I am very very tired. This week is going to be a killer. I just came back from tuition and i am so drained. I already have an idea of how my week will be and how packed i will be. Today when i sat on the train back to Tanah Merah to give tuition, i felt like puking and i was having this very bad heachache. I am very afraid that the great amount of stress will leave me with enlarged and swollen lymphnodes on my neck once again. The fears are very real and i dunno wat to do. I am supposed to rest until the lumps subside, apparently, the amount of school work and projects left me with little time to rest. Father, i am going crazy....tis so stressful. If i choose to disobey you, maybe life will be easier and i can fake alot of things in my project and term papers but Lord, i want to obey you. Please remember me for all these that i am doing simply because i feel that it pleases you.
Father, i also want to pray for love for Dr XXX. I dun understand how she can set a paper that is so terrible and ridiculous. I think she insulted e undergraduates' intelligence by expecting us to do mere memory work instead of understanding her lectures. I am very upset that i scored so badly on the quiz though i believe that i understand the concepts taught. I guessed ultimately tis all about this unreciprocated feeling. I did my best but i did not reap what i harvested. Tis almost like missing out on the fruits of my labour. However GOd, i also noe tt tis not all about grades but understanding as well and at least now i noe wat Dr XXX wants and i noe how to approach the questions she will set in exams. Oh well....i guess i will get over it. Tis not easy shutting up and not blasting out when i felt that she did a bad job with the setting of the paper simply because you reminded me that i am a christian and i got to watch my words.My, i sound like a nerd who goes gaga over results when i should be concerned about whether i tried my best to perform my role as a student and to strive for excellence. Father, there's so much to change and sometimes i think it really takes alot to love and please you. However, nothing beats your death on the cross for me so wat can i say??? Yes Lord. I will do it all for you for you are worthy and beyond comprehension, u are sovereign and great. And u love me. Therefore i love you for u first loved me. Well well...thank you Lord.
Father, Thank You for the opportunity to study with Danny yesterday too. It was a great experience studying alongside with him. It was a great joy to be able to be together with Danny and yet concentrating on my work! I feel so proud of myself coz i din disturb him much!! haha!! so much for fleeing from temptation! The temptation of distracting him and playing with him...gee~ The whole experience is just very sweet. I was very contented to have his presence when i work. I was elated! haha! It doesn't take much to bring much joy to me when it comes to Danny! Thank you GOd. Tis amazing how i still love Danny so much even after all these months with him. I nv knew i can stay long in a relationship. Only You made it possible and i thank you for it, for letting a fickle minded girl like me stay faithful. I would have missed out alot if i did not cherish Danny and stay in love with him..haha...Thank You Father!!!
Thank you for everything. Please sustain me for the coming week....help me to survive and to stay in your presence, with praise and thanksgiving and to serve you in all the roles that you have given to me, striving for excellence and grant me a sensitive heart that i may not sin against you. God be with me through this tough time, walk with me and hold my hand...I am afraid that i may stray away....help me to stay focused...on You.
Thank you Lord.
In Jesus' name i pray, Amen.

