***I want my Reality in Eternity...yes Lord?*

2010-11-21T20:49:00.002+08:00

Lord, help me.

Lord, help me.

Lord, help me.

Help me to be understanding towards him and not angry with her.

Lord, help them.

Lord, help them.

Lord, help them.

Help them to be understanding and give room for work-life balance in his school.

Lord, help us.

Lord, help us.

Lord, help us.

Help the teaching fraternity to know the battles to fight and what to guard and protect.

Lord...

Lord...

Lord...

:(

The Better Half

2010-11-16T12:37:00.005+08:00

Yesterday BK and Huey came by our house to pass us the electronic breast pump and nipple cream. She bought Famous Amos cookies for En En as well. :)

It's amazing how she and BK got along so well. The other day at Waruku, she looked so happy when BK appeared. That's what marriage should be like.

Like when I look at Danny, I feel immense joy, I feel blissful and I am filled with thanksgiving because every part of me cries out, "This is the PERFECT man for MEEEeeee." How my heart rejoices because he is just so adorable and everything I need...though I never knew he would bring so much joy prior to our marriage.

My friend told me the other day that it is hard to trust in marriages because they can be so broken. That's true, I mean I don't really understand because I do not see it happening in my family, or in my immediate family.

But to me, marriage will work as long as both parties commit to it, as long as no one decides to run away or to give up on the covenant. As long as no one is turning their back on past promises and assurance (from God if they have sought Him), then it will work. Therefore the success of a marriage, in my simple terms, is highly dependent on the character of the both parties - the stability that they put in to sustain the marriage.

Then there is this God factor that is evident in families when they allow God's will and purposes to take place and flourish within their lives and household. It is an active desire and willingness to include the seeking of God as a family in the routines established at home, a worldview that is shared and passed down in the family from generation to generation. Sometimes we pass down things untrue and it becomes a curse and warps our minds and hearts and causes us to miss out on the promises of God.

But I must say, how many of us can be assured of our spouses' faithfulness and character? There were those who seems perfect in the beginning but did not managed to run the end of the race well. They strayed.

Therefore, I think it is still a leap of faith- this marriage thingy.

I just thank God when I see so many church members taking the leap of faith and feeling so satisfied with their husbands....haha like Renie, Grassie, Huey, and many who walked the journey before us...

All these men that we were once wary of...or even at one point in time, disgusted with or thought were not fantastic brothers, have risen up and taken their places of authority in the household. I really feel that BK is taking up his leadership role as the man in the house. I feel the same for Weiwen. I feel the same for Danny. Ain't HL doing that too? And I am so proud of them.

Let us not breathe words that comes from a haughty spirit to run down another brother. The men who stand before us may be going to lead women who thinks too highly of themselves. Feminism really has no place in the kingdom of God. It tears down a family, at least that's how Ifeel :)

Onward Christian brothers! All of you are doing a great job! Well done! We are proud of you. You will be great and we must believe and hope for you so that you can be encouraged to be greater. And that is our role, to support, to believe, to encourage, to hope, to respect and to love.

I love you, Danny.

I respect you, Danny :)

Edena (E-de (sounds like dee) -na)

2010-11-15T12:06:00.021+08:00

E-de-na ('e' vowel sound, 'de'-di, 'na'-nuh)

Edena Koh Song en.

Eden, the garden flowing with springs of living water, the vision that I see each time I pray about En En's Christian name :) Isaiah 51:3 Eden - the name which the Lord gave unto me in the first half of 2010 when I read 'Walking in the Wilderness' by John Bevere.

Eden - The name which encompasses 'Song' (songs of melody) and 'En' (thanksgiving).

I spoke to many ones and sought their opinions.

And I waivered.

I sought an alternative - Edena was the first variant that came to my mind but...hmmm....?

Continued seeking the Lord and decided that I should go for a common name that I am okay with. One that has the approval of most people. Ha, approval of people more than the heart of God for my little one...that's me, Ariel, trying to win the approval of man....again.

Then Sister Dianne sent me a message. 'I dreamt that you named your child 'Adena' or 'Edena'.

I asked her if it was from God. She said she only dreamt about my pregnancy twice. Once I was pregnant and my womb was full of treasure, this was the other time.

So I kept her message at the back of my mind. I did not want a variant, especially if the variant traces back to 2 root names instead of 1 - Edna and Eden.

Danny and I moved on to find more names. August 31, I've selected a list of names and placed it on Facebook.

Then over the months, Danny and I struggled between Danielle and Eden until November 8 2010 when I decided on Danielle and posted the name up on Facebook again 'tentatively' (for others) ...and officially (for me).

November 9, no peace...

November 10, no peace...

November 11, and I knew. The vision came as usual, a garden with fountains of living water was the impression in my heart, Eden.

November 12, Danny prayed and struggled. He did not want to settle for Edenia (The name we came up with when we looked for a variant of Eden that will not trace back to any other root name). He did not like the 'nia' sound as the extension of 'Eden'. He wanted the root name or nothing at all but the Lord gave him peace and convinced him that it is not what he wants but what God wants for En En.

November 13, we were walking to the market when I asked Danny if he wanted Eden, Edenia or Edena. I shared my concerns about Edena tracing back to two root names. I asked Danny if he thinks our child will be a warrior. He looked at me and said, that was what he thought of the previous night and that morning when he prayed. He was praying for En En to be a worship... per? ..war... and he stopped short because he did not want his child to war. It would be a hard life *snigger snigger* :) but there was no other words that fitted into his prayer and he did not want to slot 'warrior' in.

Edena - Edna (warrior) and Eden (delightful). Irony how Mummy who has been prophesied as a warrior on many trips and occasions received the name, 'Eden' (Mild, sweet, safe and delightful name) while Daddy, the gentle, meek and peace-loving man received the impression, 'warrior' (Edna), as the destiny of baby.

E-de-na, the name that was dreamt by our friend.

November 14, Edena Koh Song En.

I hope you like your name.

Encountering God.

2010-11-13T11:45:00.006+08:00

The Lord has been speaking...

He has not left me alone.

I WAS really depressed for some time.

Since my last visit to the gynae on Wednesday when I learnt some things about baby.

I WAS worried. VERY worried and ANXIOUS...

But since that night, the Lord has spoken louder than ever since the last time He foretold the coming of the baby till the confirmation...

He is speaking again....in ways where I cannot deny His presence and faithfulness.

In my darkest hour and time,

He rescues...He becomes the refuge, the Healer and the Saviour, He redeems me...

Abba Father, Lord Jesus, my faithful counsellor, the Holy Spirit.

Thank you.

November 10 (Wednesday) night - A story on the mourning mother whom Jesus took compassion on, He prayed over the Son and life returned to him, cried and prayed with Danny to God. Then the audible voice of God, presence of the Father till I fell asleep....finally

November 11 (Thursday) evening - at the ALTAR, Chitrani was not present, Aunty Ivy has to lock up the place. Prayed over me and Danny and laid hands on my womb, kept praying fervently over the health of baby. She prayed the resurrection life and power over baby, she kept calling forth life over baby...and I knew that the story I read the night before was from God. She told me not to worry, NOT TO LOOK AT THE SITUATION, not to speak of the negative and repeat it, as our Lord's words has power, so we who are created in His image has power in our words. She told us to call forth life, to prophesy (speak bible verses and sing songs of worship, pray) goodness and life over baby. And we were counseled and consoled.

Before we slept, we read this by Charles Spurgeon,

HOPE for the BARREN

"Sing, O barren!" Isaiah 54:1 NKJV

There are times when we feel very BARREN. Prayer is lifeless, love is cold, faith is weak; each grace in the GARDEN of our heart languishes and droops. In such a condition, what are we to do? I can sing of Jesus Christ. I can talk of visits which the Redeemer has paid to me. I can magnify the great love with which He loved His people with He came from the heights of heaven for their redemption. I will go to the cross again. Come, my soul, heavy-laden you once were and lost your burden there. Go to Calvary again. Perhaps that very cross which gave you LIFE might give you FRUITFULNESS. What is my barrenness? It is the platform for /his FRUIT-creating power. What is my desolation? It is the setting of sapphire of his everlasting love. I will go in poverty. I will go in helplessness, I will go in all my shame and backsliding; I will tell him that I am still His child, and in confidence in His faithful heart, I will sing and cry aloud. Sing, believer, for it will cheer your heart and the hearts of other desolate ones. Sing on, for now that you are really ashamed of being barren, YOU WILL BE FRUITFUL SOON; now that God makes you reluctant to be without fruit, He will soon cover you with clusters. THE EXPERIENCE OF OUR BARRENNESS IS PAINFUL. BUT THE LORD'S VISITATION ARE DELIGHTFUL (yes my beloved, indeed your name is eden meaning delightful...literally, now root word or variant as name???) . A sense of our own poverty drives us to Christ, and that is where we need to be, for in Him is our FRUIT found.

November 12 (Friday) night - Asked Danny about the lyrics of a Chinese worship song. In the middle of the night, wailing for Mummy. Ate like mad for the past 2 weeks but it did not work, so now I forced myself to sleep but each time my head hit the pillow, I had horrible tension headache. Mummy realised that I was overwhelmed with anxiety, didn't know I was THIS affected. Now I got to let go and let God. But how?

November 13 (Saturday) morning - Daily Bread led Danny to Psalm 139, I formed you in your mother's womb. Jiafeng typed the same verse. I asked for the tune of the song taken from the same psalm the night before. Danny prayed over me. It was God confirming the verses. Entered into a season fasting together with dearie. Both confessed our sins and worshipped for the first time in the living room in the presence of Dearie's mum. Our worship has moved into the open. Finally prompted to picked up my Lisa Bevere's chapter on Fasting again. The Lord spoke...revealing the lesson that He was teaching this end year.

