Mistaken

Tis late at night...haven read anything today...thot of starting and finishing Amy Carmichael's biography today but ended up just wasting away...dunno wat i'm doing...suddenly i have a fear within me...fearful that i might just stray away from you in this holidays...a time of resting and indulgence even...

On Sunday i spoke to a youth and asked her if she wanted to have follow up...she told me that she need to think it thru and tt she normally takes a long time...maybe until she grows old and i felt really terrible inside...y? y not today? y not jump at the chance? All these years in church...y haven she realised the goodness of God? I noe not...but tis worrying...thinking about her lukewarm attitude makes me worried...wat happens if i am lidat too...? i am lidat in fact...to a certain extent...

And tis not just her...the taxi driver who drove me to church...he spoke so much about Christ...so much anger...so much accusation and misunderstanding about u...and i just sat there and listened...i wanted so much to tell him that God you love him...i wanted to tell him that you are not the way he describes u 2 be but i dun really noe how...i spoke but i felt that he was not listening...hearing but never listening...and his eyes...they are so blind to you and your goodness...and i noe they are not the only ones...my heart sinks within me even as i type these down...how could they misunderstand you in this way? How hurtful and unloved....how unworthy and wat audacity...that's us....your creation...mere human...always doing silly things...always sinning...

For that reason, we need you all the more...because we are always sinning, always erring, always falling, that's y we really need to cry out to you for help...

At least i noe i need to...grant me enough strength to turn this desire into action...please Father....please Lord...

In Jesus' merciful name i pray, Amen.