Blessings today

Dear GOd,
Thank your for listening to my prayers. I knew u will not give me anything beyond wat i can bear and i could nv have been able to take the pressure if all of danny's relatives start questioning me...u've made the perfect arrangement. It was a good dinner and i am beginning to get to noe danny's relatives. I hope that in due time, i will see them as part of danny's life and my future- apparently these are people that i will eventually have to learn to love and embrace. Today at the dinner, I felt very strongly that love is the only thing that brings a family together and it really dun matter whose opinion or idea is accepted. Tis all eventually about compromising and learning how to work around one another. Assertion of a person's stand simply because of pride is not a cause that is worth pursuing. Eventually if i give in and i dun really suffer except the fact that i cannot get wat i want or do things my way, in exchange i see joy and peace in the family...i think i will choose the latter. There's so much art and skills in communications in this life and the moment we trample on the wrong ground, we could just destroy a trusting relationship...Danny's sister may seemed a little suspicious or unused to affirmation i gave her but i reckon over time if i continue to lavish the love that God u have given to me on her, she would realise that i dun mean any harm at all.
Father i want to thank you for the past that i have, for all the family quarrels that i've seen when i was young, they really serve to remind me how important harmony in a family is. As i build myself up and learn to work around danny, i ask that u may really help me to embrace him and his family and to embrace your love above all. Tis not about pride or whether i made my stand but about love, God's love. I cannot expect anyone who noes not of your love to be perfect, but i need to noe that simply because i am the christian in the family, i will have my part to play, to let the blessings of the lord overflow from me to the lives of others around me.
God, i thank you for the entire day. I thank you cell today and i thank for that renewed passion in me. As i walked out of the house today i had this anxiety and fear leaving me with no choice but to pray and entrust the cell time into your hands. Father, u have proven faithful because ,in this, i've seen how i begin to care about every cell session and look forward to hearing about the lives of my cell people. With the number that u provide, i will do my best to lead them. I will not be discouraged by the low turn up rates. Father, i will learn to make do and to bless with any group that u give me because u are nv wrong and your plan is always the best and i just need to trust and obey. Tis amazing how i get refreshed by the cell sharing and prayer. Tis been so long since we have this sharings and i felt rejuvenated. I finally found the channel to reach out to my cell members! I get to share and i get to pray,wat great joy...all these while i thought i have to imitate other cell leaders and go out for sports etc only to realise that i just got to find the area that i am interested in and GOd will use me thru wateva He gave me...Well, Father, the cell is yours; guide me and show me how to continue blessing and leading the peepz...
All in all, i thank you for the packed but fruitful day. I received your multiple blessings on me. Thank you GOd.
In Jesus' name i pray, Amen.

Victory in Christ

No eyes has seen, no ears has heard what the Lord has conceived for those who love him...He who reigns over heaven and earth has come and died for me on the cross, by the blood of Christ i am set free. Not by my works am i justified but by faith in Jesus; yet who gave me this faith but the Lord who predestined me to be saved. What else and who else can i boast of but my Lord who has all power and glory and honor, who commands and creates...
Too long have i been in the clutches of sin, in sorrow because of the sinful nature that i wrestle with. Today i want to stand victorious in Christ my Lord. I want to live a life of joy and peace, to stand in the presence of the Lord to rejoice and praise him. For in Him, i found all good things and i realise that there is so little that i can do to change myself. Therefore i shall go to He who has the strength and power to change. In Him, I will be empowered, i will live and live victoriously. How precious is the blood of the Lamb! My life is transformed and i see hope in this world...in this world of darkness. I dun wan to forget the days when i was lost for i wan to remember of the Lord's goodness, the day when i realised the pathway to heaven, the God whom i was created to seek and serve...the blessings that i received so far is beyond description simply because the God i found is beyond description. He leaves me in awe of Him, stunned by his meekness and majesty, by this goodness and love...what else is there to live for besides my Lord...
God, as i call u 'Lord", i give everything to you. Everything in my life to you....once again....let me noe that i receive only when i am ready to let go of what i thought i possessed in this world. Help me to noe that everything is in your plan, beautiful and designed for good purposes. I praise your name for i was unworthy but u gave me worth. You made me a little lower than angels and u granted me eternal life. You made me part of your kingdom and got me to take care of some brothers and sisters in christ. You entrusted people to me and gave me the grace to lead. I leave my cell group into your hands for i believe that is where they are the safest. Beyond works, by prayer and petition, i ask that GOd, u yourself, work in each and everyone of their lives. Yet i noe at the same time that i do not even need to ask for they are more precious to you than they are to me. Holy Spirit, work in all your people, that we may not bow down to the world any longer, let your blessing overflow in our lives that we may bless the lost, the weak, the oppressed. Grant us consciousness in this world to challenge the views that we are exposed to every day. Father, your servants come before u in obedience and humility, break us down so that we will not claim any glory that belongs to you, that we may bow before you with praise and thanksgiving. Thank you Lord. May your name be magnified!
In Jesus' name i pray, Amen.