2007 (Cambodia) - Hold your tongue, stop cursing and lusting

2008 (IHOP, USA) - Pain, childhood hurts, worldview of unfairness, healing

2009 - (Korean Prayer Mountain) Anxiety, generational and familiar spirit

2010 - (Singapore) Death

O and behold, no wonder I was sensing a presence in my room again, the same experience of something trying to enter into me and take control...

May the Lord gain victory yet again.

A season of desperate seeking has and will begin.

Good morning little one :)

2010-11-11T08:57:00.003+08:00

I woke up.

Ate an egg tart.

Took the supplements.

Ate bird's nest.

Drank plain water to hydrate you.

Ate oats with milk, and wheatgerms.

Drank a bottle of chicken essence.

Cried buckets.

Watched worship videos online and con't crying.

He spoke to me last night. Said you will be fine. Told me to go and sleep. And i did.

Said i have lessons to learn. You will be fine.

I hope so.

If it is the right voice i am listening to, then you are assured.

I love you. Because you are within me, therefore it makes it easier for me to carry any guilt when you are not well or growing like any other.

He is worried to me. Your daddy. Yesterday as we prayed, he told me he is worried too. As he held me in his arms, while i was crying, he said he is worried too.

Look how much we love you.

Even He has to speak to me yet again to tell me to sleep, to go to bed and assure me that you are fine. I do not know what i have to learn or His plans for me. But you will be fine. He said therefore you will be. Unless i was dreaming.

*Tears*

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge and He will make your paths straight.

Mummy must confess that i am worried....tis natural...but you are in His hands, that's where i choose to place my trust.

Because that's where you are the safest.

Have a nice day. I love you. Happy kicking. :)

A little conversation with my little one :)

2010-11-10T21:28:00.002+08:00

Can I call you Eden?

Do you mind if your name is not too feminine?

Dear Eden,

How are you feeling today? Did you eat or absorb anything?

Doctor Irene said you are a little too light you noe?

Mummy has stopped work and is a lot more relaxed and rested so Mummy is not going to bear the blame of you being too light.

Mummy is not going to blame you too. Tis okay Eden.

Take your time.

we are not rushing you. Every child is unique in his or her own way. You are beautiful and unique the way you are, growing at your own pace.

Daddy can sow, Mummy can water but it is the Lord who determines your growth.

Mummy is determined to react to this news differently from the last time I went to the gynae...

Mummy can choose to fret and wail or to trust in the Lord and not lean on my own understanding.

Mummy chooses the latter. Mummy chooses to be a good owner and not take ownership of you. Mummy chooses to believe that God has his plans and purposes for us, one that serves to prosper, to give us a hope and a future.

Mummy chooses to root myself in the Word of God and to react by believing in the Bible.

Mummy loves you. Mummy must love God a WHOLE LOT more than Mummy loves you therefore Mummy chooses submission in all matters regarding you, include my reaction to situations concerning you.

Eden, my baby, just grow in the Lord. Be a well watered garden. Whatever your size, however long your life span on this Earth, I already knew and know in my Spirit that... ...

You are beautiful.

Daddy loves you.

Mummy loves you.

God loves you.

Remember.

English Name for Song En

2010-11-09T17:44:00.003+08:00

I can't sleep the whole night.

Is Danielle the second best?

It is a biblical character that I like - Daniel...and the closest to Danny and myself. And it is a beautiful name that both of us appreciate.

And many others also appreciate this name.

Am I settling for a second best?

"Actually we were happy with Eden all the way until people started to tell us that it is for the boys,"said Daddy.

Ya, you are right. That was when I was swayed. When I wasn't sure anymore.

Not sure of the scripture.

Not sure of the visions of the flourishing watered land - well watered gardens in Isaiah 58.

But each time I think of you, the same vision and image of the well watered land - Eden.

What about 'Adena' and 'Edena'? Something lidat.

She said that was what she dreamt I that I named my little one.

And she is a dreamer.

That's how God spoke to her.

'Edena', a variant of Eden.

'Edenia', the variant that I was considering when I sought for something more feminine to replace 'Eden'.

I was angry. That You gave Lena's son a name but not mine. But didn't You give? But I hesitated. Isn't it the same the last time? I found Ariel in the scripture. I had visions of lions. I had verses. I had others to pray over me and confirm this name.

Now i need a confirmation. A strong confirmation and I will move ahead. I'm sorry. I just needed the assurance that my daughter will not be laughed at for the name that I give her...

Eden Koh Song En

Edena Koh Song En

Edenia Koh Song En

Danielle Koh Song En

Speak to me more CLEARLY for I am hard of hearing.

Thunder in my ears or whisper in my heart that I may know.

That I may know DEEP in my Spirit.

Review of my Call 2007

2010-11-08T21:47:00.003+08:00

2006, disppointment in church. 2006, left all service. 2006, led into a fellowship with brothers and sisters from other churches, leaders each in their ministries. 2006, exposed to the other spectrum of Christianity. 2006, metamorphosis Camp, the clear and audible leading of the Spirit in my thoughts.

01/01/2007 A new bible- ESV.

03/01/2007 My first meeting with my intercession partner.

_________________________________________________________

07/01/2007 The Call.

2 hours...

2 hours? That's crazy! 5 days...please...5 days...

*Struggles*

6 days...gimme 1 day of break...i can't do it every day...i can't...

*Struggles*

Fine, 7 days, 2 hours every day.

*Peace*

That was the deal.

Pray. Take this time to pray. Pray for my church, pray for my people. Seek me and pray.

I can't.

Indeed i can't.

But Christ can.

____________________________________

3 years later,

Connected to Shalom Singapore HOP('07), Graduation('07) Cambodia trip('07), Israel trip('07),Contract teaching('08), NIE('08), IHOP trip('08), Proposal & Wedd Prep('09), Teaching('09), Marriage('09), Korea Prayer Mountain trip('09), Pregnancy & Delivery('10).

I was set into place though I felt totally out of place with the cramming of events in life.

And more and more, the call is beckoning again.

Go set yourself in a ministry. Re-enter into the church. 3 years of being plucked out, now tis time to return. You have stood by the side long enough. And time to PRAY again.

Where to serve?

How to serve in this new life stage with my baby?

Do I have the commitment and perseverence to not give up halfway this time round?

What about work? Family? Balance in life?

Finance issues at home?

*Silence*

*Home alone on maternity leave*

*Any more reason not to seek God, complaints about having no time to seek God?*

Silenced.

What's in a name?

Ariel, Lion of God, Altar, Jerusalem

***

Bring me back to that secret place-the garden of Eden where I meet You.

Eden - the place that I prayed for refuge in the midst of my busyness.

"Lord, if being pregnant is the only way I can have a break to seek You once again, I dun mind being pregnant."

That was the prayer.

Isaiah 51

Everlasting Salvation for Zion

1 “Listen to me, you who pursue righteousness and who seek the LORD: Look to the rock from which you were cut and to the quarry from which you were hewn; 2 look to Abraham, your father, and to Sarah, who gave you birth. When I called him he was only one man, and I blessed him and made him many.

3 The LORD will surely comfort Zion and will look with compassion on all her ruins; he will make her deserts like Eden, her wastelands like the garden of the LORD. Joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the sound of singing.

4 “Listen to me, my people; hear me, my nation: Instruction will go out from me; my justice will become a light to the nations. 5 My righteousness draws near speedily, my salvation is on the way, and my arm will bring justice to the nations. The islands will look to me and wait in hope for my arm. 6 Lift up your eyes to the heavens, look at the earth beneath; the heavens will vanish like smoke, the earth will wear out like a garment and its inhabitants die like flies. But my salvation will last forever, my righteousness will never fail.
7 “Hear me, you who know what is right, you people who have taken my instruction to heart: Do not fear the reproach of mere mortals or be terrified by their insults. 8 For the moth will eat them up like a garment; the worm will devour them like wool. But my righteousness will last forever, my salvation through all generations.”
9 Awake, awake, arm of the LORD, clothe yourself with strength! Awake, as in days gone by, as in generations of old. Was it not you who cut Rahab to pieces, who pierced that monster through? 10 Was it not you who dried up the sea, the waters of the great deep, who made a road in the depths of the sea so that the redeemed might cross over? 11 Those the LORD has rescued will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away.
12 “I, even I, am he who comforts you. Who are you that you fear mere mortals, human beings who are but grass, 13 that you forget the LORD your Maker, who stretches out the heavens and who lays the foundations of the earth, that you live in constant terror every day because of the wrath of the oppressor, who is bent on destruction? For where is the wrath of the oppressor? 14 The cowering prisoners will soon be set free; they will not die in their dungeon, nor will they lack bread. 15 For I am the LORD your God, who stirs up the sea so that its waves roar— the LORD Almighty is his name. 16 I have put my words in your mouth and covered you with the shadow of my hand— I who set the heavens in place, who laid the foundations of the earth, and who say to Zion, ‘You are my people.’”

***On a side note, En En was God's answered prayer to the place of intimacy. 'Eden' is what she brings forth with her coming...to me, to daddy and to the family (and all the family rules that we will establish).

Her destiny, my heartfelt prayer...her journey...like her Chinese name 'Song4-worship' & 'En1-Grace n Thanksgiving'.

Her model, our hopes and prayers for her: Danielle (God is my Judge). Be beautiful, be full of knowledge and stature, grow in the favour of man and God, be strong in the face of persecution, worship and partner with the Heavenly hosts...my prayers for you is to walk with God on this Earth, with your heart wholly given to God, and hands learning to serve God and man.

*Danielle Koh Song En*

Thank you for bringing me back to the Garden of Eden where I meet God.

Mummy thanks you, Thank you.

Hello En En!

