Love, Intimacy and Faithfulness

If there is anything i am called to, it is love, intimacy and faithfulness. In any and every relationship, these three components are vital. All the more in marriage.

Christ and His Church. Our Bridegroom and Us.
A relationship that has to be guarded to the point of death.

So let me die than to leave Your side.
We would rather die than to be alive but dead.

I used to dread the emotional me until i realised the Lord not just appreciates the minds but the hearts of man too. And i learnt that prayers that ascend from the very heart of man is heard by God. Love, Intimacy and Faithfulness begin with the heart, the vessel for the wellspring of life.

And i am so longing for this heart to be filled with the abundance of life. Today my heart craves for its Owner and Creator; today my heart hungers for my King. Simply because that was how i was programmed to be from the beginning of time - programmed to be in communion with my Lord. My system is just being alerted and responding to the eternal call of humanity - to love and worship our Creator God.

All else aside, when everything is stripped away and what are left is just the King and I, i believe it will be the love and intimacy with the Lord that sets me on the path of faithfulness for all eternity.



And that, that in itself, would be a glory, honour and privilege that far surpasses the imagination of man.

Jesus is my Great Intercessor

Just moments ago, i was near to tears with my last entry.

But now i have a new revelations.

A Christian teacher taught me a new thing:

Jesus is Our Great Intercessor.
He is interceding for me.

What have i to fear since God hears Him?

Praise God!

COMMITTMENT

Recently, the Lord has been highlighting something in my life.

At the core of it all, it is about how much i love the Lord and how much i love to walk in His ways.

COMMITTMENT.

It has been all about COMMITTMENT. The Lord seems to be beckoning me to the place of committment---a place that i feared for many years of my life.

The Shuyi that i know has never been bold and courageous except for the times when i am too caught up in wateva passion and moves ahead without thinking of the consequences. Margaret, Margaret knows how i fear every task that is assigned to me. I dunno when i seem to believe the lie that i can't handle anything properly and i can't see it through. I know it is a lie but i really believe it for many years in my life that High 'I' (Influential) people are not consistent workers.

Servanthood, Cruxification on the Cross with Jesus, living a life of Committment and Obedience, Learning to hold and stabilise a Ministry with Jesus...

All these seem so unmanageable. These have been on my mind.

God calls and i am responding but i fear the future i cannot see. I fear that i will shy away from responsibility like in the past. I've failed so many times, uncountable. Now i trust people, i trust those around me much more than i trust myself. I trust Danny, i trust Jane, I trust Dianne, I trust Weiqiang, I trust many many others...and the ironical fact is i dun trust myself. I have failed myself and others more than they have failed me. I find myself at the point where i am just wrestling and asking God HOW?

How to hold on to Your ministry? How can i be entrusted with Your work? Look at the friends around me, they are more trustworthy than me...but God, i am so privileged to be chosen and now i fear...

I greatly fear...to the point of diarrhoea, insomnia, nightmares....oh Lord...how can i handle your ministry?

You said, 'Perfect love drives out all fears'.

And i noe i have not love you perfectly, not to the point of death, not even to the point when i am willing to be committed to your work and your purposes...love.

And now the question that lingers is:


HOW MUCH DO I LOVE YOU LORD?
HOW FAR AM I WILLING TO TRUST YOU TO SEE US THROUGH?
WHERE IS MY FAITH, LOVE AND HOPE?




I need You to come through in my life now and forever...because i can't...