Change

Dear God,
I just finished reading weiwen and grace's blog...feeling sweet about their marriage and excited about all their preparations. It seems like they have really gone a long way to get to where they are now. The future holds so much uncertainties and i wonder if i will be able to go thru wateva that they are going through now. The other day, i was reminded not to take danny for granted. I felt that our relationship has moved beyond the honeymoon period and i am afraid that i might just turn into an evil woman who nags and nags. I want to learn to be a woman after God's own heart, a woman who noes how to submit to my other half and a woman who is in control of my emotions but i'm so so so far from these standards. I am so aggressive and emotional, i am so worried that i will just turn around and start slashing danny and then lift him up to the sky and seat him on cloud nine before slashing him again. I dun wan danny to be on an emotional roller coaster. It takes so much for me to be in control of my emotions, to react slowly but i will have to learn. Father, may u guide and lead me to love, embrace and protect the people that u put in my life to love and bless. May i become the kinda woman who supports and showers care onto the man that i entrust my love to.
Today it suddenly dawn on me that i must learn to treat everyone with love, be it my family, my boyfriend ,my ministry members, or friends. GOd,i have always been receiving but i never give enough. I want to be the kinda woman who noes wat it means to give and to love. I want to learn to be less sarcastic, to be fun but not to go overboard. There's so much to improve. I need so much love and patience before i get too disappointed in myself. GOd, i live this life not by works but by faith but because i love u, i wan to change,i want to strive to be like you, then grant me enough of everything necessary to change. Teach me everything i need to learn to change.Help me to change for i am weak. Fire me up with the passion for u that i will always desire to change and to be out of my comfort zone for you and you alone. Show me the way. Smack me if i am not learning or listening to you. GOd, speak to me. Work through me. Hear me out though i am not worthy, because Jesus died for me i am given the grace to plead before you, the grace to change and to noe that i need to change. Help me not to take you for granted. Above all, help me to put you as first in my life. God, thank you for hearing me out. Change me, please.
In Jesus' name i pray,Amen.

Best Friends!!!

Danny with my Family!

Fushun's talk

Dear Lord God,
I want to thank you for this relationship. On saturday Pastor Fushun spoke about BGR and it seemed like a very long time since this issue is formally discussed in the zone. I thought about Danny and i praise you for him . This relationship is one of the greatest presents in my life. God, u have given me alot- Your gift of Salvation,Wonderful parents etc. Danny is the latest big blessing in my life. Thank you Father.
On the way back, Danny told me about my tenderness and wat he likes about me and tis really amazing because i nv knew that there is a gentle side to myself and i guess i always forget that he really appreciates and loves me. Father, This man is bringing out another side of me. He leaving me milder and less aggressive than before but there is so much so much to change. Nonetheless, i noe,tis all beautiful in good time.
God, your plans are great and marvellous. I've nv seen anything like yours in my life. Just when i thought life is at its lowest u sum up the failures into the most beautiful and wonderful victory. Just when i thought it is impossible to love and trust, u brought danny into my life. Everything about u brings surprises and Father, i like surprises. I like you. You are so full of ideas, more creative than any man and any brains.
I'm sorry for the many times when i din seek u...forgive me Lord...let my eyes dwell on your beauty and greatness,majesty and power once again. Let the fear of GOd be greater than the fear of any other thing in the world. Blaze my love for u once again. You brought love into my life. U even brought a man into my life for me to love ,then teach me wat it means to really really really love u. Let my life be a love story- a love story of our recipocal love;let me learn to love and not receive your love all the time, put a wish and longing within me to return your love, my loving GOd and LoVeR...
In Jesus' name i pray, Amen.