2010-10-29T17:40:00.002+08:00

Cried the whole of yesterday and this morning.

Time to put on weight En En!

Mummy loves you.

I've packed all your things, removed everything that is too old...sorted out your stuff.

All ready for your arrival.

Mummy only have...

Your bathing soap, shower foam and shampoo left to buy...

and your baby clothes detergent....

Mummy can't buy too many diapers coz i dunno which brand you like...will try along the way la :)

A baby monitor when you are older...

Double breast pump if i go to work...with the bottles for bottle feed...

that's all...prepared what you are wearing at the hospital too...

You are not getting anymore clothes okie? Too many clothes already...

Maybe I can get you a raincoat.........for your stroller...you won't need a raincoat, the stroller will protect you...i will try my best to protect you too.

***** Just grow up well, be healthy, full of wisdom, statue and grow in favour of men and God....and be beautiful in form and in character *****

Haha that's almost everything. But of course we wish the best of everything for our little ones....you definitely. Mummy is well-loved...you'll be well-loved too...

I'm waiting for you, to love you in person.

Welcome.

The baby cot will be up very soon once papa is free.

It will be beautiful. It will be cosy.

Come join us....the Kohs and Zhuangs and many others await you.... :)

Tired....

2010-10-27T21:21:00.003+08:00

I got no more stamina...

last 2 days of my work. Was supposed to be making sure that i conclude my work well but i'm really very tired....with a few days of 4 hours...the naps are not working out for me...think a normal human will be tired, let alone a 3rd trimester mother....

Really feeling the fatigue...

Danny is marking furiously beside me....i brought home my marking too but if i mark, i will start crying coz i feel so pent up....so tired and drained physically....i just wanna rest.....i just wanna rest....i just wanna rest....sleep in and rest...

Help Help Help!!!!!!!!!

Okie.....i'm going to the room to nua....thinf i just need the break...

Tomorrow Enen is going for her scan....i want to give birth on the 37 or 38 week....God please help me....God please help me.....God please help me....in your timing....but is my desire in your timing? I want to give birth........................

Ahhhhh..............

Ahhhhhhhhh...............

Can i buy my diaper bag? Just to indulge and spend? I dun need it but can i buy? Can i buy? tis almost like throwing away money for fun..........

but can i just throw money away?

Tis been one year of being in debt and trying to pay off the marriage and renov fund......one last month....then baby fund.....when can i be free? When can i be more lax with my money and splurge in joy????

The timeline for the resetting of account is too close.... :(

I also want to just spend, do everything in comfort, enjoy expensive food every day, take taxi home when i'm super tired from a day of marking, buy a piece of maternity clothes for myself.....etc etc...

single life vs married life....

growing up....

Lacking the stamina and positive attitude tonight....

just ranting away.....just ranting....just rannting.....

ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz.............into dreamland with my nua-ness.......

Meditation and Reflections

2010-10-22T08:50:00.002+08:00

Start where you are in serving the Lord,
Claim His sure promise and trust in His Word;
God simply asks you to do what you can—
He’ll use your efforts to further His plan. —Anon.

I dreamt of Cui again. Or so i thot. Maybe it was just a passing thot. Yesterday i went to buy food at this vegetarian shop and i started to pray for the people there. There were about 10 men working there, cooking and serving, all wearing white shirt, jeans, pants or slippers. They wore the same expression on their face. It was a calm look, and one that says, 'I care not about the world and the transcendency of it'.

Buddhism.

There were some who had tattoos on them and i guessed they were won over and tired out by the alternative way of life. They changed and joined the fraternity, but not of the same Kingdom that i speak of...

They pledged their life to meditation, to emptying themselves of the world, not too different from what my dear friend is doing now, but the crux of it all, is the filling of oneself with which spirit - that of the world and universal as they claimed it to be or the Holy Spirit that we speak of.

In my dreams, i was invited to the gathering in a cave and monks were there. I had to empty myself and meditate. And it was scary because it was not the Holy Spirit that took over. Of course there's an element of romance that lasted for seconds....haha, a little brush with a little monk, but what comes out of the dream was.....Life is not about personal meditation. At least not for me at this point in my life.

Perhaps Mushi did a really good job expounding the Word on Sunday but this life is really about speaking the Word of God and letting it take form in my life and through my words- being conscious and daring enough to apply, quote and paraphrase them in my daily conversations so that the power of the Word can bring forth righteousness and presence of God in this world. There's so much to contribute to the life and growth of people around me.

I feel so compelled to serve yet faltering at the thot of my unprecedented future - motherhood. hmmmm....tis a time of relection. Hopefully i will be able to sort out the path to take during the weeks of rest prior to En's arrival in my life.

Jiayou Shuyi! Jiayou Ariel! Jiayou to the owner of the pink parker pen!

God loves you Shuyi. Everyone loves you. Dun worry, you are in Good hands.

Random unproductive thots and babbling

2010-10-21T09:08:00.003+08:00

I'm looking through past photos in Facebook. The days prior to my marriage seemed so long ago. I felt like i have been married for years, dealing and coping with new things in life. My life seemed to have surrounded around Danny since i got married or maybe since i got pregnant.

Life really progresses huh?!!!

TIs 9am and i'm still not doing anything. All i can feel now is the sleeping bug that is taunting me...can't sleep at night....hmmm...

These days baby is kicking hard than ever - maybe tis trying real to get out of me...

How does it feel to not be pregnant....to have an empty womb after birth? Wah...my friend was just telling me about the empty womb syndrome when the mother starts longing for a second baby...haa wait till i'm really to put on weight once again.

This is my 2nd last week in school and i'm really unproductive....3rd trimester fatigue? Or am i just unmotivated....whatever...i need a nap.

I really need a nap.

Good night 9.16am world. I'm napping now.

PSLE Marking and Clearing of Duties before Maternity Leave

2010-10-19T13:50:00.002+08:00

There's so many things that i am leaving behind.

So many things that i din wish to let go of especially after i've gained the experience to carry them through.

It took me one year before i learnt the ropes to being a CIP coordinator and now that i am more experienced, i am letting go of the position. Humph...

Yet it is a choice that i have made to make way for En En in my life.

I only have 2 weeks left in the school. This week and the next and i'll be gone. I'm not really ready to leave. I'm afraid that i'll leave the place in a mess. It won't be right. Yet while settling things, there's a sour feeling that i am experiencing. Giving away what i have built up. Given an entire week in school to settle my CIP. Doing up the framework and making sure that the next person gathers enough information for the SEM next year, coaching along the way and paving a way for the other person so that things will go easier for her when i'm gone. I felt a little reluctant (selfish) because i was never led to this place of leadership in the same way. I was left to just pickk up whatever that was left to me. Maybe i'm just being vengeful and hoping that others ave to go through the same learning process as me.

Sensual desire. Selfishness. How i struggle with it. Silly me.

I prayed for the school, for system to be set right and look at me now. Selfish. Yearning credit and recognition for myself, i placed my interest and vanity above the good of the school and the pupils. Not exactly the kind of Christian i think Jesus would like to see. Sorry Lord.

Tis scary because the timetable is so flexible. I could just waste my days away and end up not clearing anything or i could just accomplish everything i need during these days of PSLE marking. I need to be wise and discipline in my use of time.

Oh well....

Ariel! jiayou!!!! It is not the beginning of the race that matters! It is the end of the race that concludes how well you have persevered and persisted right to the end.

Finish up your markings, key in all your results. Mark all that you need to mark and return the rest to the pupils! Make sure all the CIP hours are inputed. Clear every single thing that are placed on your dish. This is your window of grace, a time for you to RUN the end of your race BEAUTIFULLY.

Glorify the Lord with your life, long not for the glory and praises of man so that your treasures in heaven will be great.

You need to be so much more in terms of your character. You need to be so much more.

Jiayou Ariel. Jiayou. The Lord has his cup for you. Give thanks to Him and take up the challenges in life, walk and run faithfully so that you can bring joy to your best friend, Jesus. May you be a comfort to Jesus. May you be a joy to him. May your struggle to live in a godly manner be a sweet offering unto Him.

Live by the Word of the Bible. Live according to the Word. It will not fail you. The Word will change you. The word has power. Live obediently for the Lord. Live OBEDIENTLY. That is the key to living for the Lord. Oh may the Lord help you and bless you Ariel.

Like how He surprised you with the gift wrapper for the Toy Buffet just now. Like how the wrapper was delivered just when you thought you had to buy them. It will be timely.

Bless you Ariel. I bless myself through the blood of Jesus in the name of my Lord and friend Jesus.

Love you Lord. Love you.

Insurmountable task

2010-10-18T12:28:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, my hubby laid beside me and dropped a tear when i read my bible reading to him. My dearie was a little stressed. I cry all the time but it's different when i saw my dearie drop my tear. Like my heart broke.

Tis really not easy to manage all that has been entrusted to us at every life stage and as we grow, the share that we seemed to have to handle grows bigger and bigger. We thought we have cleared a milestone only to find ourselves with greater challenges up ahead.

It's unbelieveable how challenges one after another are handed and conquered.

Insurmountable task. Ticked and cleared from our checklist. Yet another comes.

Pregnancy sounds scary but giving birth is worse. Giving birth is painful but recovery....dreadz...

Recovery is short term, then confinement is longer. Learning to breastfeed sounds far away until the confinement lady is ready to leave. The first few days without her would be tough but imagine life with work and baby.

It seems like the load just keep increasing.

Ahhhhhhhhhhh......ahhhhhhhhhh.......ahhhhhhhhh.....

Hmmm...how the Lord stretches us...

What a journey!!!

At the end of the day, we would say,

Praise the Lord for i am molded.

