Secretly...

It has been a long long long time since i last blogged. My laptop crashed on me.

Am currently in the school now with tons and tons of thoughts jumbled up within. I just sensed that there is so much on my heart but i dun have the slightest idea how to articulate my words.

Life in XXX has been....

first of all....HUMBLING.

The Shuyi who always thought that she has a way with children finds herself at the loss because she hasn't even adapted to the school culture.

WEll, everyone is very nice and it is not stressful, the students are friendly and most of them behave themselves but something seems to be missing.

Maybe i am talking about constancy here. Though it has been a few weeks since school started, i still haven't had my class, no formally announced mentor and no idea what subjects i am helping out in the classes i'll be assigned to.

I so longed to become a full fledged teacher instead of having to wait and pause here and there, awaiting timetabling and relieving different classes every day.

Maybe at the end of everything, i felt like i am shortchanging the students because i was not prepared each time i enter a class, without desk copies many a times, and it dun help when i am untrained.

Demoralised? more so paralysed. Paralysed because i am not thrown to live or die. Though stressful and unsure, i enjoyed taking a class for a week when the teacher is on reservice, i enjoy staying back to mark books and check corrections. I even enjoy being thrashed by students who does not respect me...at least i learn and i can see my progression in a constant setting.

Now, i can only sit back and wait for my relief periods. Now i can only hope that i can teach well though i am not well prepared. Now i can only learn as much.

But the one day i am in this school, i was to absorb all that i can...i want to grow, i want to thrive. I may be untrained but i want to thrive as an untrained teacher.

God, i need your help and blessings. I need the favor of the LOrd GOd Almighty. I need the protection of the Lord GOd Almighty.

I only have one wish- TO SHINE FOR YOU....TO SHINE FOR YOU.

That at the end of the day, this christian teacher has been a blessing and not burden. This christian teacher has been a salt and light to those around me.

BLess you JEsus.