Nearing Delivery

2010-10-14T22:52:00.003+08:00

I'm nearing delivery....my cramps have come back....i wanted to have a balanced diet and not to overeat at night...i wanted to stick to my 3 meals. Yesterday night, i came home and fell asleep, woke up during midnight but went back to sleep. This morning i drank bird's nest and had gastric from the moment i awaken till 10am...I was too hungry because i din snack during the wee hours of the night.

Looks like En En likes food...like her papa...love them both....but the weight gain is not exactly my cup of tea...oh well...

Today i got a shocking news....my P is leaving and the news was just too sudden....no good or bad, just that suddenly everyone in the school is guessing what is coming up ahead...the unknown brings fear and i think we just dun really like to be out of control.

Every tongue was talking and the buzz was ongoing....everyone is speculating....and it brought me to a place where i'm reminded that i need to pray for my leaders...for every change that takes place, especially concerning those in authority and power, we need to uphold our leaders in prayers. We need to support them in prayer. How many times have i prayed for my P?

Like a young chap in the school system, i was just doing my job and trying to survive. I have not found my call to guard my leaders of to be a light in the staff room....now i need to be so much more...i need to learn....Oh Lord, help me....

HHelp me to own the school, to noe that God has a reason for me in the school, let not anyone look down on me because i am young and just a ground level teacher...

Let me believe in the power of prayer to let righteousness rest in my school, to build the education sector into a place flourishing with life and growth...

Let me be a good ground level teacher....help me Lord...

Weight Gain during Pregnancy

2010-10-10T17:08:00.002+08:00

It was a big issue for me.

Gaining weight is really a scary thot.

I've never weighed more than 55kg in my life. In fact, i've always capped my weight at 52kg and that was all that i could bear.

Now i am 61kg. I have gained 9kg. It was scary. I am entering into my last 2 months of pregnancy - 33 weeks pregnant and gaining weight like nobody's business.

What a scary thought.

Every time i went for the pregnancy woman gathering and met Huey, i became more conscious of my weight gain. More aware of how much weight i have put on. I've compared myself to her and secretly hated my pregnancy and how it caused me to be fat.

The gathering has stopped because Grace is now pregnant and too tired to lead us. And for the first time i felt liberated because i dun have someone to compare to and i just live and eat so that En En will be healthy.

But today i met Huey again. And it affected my mood. She looked radiant. I looked PREGNANT. She looked good, i looked somewhat bloated and red as i enter into the pre-delivery stage.

I came home, sulked and slept. Awakened but refused to work. So i took up my book to read.

And YOU spoke.

One whole chapter about WEIGHT GAIN. You ended the chapter on how women feared pregnancy because of the weight gain. You were reaching out to me.

Will you help me with my weight issues and idoletry?

Being thin makes me feel good about myself. Makes me feel accepted. It gives me a sense of pride. It used to make me feel healthy.

Maybe i forgot what it means to me.

Now it is beauty that i am concerned with, not health. Somewhere along the way, something went wrong and an unhealthy preoccupation has brought about fear and worry.

Sorry Lord because i am no longer concerned about living right for you. Laziness and sloth has overtaken me in this household and i have been lazy about the upkeep of my personal life.

I used to really want to tidy up my room so that my life will be in order but for as long as i noe it, i have not been willing to bother myself with it.

Though i live in this house, i rejected it. It was not my home because there was someone else in it. I'm sorry i could not accept Danny's mum....deep within my heart. I din want to bother myself with many things because i just din like the idea that i dun own anything...i dunno how to explain.

But Father, i know something is amiss and that is something that we will have to address very soon. Help me Father. Help me to find our how i truly feel about Danny's parents staying in this house with me. Reveal it to me and help me to handle it.

There's a mental block and i can't reach it. It is too deep and perplexed for me. Grant me eyes of revelation to make sense of how i feel about Danny's mum being in this house. Help me Lord.

In Jesus's name,

Amen.

Vanities of Vanities

2010-10-08T09:21:00.002+08:00

Vanities of Vaitites, all is but Vanity...

And this too, is a chasing after the wind...

It was a time of meditation, of revelation...

like the image of a walk in a dark and dirty tunnel...70-80years of life chasing after the slugs and slime, thinking that there is something worthy of our attention.

Living without the concept of the beautiful blue sky and wonders of the world beyond the tunnel. Our life on earth. Our chase after material gains and status / achievements.

Yet if you say that i live for God. How often do i consciously live for him? How often do i forget why i'm living.

Yet daily, i gritted my teeth and carried this heavy pregnant shell around, expending my strength in this fast paced tunnel that leaves me blinded to the larger world and entity of the Heavenly one.

I walked, ran and played like any others and wished for greater achievements but it was all just futility for now i have to give it all up for the little life that is joining my family. Who would have thought this is the path that i would choose to take?

And everything became the vanities of life and futility yet again.

Where am i heading? What am i living for? I only noe that at the end of the tunnel i will see light and an explanation will be given, a presence that will answer the many questions of life that man sought and found no answers to.

Then together with the beings above, my eyes will forever be set on what it was created for - The Most High and hopefully, the futility will cease.

waiting for the pregnancy days to be over...

2010-10-07T15:56:00.002+08:00

I dun remember the days when i was slim...was looking thru my facebook profile and envying the past me...haha....funny...

This pregnancy is so long...been 8 months but i still have so many weeks more to go...feels so long...7 more weeks...En en...mummy can't wait for you to come....wishing that you will appear on the 37th weeks so that i can enter into another phase of life.

But thinking about the pain...tis so sianz...

En En...i love you anywayz...

What longing for stability,...

2010-10-06T21:48:00.003+08:00

I love my church.

Was sharing with ah neh about this sister who has left recently...

Deep within, i din understand why....i've gone throu the years when i thot of leaving...

but now, i can't see myself elsewhere.

There are lives to be moulded, people to grow up with and watch them grow.

There are so much to be done in the church of God.

I can choose to be one of those who desire for more intimacy with God and for deeper growth - but is personal growth all there is to one's commitment and presence in the church?

Maybe? For a season while we experience God and is on the mountain top but there will come a time when there is so much more that can be done and contributed, when it is not just about dwelling in the presence but bringing others into the same presence, establishing an environment that is conducive for such a growth...

When did i become attached to this church again?

When did i think about serving again?

dunno.

But it happened.

En En, how will mummy's life change with your entry?

Mummy is waiting to find out for myself...

do you noe that your arrival impacted my life...suddenly everything changed.

Thank you for coming into my world to teach me to grow up.

I love you En En.

You probably stabilise my world more than you can imagine...

I love you En En.

You are a great gift that is beyond my imagination.

Never thot i will grow. Without you, i will never accept growing up.

I love you. Mama loves you En En!

Loving you,

Ariel Mummy

A new outlook for my teaching career

2010-10-04T12:52:00.002+08:00

Dear God,

I worship you this day. Thank you for being my God. Thank you for teaching me and guiding me back unto the right path again.

Turning my back against the arrogance of my declaration, "I will do this for God...I will do that for God..."

Now every moment it is a time to say, "Because you have saved me and loved me, let me walk in thanksgiving and love unto you...let me be offered up as a pleasing sacrifice unto you and let my daily walk become an act of love...i do not have expensive perfume to pour over your feet and you are not physically present with me as Jesus is but you are with me for your name is Emmanuel therefore i will praise you with my life. I will learn to honour you with my lips."

This time round, not in arrogance but with a heart of thanksgiving and hopefully it will bring a little joy and smile to you as trivial as my walk may be...may You be pleased...

Learning to not look at myself and base my worth on what i have done, not to base my reaction on what others have done unto me but to look forward in this race every second and minute of my life, to make use of every opportunity to say, the next minute and second, let me behave as You would so desire so that it is not done unto man but unto you Lord...Forgiveness is not looking and holding on to the one who hurt me but ignoring and forgetting so that i may live and lift my next action in worship unto you my Lord...set my eyes on you instead of myself so that i may model after the glorious King of the Universe, the creator of my life...

Grant me a pure heart to seek you and love you yet again my Lord...

I want to love you, i desire to love you, i seek to love you, i set my heart to love you...help me Lord.

For the next second and minute, for the next few hours of choir and for the days to come....help me for i am forgetful,

Help me not to forget to seek you with purity and in truth...forever...

Resilience

2010-09-23T10:47:00.002+08:00

Resilience...

Oceans will part....indulged in it for a few minutes...viewed Janelle's baby photos...a little more emotionally stabilised now...fighting back the constant urge to tear again or rather to wail again because someone will come to my lane soon and i dun need anyone to see me breaking down in the school....it is getting crowded.

Take a deep breath...

Think about En En...

Let the shell of protection slowly build up once again. I dun even noe when it suddenly disappeared...maybe when i got provoked by the class and then on facebook? But i have deleted the entire post. Both the posts.

Baby was kicking non-stop just now when i was angry...poor baby...

Forgive me Lord. Forgive me for being narrow-minded. Forgive me for uncouth and unnecessary words that caused so much responses. Forgive for my lack of prudence. Let me not speak such a words again. As i attack, the whole world attacks in return. This is a weird friendship. One with a victimised and aggressor response and reaction. Maybe this is the first friendship that i should steer from or maybe i should just not be so emtional about it.

Sorry Lord. I forgot that my class is filled with kids. Kids from a background that i cannot understand. They must be hungry. Help me to be more compassionate to them.

Dear Lord, in my anger, hold me from sin. You noe how i'm ruled by emtions and go crazy once it takes over. Thank you for these 2 periods to wail and to calm down. Walk with me now before i am taken over by reckless thots and deeds and ruled by extreme soulish emotions...

What struggles...

Help me Lord...

Deliver me and forgive me...

Help me to forgive those who have hurt me and touched my sore points.

Help me Lord....

In the name of Jesus I pray,

Amen.

Rational venting session...

2010-09-23T10:05:00.002+08:00

Dear God,

I have a sore spot. A sore spot that was touched by many others. It was surfaced in US and it has just surfaced again. Many people chooses to evade the topic but as for me, i attack....simply because that's how i react. And this time round, i chooses to give up on all fellowship and relationships with all these people. I think i had enough of ppl poking around my sore spot.

School has not been easy. I am tired. There's a part of me that does not even understand why I refused to be vulnerable. I'm sick. I put on a mask everyday and pretend to be so energetic and then i go home and cry every night. This is ridiculous. I should just laugh at myself. How can my kids spend one whole period just learning how to copy the answers correctly with capital letters? This is called being attentive or committed to work? I just am very tired. Tired of this kind of things and the many things that i am trying to balance...and maybe my depression is changing into a state of ANGER that attacks everyone and anyone who comes my way.

You told me to persevere. You told me that it will be better after the rain but every part of me is struggling at this point of time in my life. I am just so angry....so tired...

Father, can i go home now? Can i stop working for a little while? Can i just pause and have a little more joy? I want to be holy but i am a human too. There are points when we break down and Lord, i think this is the point when i break down. When i cannot continue anymore.

What is so great about being pregnant? It does not give any entitlement. It just mean that when you are a whole lot more tired and emotional, you have to grit your teeth more than ever to continue the journey. You make more effort to be holy to attain the same level of self control that would otherwise pervades your life. You give more of yourself to accomplish tasks that were once simle feats. But expect no privileged treatment. Who are you? You are just another creation. You are JUST ANOTHER CREATION, ANOTHER EXISTENCE THAT TAKES UP AIR AND SPACE.

AND NOW I FFEL ROTTEN. ROTTEN TO THE MAX. I'M SCREWED UP. iF THAT IS HOW EVERYONE WANTS ME TO PERCEIVE MYSELF THEN THAT BE IT.

I used to be favoured, loved and cherished. Now?

Okay...it is an angry and whiny message.

Baby, mummy is sorry. Id din mean to put you through so many negative, depressive and angry vibes. I'm sorry. In the name of Jesus, i ask for forgiveness, for my sins and emotions, for my words and deeds, for how i manage my life and i ask and plead of the Lord that you will not experience all these in the Spirit. Thank you for being in my life, for being in my womb, for being a part of you. I want it all to be pleasant for you. I want it all to be beautiful for you. I am sorry that i scarred your world within me. I really ask for healing in the name of Jesus that you will not be affected. Sorry baby. Mummy was overwhelmed by negative emotions. Sorry baby.

I should just flee from hurtful people and withdraw from them. I should just remove myself from their midst. Thank God for the closed ones in my life. The rest of you, fall back and just leave me alone. Who cares about you!!!!

Pissed...!

2010-09-23T10:02:00.002+08:00

I am super pissed....either it is because I am pregnant and super emotional or anything to do with and against En En affects the core of my being.

I have little tolerance even when it comes to the slightest jokes related to En En. I am super pissed when anyone jokes about En En and who needs friends anyway?

Who needs friends when everyone else is purely SICK and IDIOTIC!

New Season

2010-07-25T17:40:00.002+08:00

A new season has dawned on me.

A season of independence.

What happened to my health? Shuyi doesn't get sick easily in the past. Why is she always sick now? Because the my immune system is weakened so that the baby will not be rejected during my pregnancy? Or is there something more to it?

......

Of course tis the latter.

It's time I grow up and be responsible for my own health. My mum is no longer by my side serving me soups and fruits. Now I'm in a different household, a different culture with different living habits.

Finally, apart from anxiety and provocative spirit...

Yet challenged by a way of life that lacks discipline, management of health and wealth with little considerations for the future...left to follow the world into luxury and instant gratification in terms of spendings and other material enjoyments...

And my Lord is awakening me not into a season of pure intercession but of discipline and diligence,

discipline and diligence to hold true to what is balanced, content and sufficient way of life, to discern and initiate what is good for the spirit, soul, mind and body, for me and for my family...

Beginning with my eating habits, my work, my household cleanliness and tidiness, things that one would naturally neglect when work and pregnancy fatigue kicks in.

Yet there is wisdom in the balanced way of life, in choose the life that Daniel chose, in setting himself apart even in the King's courts, in choosing not to be a sloppy man tossed and carried around by the waves of the world.

My mum has shown me the way to choose health for the body. Now it is my turn to take on the baton and to continue it in my household.

Oh Lord, help me.

Let me choose what is good for You love 'goodness', not what is extravagant or popular or purely luxurious.

I surrender my daily habits into your hands and I once again acknowledge you as my Creator Lord and King, to put into perspective what is good, right and beneficial.

Let wisdom be upon your creation.

Danny

2009-09-13T23:24:00.000+08:00

I hate to admit this but he has become such an important part of my life....so endearing and such a big part of me.

Life is not the same with him away fro one pathetic week. I never thot i would become this dependent or interdependent on another person but he has ventured deep into my life and thread on life's journey with me...

We started out as great friends...not even a chance of becoming lovers and now, too dear to be away for even a moment.

By God's grace, we have moved from being church mates to zone mates, to friends then good friends....to courtship....resolving quarrels and petty differences in lifestyles and opinions to managing differences and improving communications...walking in God to experiencing God, sharing miracles and leadings to worshiping and intercession...now...towards...

MARRIAGE.

I think what we can behold next is spurring each other on into deeper intimacy and Lordship of our Lord Jesus Christ, to remind each other that Christ is our ultimate and only possession on this earth, to run heavenward together, to desire more together, to love and to build his kingdom together...

And we will...

beginning from our honeymoon in a church camp...service...of worship and intercession...

What ridiculous way to start a marriage...in the eyes of man....but what symbolism of a lifetime of service together for His kingdom...

How i love and cherish this man...

For who he is and what he is willing to become in Christ Jesus...

For that gentleness and those reassuring arms...for the kind words and secure love...

Thank you God.

IT has been beautiful. It will be more beautiful.

How i missed him.

May you keep him in You.

Loving you,
Ariel

heck

2009-02-27T19:11:00.002+08:00

Practicum has been really hard and stressful for me.

I think i just dun handle transitions well...

Anxiety and fear just cloud my mind as always...

Worse still, i can be immobilised by fear...

So much for conquest and victory...

So much for a lifetime of abundance...

I find myself drowning in the worries of this life and the tides of the world...

And encouragement, that i have not.

Not unless my Lord speaks...

A heart that can be encouraged by none other than my God.

A mind that can be convinced by none other than my Lord.

Yes, an insatiable desire that is not quenched...

A hunger and thirst that leads to the path of sin if it is not satisfied...

A thin line between good and evil to satisfy the ever growing vacuum within my heart

How ii struggles with my flesh these days and the sinful tendencies of my heart...

How i unleashed my emotions in the midst of the current storms...

How my heart fails to seek the King within the tiime constraint

How i have sacrificed my time with my King for daily chores that are burdensome

And today against all rules and breaking forth,

I give up.

I shall be a deviant.

In the face of dateline, i will not submit.

I just need rest.

Desperately regardless of whether i am putting my results at risk.

i only have one word in my head.

It was not even 'God' or 'Jesus'.

It is 'HECK'

That's all i have.

I dun care anymore.

I am sorry my witnesses.

I hope you dun have to pay for my failure.

I hope God will help me to pass.

I am not thriving.

I am striving and struggling.

That's all i am dealing with each day.

That's all the strength i have for each day.

Heck.

For today, let my name be shuyi.

And tomorrow i shall be Ariel yet again.

But as for now,

i am shuyi.

A Journey of Love!

2009-02-17T14:20:00.002+08:00

I love You I love You I love You!

My Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit...

Thank you for not giving up on me.

Thank you for loving me nonetheless...

Thank you for disciplining me

Thank you for using the love of others to love me

Thank you for teaching me what it means to love others

Thank you for teaching me to love another

Love - a beautiful theme in my life...

A blessing from my beautiful parents...

A lifespring from my Father...

A Joy that brings out the best from me...

Love, the only thing that kept me going...

God is love.

Thank you God :)

I love YOU...

Will you marry me?

Yes my Bridegroom King

My Lord & Saviour

My Lover & Friend

My everlasting companion

My Counselor and Leader

The Source of all things

The Creator of us all

The Alpha and Omega.

*I love you*

learning

2008-11-03T20:46:00.001+08:00

Yesterday, i was filled with joy and peace

Today, frustration took over

Tomorrow, what will i face?

In everything and in any circumstance,

Abide in Him and have Him abide in me.

That is everything.

I am still learning.

Breather...

2008-10-27T13:28:00.003+08:00

Thank goodness i managed to catch a breather yesterday.

Come to me all who are weary and i will give you rest.
Sometimes, it comes physically, at other times, tis emotional rest.

Here in NIE, i experience emotional rest most of the time.
As for mental and physical rest, the past two days has been the best in this half of the year.

Praise be to God, i am still alive.

Give thanks in all things because grace was extended in all things.

The hand of my Lord is never too short to carry me through the storms in life...

Above the billows, i will soar on eagle's wings because if my God is for me, who can be against me.

Therefore i will yet again praise the Lord.

For a restful weekend and the packed week ahead.

For i will see His mighty hands, i will feel His loving and comforting touch amidst the stress.

Comfort.

The Lord is my shepherd, i shall not be in want.

I SHALL NOT BE IN WANT.

Sin is hateful.

2008-10-26T21:36:00.002+08:00

Sin.

Like the stain that takes the glamour away from my favourite top.

Like a war that consumes the peace on this earth

Like a disgusting irky detestable leech that sucks the life out of man.

I hate sin.

At times i hate myself because sin has tainted me.

I hate sin to the point of hating the narcissitic me.

At the peak of my anger, i seemed to hate sin more than i love myself.

Or maybe i love myself so much that i cannot accept the sin within me.

I bet my Lord Jesus hates sin more.

But He loves me.

Therefore He died...

for the sins that i hate,

and He hates more...

Thank you Jesus.

I am sorry Jesus.

Sorry for the sins that i have nailed you with.

Sorry that i have taken your grace for granted.

Sorry for my sins.

I love you.

Thank you for loving me.

Love,
Ariel

A sick but restful day.

2008-10-21T17:22:00.002+08:00

A sick but restful day....what irony.

But Christian life is full of irony.

We are called to a life of suffering filled with the joy of the Lord.

We are called to be lost in the Lord for us to find ourselves in Him.

Living a life that is hungry for his Presence will lead us into the fullness of Christ.

To be cautious of reckless words.
To be wary of comfort.
To be aware of the unaware.

Speaking of that i do not know, hearing with the heart that which is inaudible, following the God man cannot fathom and answering the call that has to be searched out.

This faith journey left me perplexed time and again.
The wise knows not of what should not be revealed until it is time
The wise cannot predict what is to come

Until the Lord intervenes
Until the Lord reveals

Until the Lord comes

Only then can we find answers to life that we do not understand about.

Until then, will i receive the harvest of this ironic life.

Until then, can i rest in His long suffering arms.

lapses in time

2008-10-14T15:56:00.003+08:00

I don't remember the last time i blogged and i dun reckon anyone will read this.

Recently, more and more i felt that the season for Christians to rise up has come. More and more i find myself waiting for my nation and my church to rise up. Arise my brothers and sisters in Christ, for the Lord is awakening us to His call, into a deeper intimacy with Him and into a lifestyle of holiness. Let us go forth as fellow christians learning to bear one another's burdens and to keep one another accountable, only then can we find ourselves able to take up the call of the Lord.

Prayer is so lacking, let prayers arise....let the voices of the Christians come before the throne of the Most High God, let Him fill the hungry and let Him satisfy the thirsty. Take a look at the world around you, at the laughter and the smiles reflected on the face of man- which of them live to glorify God? Let it be known that only the ones who glorifies the Father with their lives of worship will find themselves in true joy because their spirit man is satisfied and filled by the Lord.

Holy Spirit, fill thy children and help us to live a life worthy of your calling, to be so desperate for you....raise up a generation of radical christians who love You and Your word, who listens to Your voice because Your sheeps recognise Your voices. Let us find You in our daily life and let us seek You with each seconds that passes...

Let this life be a fragrant offering unto You.

Let obedience be rendered to You, not just sacrifice for You desire the former more than the latter.

Let praise arise from this land.

Love, Intimacy and Faithfulness

2008-03-05T08:32:00.002+08:00

If there is anything i am called to, it is love, intimacy and faithfulness. In any and every relationship, these three components are vital. All the more in marriage.

Christ and His Church. Our Bridegroom and Us.
A relationship that has to be guarded to the point of death.

So let me die than to leave Your side.
We would rather die than to be alive but dead.

I used to dread the emotional me until i realised the Lord not just appreciates the minds but the hearts of man too. And i learnt that prayers that ascend from the very heart of man is heard by God. Love, Intimacy and Faithfulness begin with the heart, the vessel for the wellspring of life.

And i am so longing for this heart to be filled with the abundance of life. Today my heart craves for its Owner and Creator; today my heart hungers for my King. Simply because that was how i was programmed to be from the beginning of time - programmed to be in communion with my Lord. My system is just being alerted and responding to the eternal call of humanity - to love and worship our Creator God.

All else aside, when everything is stripped away and what are left is just the King and I, i believe it will be the love and intimacy with the Lord that sets me on the path of faithfulness for all eternity.

And that, that in itself, would be a glory, honour and privilege that far surpasses the imagination of man.

Jesus is my Great Intercessor

2008-03-04T09:31:00.001+08:00

Just moments ago, i was near to tears with my last entry.

But now i have a new revelations.

A Christian teacher taught me a new thing:

Jesus is Our Great Intercessor.
He is interceding for me.

What have i to fear since God hears Him?

Praise God!

COMMITTMENT

2008-03-04T08:01:00.004+08:00

Recently, the Lord has been highlighting something in my life.

At the core of it all, it is about how much i love the Lord and how much i love to walk in His ways.

COMMITTMENT.

It has been all about COMMITTMENT. The Lord seems to be beckoning me to the place of committment---a place that i feared for many years of my life.

The Shuyi that i know has never been bold and courageous except for the times when i am too caught up in wateva passion and moves ahead without thinking of the consequences. Margaret, Margaret knows how i fear every task that is assigned to me. I dunno when i seem to believe the lie that i can't handle anything properly and i can't see it through. I know it is a lie but i really believe it for many years in my life that High 'I' (Influential) people are not consistent workers.

Servanthood, Cruxification on the Cross with Jesus, living a life of Committment and Obedience, Learning to hold and stabilise a Ministry with Jesus...

All these seem so unmanageable. These have been on my mind.

God calls and i am responding but i fear the future i cannot see. I fear that i will shy away from responsibility like in the past. I've failed so many times, uncountable. Now i trust people, i trust those around me much more than i trust myself. I trust Danny, i trust Jane, I trust Dianne, I trust Weiqiang, I trust many many others...and the ironical fact is i dun trust myself. I have failed myself and others more than they have failed me. I find myself at the point where i am just wrestling and asking God HOW?

How to hold on to Your ministry? How can i be entrusted with Your work? Look at the friends around me, they are more trustworthy than me...but God, i am so privileged to be chosen and now i fear...

I greatly fear...to the point of diarrhoea, insomnia, nightmares....oh Lord...how can i handle your ministry?

You said, 'Perfect love drives out all fears'.

And i noe i have not love you perfectly, not to the point of death, not even to the point when i am willing to be committed to your work and your purposes...love.

And now the question that lingers is:

HOW MUCH DO I LOVE YOU LORD?
HOW FAR AM I WILLING TO TRUST YOU TO SEE US THROUGH?
WHERE IS MY FAITH, LOVE AND HOPE?

I need You to come through in my life now and forever...because i can't...

Growing and Learning to be a Teacher

2008-02-26T12:43:00.003+08:00

The Lord has been good to me these days...

Or rather the Lord has helped me to draw near to Him and to experience His Love so much these days...

Today is a blessed day, another day filled with the miracles of the Lord and the Lord's Grace and Mercy.

Thank Goodness...

These days i have been feeling a little stressed and uptight about school...and i think it will last all the way till the lesson observation on Thursday is over.

Like Weiwen, i wanted to see it as a pinch of salt but i guessed i dun have that amount of confidence in my teaching to not fret or flinch in the face of trial and test.

I am a scaredy cat...haha

But the Lord has been reminding me to be faithful. His Children of Light do not need to live in darkness, we do not need to keep things under wraps.

Transparency. I need to face this world with an upright transparency. Some may call it stupidity or inflexibility but i call it transparency.

I think i haven't learnt what it means to be strict to the students. Not yet. They always tell new teachers not to condemn the students and to be flexible sometimes....maybe for contract teachers like myself, it would be more helpful had they told me to be stricter and to take up the authority that comes with the title of a Teacher.

There is so much to learn on this journey.
Much fear to overcome and much that transpires daily for me to reflect on.

Growth is such a slow process, the impatient me struggles day by day...

Oh Lord, Help me God...

I need to survive this week...and STRIVE and THRIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thoughts...about my Great God

2008-02-12T11:46:00.000+08:00

One of those days when i am done with the class and has finished planning for my week's lesson.

Tis been some time since i last blogged. Much has happened since then and much to rejoiced for what the Lord has determined in His Sovereign plan to be executed on this earth.

The teeny Shuyi is still clinging for dear life and learning to pace herself on this eternal race.

I have much to learn and change....so much to be done during this sanctification process.

These days i learnt about humility and meekness, no, i've not master it and i reckon i never will...haha...God is teaching me so much about how small i need to be in His vast, unfathomable and established Kingdom. Minute, a speck of dust, yup tt's the adjectives i would use to teach my students about the size of man in the Eternal Kingdom. Microscopic or a trillion trillion times smaller...

The works of man are nothing but grace from the Lord to be able to collaborate with Him in His eternal plan. Independence from Him leads to such small accomplishments. I was just thinking about the logic of many people even Christians who exaggerate and worship the works of man, some who dun even believe in the supernatural (The concept of a God is supernatral anyway...) BUT...if we want to believe in what our eyes can see and what our senses tell us then probably that is all we are going to get. But if we choose to believe in the supernatural then God will work beyond the logics of man. But all these takes place without the knowledge and beyond the understanding of man.

I also dunno what i am talking about....i only noe that i am learning about God as the Master Strategist, the excellent chess player who is willing the chess game and we are the pawns of the game. Then again, it is not just that, He loves us, more than what we can ever imagine in our lives, more than our understanding of love and our rational reasoning and definition of love.

I dunno. I feel ridiculously small but exceedingly loved,
feels weird but feels right...

God, i want to prostrate at your feet, at the feet of Jesus i want to surrender all that i am and...

Just worship You and give You praise :)

God is unfathomable :)

2008-01-28T22:36:00.000+08:00

My God is unfathomable. His ways are higher than mine and His thoughts are beyond my wildest imagination. The foolishness of God is wiser than the wisdom of man, man plans but the Lord determines his steps.

Who? Who can foreknow? Only the one whom the Lord chooses to reveal His affairs to...and revelation and prophecy only comes in parts anyway.

The mind of God blows my mind apart. Just trying to understand a day, my very own day, leaves me speechless, in awe, in reverent fear, gasping desperately for understanding...

The Lord has never fail me nor not answer ANY of my prayers SINCE the day i stepped into a classroom, from St Stephen to East Spring. Each time i felt that i couldn't manage, the Lord would grant me an easier class or allow me to have a shorter day.

And today i have more to testify about His faithfulness and grace in answering my prayers.

I dunno y but i think God was the one who was leading to pray what i prayed this morning. I was apprehensive about the new week and Monday always leaves me feeling jittery and unsettled about many things, doesn't help when i am not prepared for class because i have yet to speak to my in-charge about their expectations of my pull-out class.

I just wanted something nice so i prayed for a day of SURPRISES. And a day of SURPRISES He gave.

I had 3 periods with my P6 but they went for outing.
I had 2 periods with my P2 but there was a change in timetabling for the day and they had assembly during my periods.
I had 2 periods with my P4 but the teacher wanted to do diagnostic exercise with them and invited me to just sit in and observe, the other teacher is absent.
I had 1 relief period but guess what? The teacher returned from the field and wanted to take the class so she told me to have a break.

You noe, only God can arrange a timetable that was filled and emptied out. Not a single class. He saw my anxieties, fears and tears and He removed everything and i was SHOCKED. Not just surprised but shocked. i was FEARFUL.

And the lingering thought is:

WHO IS THIS GOD WHOM I AM PRAYING TO?

Fear gripped me. What if HE decided not to use me at the rate i am grumbling and complaining and mourning? What if? What if? What if?

Alas....

My God is an Awesome God, He rules over Heaven and Earth...

What can i say?

But...

God...the Name that the Israelites do not even dare to speak of...Y*W*H...

Blessed be Thy Holy Name!

Timetable fixed

2008-01-22T09:57:00.000+08:00

I got my timetable yesterday.

I think...

I miss relieving classes.

I think...

I really miss managing a class.

I miss marking.

I miss looking firm.

I miss....much more...

I've always wanted a fixed timetable. Now it seems like having a fixed timetable may not be such a good idea after all.

Hmmm...wat is God planning for me?

***i am feeling a little unfulfilled. Just a little.***

Shuyi really can't be left alone on her own to expend the burgeoning amount of energy built up within her...

Maybe i have ADHD.

ToDaY is a NEW DAY!!!

2008-01-21T07:56:00.000+08:00

Today is a brand new day, a gift from my Lord God.

I started the working week on a good note and a time of order and open communication....communion and fellowship...therefore my heart is so filled with joy now :)

This morning i woke up to an appointment with my Lord God and He reminded me of my Church and all the Christians in Singapore - To intercede for everyone to be able to forget what is behind us, successes and failures, to embrace the present with expectant heart knowing that the Lord God has NEW mercies every day and that the Lord is able to perform miracles and refresh our souls and the church with every approaching and passing moment.

I love to begin my day and week like this. I love to arrange my room and pack up the mess created throughout the week. There was once i heard a speaker say that a christian whose life is in order is one who does not exhibit sloth, who trains himself / herself up physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually - to be prepared for battle at all time, to be ready to meet Jesus daily and to receive Him with comfort instead of fear when He returns. I want to lead this kind of life.

I want to wake up to a nice morning chat with God. I want to exercise at least twice a week to keep fit. I want to learn to play the guitar to express my love and all my emotions for the day to the Lord. I want to read the Bible and chew on it tastefully daily.

I want...i want...i need...i need...

So much wants and needs...how greedy...but how fulfilling a life that would be...fully utilised and stretched....to give not just a hundred percent of myself but to be able to give a thousand percent of myself...as an offering.....to burn with passion for Jesus, to offer up offering without blemish...

I want to embrace today. I want to embrace all i am facing today and i want to supercede expectations and be innovative when i plan my lessons...i want English to be interesting. I want all that i do to be creative.

I want to bless with every opportunity present. I want...i want...

Oh may the Good Lord grant me Strength to bless His Name and those He loves, for TODAY.

One day at a time. To give my ALL daily.

***GRINZ!***

Give thanks to the Lord God Almighty

2008-01-18T08:12:00.000+08:00

3 different tents to set up in my life....

One for worship
One for Praise
One for Thanksgiving

Yup, Rejoice in the Lord Always!

"The Lord has already done great things for us"...

Yesterday i was so extremely demoralised...
Today, i'm not going to yank to a low spirit!

The strength and comfort from the Lord is enough to sustain me and to lift me up to a higher level than before. It is He who provides the people who loves and adores me...it is He who works in the lives of men to touch others' lives...because He who is in them is greater than those in the world...

He who is in me is greater than any discouragement and stupidity that tries to get me down!!!

UP UP UP!

A new day, on higher ground...because the Lord lives...

This journey in school serves to humble me and thrash my pride so that i can be moulded...so praise the Lord...!

New day, new dependance...

New day, another day to conquer victoriously.

The beginning of success....another high spirited day!!!

Jiayou Shuyi!
Jiayou Ariel!
Jiayou you daughter of the Most High God!

JIAYOU JIAYOU!

Praise the Lord :)

Secretly...

2008-01-17T08:47:00.001+08:00

It has been a long long long time since i last blogged. My laptop crashed on me.

Am currently in the school now with tons and tons of thoughts jumbled up within. I just sensed that there is so much on my heart but i dun have the slightest idea how to articulate my words.

Life in XXX has been....

first of all....HUMBLING.

The Shuyi who always thought that she has a way with children finds herself at the loss because she hasn't even adapted to the school culture.

WEll, everyone is very nice and it is not stressful, the students are friendly and most of them behave themselves but something seems to be missing.

Maybe i am talking about constancy here. Though it has been a few weeks since school started, i still haven't had my class, no formally announced mentor and no idea what subjects i am helping out in the classes i'll be assigned to.

I so longed to become a full fledged teacher instead of having to wait and pause here and there, awaiting timetabling and relieving different classes every day.

Maybe at the end of everything, i felt like i am shortchanging the students because i was not prepared each time i enter a class, without desk copies many a times, and it dun help when i am untrained.

Demoralised? more so paralysed. Paralysed because i am not thrown to live or die. Though stressful and unsure, i enjoyed taking a class for a week when the teacher is on reservice, i enjoy staying back to mark books and check corrections. I even enjoy being thrashed by students who does not respect me...at least i learn and i can see my progression in a constant setting.

Now, i can only sit back and wait for my relief periods. Now i can only hope that i can teach well though i am not well prepared. Now i can only learn as much.

But the one day i am in this school, i was to absorb all that i can...i want to grow, i want to thrive. I may be untrained but i want to thrive as an untrained teacher.

God, i need your help and blessings. I need the favor of the LOrd GOd Almighty. I need the protection of the Lord GOd Almighty.

I only have one wish- TO SHINE FOR YOU....TO SHINE FOR YOU.

That at the end of the day, this christian teacher has been a blessing and not burden. This christian teacher has been a salt and light to those around me.

BLess you JEsus.

MISTAKES and GROWTH

2007-11-27T15:09:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, i did a marathon when i watch this Korean Show starred by Rain for 7 hours straight. And i found this tremendous sense of guilt when i shut down the DVD player. I reflected over my actions and wondered what went wrong, how have i sinned against God? is it wrong to watch DVD for long hours during my holidays? Or is wrong to play so much?

Then it came to me.

Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial.
There is a time and season for everything.
There is a difference in indulgence and play.

and as i typed, i suddenly remembered that i am on a fast and i am a watchman.

King David would not have fallen into the Bathsheba temptation if he had gone for war with his troops. When did it all begin? To me, it begins when one chooses sloth or chooses to take a break in the season for war and conquest. It was the wrong season for rest. He allowed himself the window of time for leisure and his eyes caught sight of the wrong thing. The bible says our eyes is the lamp of the body. This pair of eyes must set itself on the right things and for me, i haven chosen to set it on the TV screen and allow my soul and my flesh to follow the show for 7 hours straight at the expense of my rest - which is crucial for me to be alert when i pray during my watch hours. I have chosen what is secondary, done the wrong things, indulgence to be more accurate, in this season of prayer, fasting prayer.

Some people think that others are great Christians because they have this and that gifts, because they see visions and dream dreams. At the end of the day, ain't all these purely the grace and the workings of the Lord? The past few months, i have seen and come into contact with so many highly gifted Christians with great passion and zeal, extraordinary life stories and testimonies but i have also seen how many chased after miracles and presence without the commitment to bless. At the end of the day, i learnt that there needs to be a very fine balance between being faithful to all the giftings of the Holy Spirit and living out the fruits of the Spirit. We can all be Samsons, with great strength and might

but so little, so little wisdom.

God, teach me and help be to be teachable,
to learn and to live,
to love and to bless,
to be faithful and obedient,
to be watchful and alert,
to be so in love and in tune with you that my life will not waste away again.
Help me such that the frequencies of me leaving you will shorten to minutes and seconds,
that at all times, i will seek Your countenance and Your Goodness,
and be so refined such that i will really be able to bear the testimony of

Christ and His Kingdom.

Ripples, Mighty Waves to Come

2007-11-22T16:49:00.000+08:00

Ripples

Now is a season when i am observing the ripples...i am not the one who is stirring the water but One who is far greater than me is bringing in the current.

Ripple works at the moment but huge waves will follow.

This i believe will take place in the church i watch out for.

Who am i but the firstfruits, maybe many have gone before me and i am not even the firstfruit...i do not know but one thing i noe, is my call to stay in this place, to go against the comfortable billows...

Ripples. Ripples are going to be set in place. No, i do not think it is comfortable but i welcome and say "Praise the Lord" to these.

Life. I want to see life! Life represented by an entire church in worship and intercession, by an entire church on our knees, by an entire church evangelising, by an entire church filled with the Holy Spirit, by an entire church having no fear but the Fear of the Lord.

I want to see a fearless generation of warriors for the Lord, those who will not compromise or retreat, fallen at times but nonetheless ready to continue the battle to conquer the land for the Lord, to redeem what belongs to the Lord, to light up ancient paths and revival fire, to call forth and to be so broken for His Kingdom and Righteousness to Reign on this earth, in our society, in our workplaces, schools and homes.

Ripples. You who come opposing my Lord Jesus, do not mock the ripples, for the army the Lord is raising up will charge forth and tear down your strongholds. We come not by our strength but by the power of the Most High who had you trashed and defeated when Jesus died on the cross and resurrected. We come in His resurrection victory and you weak and pathetic army, fallen and dark, we are not afraid of you.

LOVE Declaration

2007-11-02T14:41:00.000+08:00

Dear Ah Nor,

I had all the free time in the world today to type a love letter to you.

So how should I start?

My dearest, I want to let you know that I really appreciate your love for me. I cherish you and thank God that you are in my life. It has been a beautiful journey for me for the past three years. You have been a great companion and confidante. You have become so part of my life that I can no longer bear the thought of losing you though the Lord has always reminded me that you are not mine. You are His. Actually, the fact that you are His is a grace beyond measure. Many of my friends have partners too but they find themselves unequally yoked with their other halves. By God’s mercy, I found you, the rare, unrefined gem. God has intervened and allowed me to discover the vast potential in you to become a great man of God. And I am privileged to witness this sanctification process with you.

Are you shuddering from the mushy words? Well, once in a while, you do deserve to be praised and appreciated for who you are and what you have done...

I want to thank you for the many moments shared as a friend, confidante, companion, lover, boyfriend, brother, leader and supporter. Your presence in my life has been a blessing thus far and words can no longer suffice to describe my gratitude to God and you for our relationship (one that is brought together by fate, an end-time union, I believe).

I want to thank you for the many special moments when you warmed my heart and loved me. I remember the times when you pushed me around in the airport luggage trolley from terminal to terminal, when we held our forts on the double bed and behind the cupboard respectively during the socks fight, when you pick me up from the bus stop with an umbrella on a rainy day, when you prepared a treasure hunt for the kinder surprise eggs, when you chased after me yesterday on our anniversary day to stand by me when I am weary and drained out…etc.

From time to time you asked me why I love you. Well, I love you because you are who you are. Because my love for you was planned before the world came into creation, it was predestined to be stirred up for you. My heart wavered in the season of time for courtship and you came along during the Children’s Camp that year, 2003. But how could I then? We struggled with each other and wrestled individually with God for a long, long time (before and during courtship), until we found the answer that guarded our walk. We were the answered prayers in each other’s lives. Prayers made innocently long ago to a God who honors our heart’s desires and whose plans secure us and give us a good future, loaded with confirmations as we work towards a decision to share our life journey together.

You. You are the man whom God brought into my life to warm my heart. You are the laughter in times of sorrow, the comfort in times of pain, the voice in times of loss, the light illuminating the darkness, the strength in times of weariness, and the love in the place of void. No, I am not saying that you replace God, but you, you are a very special part of me, and you become more and more in my life over time. And you, you are used mightily by God to demonstrate and channel His love to me, to encourage me as I take on the demanding life challenges in this transient journey on earth.

To end off this love declaration =P, I just want to thank you. Thank you for choosing me even though it was the Lord who prompted you to love me. And I just want you to know how much I appreciated you, as a creation and a person, a companion and a friend, a Christian and a brother, a lover and a leader.

Thank you so much.
Thank you Ah Nor.

I love you.

Love in Christ
Ariel

A Day of Rest

2007-11-01T16:11:00.000+08:00

God, today is supposed to be a day of rest when you reorganised me once again...i need you to speak to me once again....

I noe you are dooing great things in my life and you are meeting me daily...

But Father there is a dissatisfaction in my heart like there is something more and i am not reachng and i dunno how to hit the jackpot...

My heart and my strength fails...my ears are not sensitive enough... i need a breakthrough from the Lord....i need a session of thrashing....i need HUMILITY....

God, i need humility....

I need to be broken before you....

I need to give you the GLORY....

I need to be there....

THERE LORD!!!!!!!!!!!

At that place where i noe i am birthing forth....

It is not their journey....

It is my Journey....

MINE.

I need faith to begin and humility to tide through.

And only you can transform me into that.

That and there....the place where only you and i noe when i have reached.

BLOWN AWAY....BURST FORTH....BIRTH OUT.........

A groaning.........a period of childbirth.....i am giving birth.......delivery.....

I need you to help me break forth....

YEs LORD....i need a breakthrough in SINGAPORE....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BURST FORTH!

My Radical Ministry

2007-10-31T10:06:00.000+08:00

I realised that every pair of flag that i own relates a story of God's Grace in my life and His Blessings when He calls me into ministry.

Currently, i have 4 pairs of flags, 2 individual flags, A Jerusalem Flag and a tamborine...many which speaks of divine encounters and God's handprints over the lives of man.

My first pair of dancing flags is a gift from Israel, a confirmation of my call to dance to worship God. It carries with it the story of me learning to listen to the audible voice of God and following His instructions, visions given and prayers answered - The flags i used to dance before the nations, my first dance, first instructions and disciplines on dancing and first entry into the throneroom.

My second pair of flags speaks of God's Mercy and Love. I knew i cannot lend my flag to another but i did, because he is so dear to me and i thot the Lord won't mind...but the flag tore after the worship session. I knew i had to get it back but by the time i heeded the call, it was too late. A hard lesson that ended with a pleasant surprise! I knew i had to get a replacement though i din noe how...eventually the flag maker decided to replace it for free for me and when it came, i realised it was bigger and of better material....Praise GOd!

My third pair of flags was impressed upon my heart for some time before i ordered it. It was only when i collected my flags when i realised that this very pair was the last they are going to offer at the current price. After this very last flag, the prices of this particular pair will go up. Praise God coz had i waited for the flags and not requested for them, i would have to pay more.

My fourth pair of flags felt kinda extra for me initially coz they are basic twirling flags for my dance class. I spent hours sitting in the room without being able to settle on a flag because nothing caught my eye and heart. I was ready to settle for a second best and to buy it for the class and chuck it aside thereafter. The whole week i knew i needed to get a pair of flags on Miracles (New Wine) but i told God i din have the money or the desire to keep a prophetic twirling flags. But yesterday i chanced upon another series that left my heart pounding and suits the dance course criteria. Praise God! I could have settled for the second best...but He came through and helped me to get what my heart and spirit desires.

My tamborine was a gift from Hansel. A gift given to him to be brought to Israel till the Lord wakens me to dance before it was handed over to me. Praise God!

My Jerusalem Flag carries a story of me blessing jews in Jerusalem, the first encounter i have to pray over a Jew, over someone who loves Singapore and wishes he will be able to travel here someday...a day of God's divine guidance. A day when i realised the other meaning to my name beside the Lioness of God, Ariel also means Jerusalem. Yup, that's y it is a Jerusalem Flag... :)

All my bags for my dancing flags are also free, all given free of charge, answered prayers. What can i say but God, You are so good to me!

***The only 2 single large flags, i knew the Lord guided me to get them for a purpose though i dunno y as yet but i believe in time i will understand y i have to get them and for what purposes did they end up with me.

All in all, i just feel so blessed and thankful...He who calls me to a ministry will bless and guide me, He will provideth and as for me, i just need to follow obediently, boldly and radically.

SURVIVAL!!!

2007-10-30T07:06:00.000+08:00

This is the day that the Lord has made,
I will rejoice and be glad in it.

Father, this day is a present from you...teach me to live it out with you.
Clothe me with my Lord Jesus and help me to survive the kids today.

I got my timetable for today and tomorrow...I need to survive it!

After this week, 2 more weeks and i will be able to say bye bye to kids!!!

HAhahahaha!!!! Ok, this is what they call endurance!

LET ME GO TERRORISE THE KIDS SOMEMORE!!!

Relief teaching in School NOW

2007-10-29T10:06:00.000+08:00

Having my free period and rest time.

HAD AN ANGELIC CLASS TODAY!

Thank God :)

The weeks that went by haven't been easy at all.

I'm am learning step by step to take up new things that the Lord has planned for me in life...

It is not a bed of roses but challenges and changes that breaks me out of my comfort zone and routine...

I have been grumbling or fretting quite abit...my dearie suffered because he had to listen to my complaints all the time...better learn to live by the Word of God and do everything without complaining and arguing.

Recently i sensed the need and call to move beyond praying 2 hours daily...deep within my Spirit is a voice that nudges me to slot my prayer time at 4-6am and that's what i did...upset my routine and sapped my eneergy for the rest of the day. Prayer time and meeting with God has always been the only source of strength and peace for me until this came along the way. This season has been tough because i seemed to have less quality time coz i haven adjusted to the early morning lifestyle.

In addition, 12 of us are on a fast to see our church through this period of time, asking the Lord to humble and break us down and to seek His face and honor and love His Word...not the best thing to do when the personal self is also struggling with life directions.

Birthing and dreaming 2 ministries with the Lord God has been amazing though this area of service hasn't been actively competing with the other areas of my life for attention.

Adapting to normal school hours and relief teaching in a boys' school is another area that i haven been able to deal with victoriously. Maybe i will have more fun when i get to do more rapport building when i start contract teaching. Meanwhile, i will be the relief teacher who pulls a straight face before students who are constantly trying to test limits. Praise God for the angelic class today though...one of those days when you appreciate being in a school as a relief teacher.

In addition to all these, the Lord has been teaching me what it means to minister to indivduals and to walk their life journeys with them. Not exactly the one i like doing BUT after all the tiring sessions, i actually saw the fruits in their lives and the miracles and transformation that i nv expect out of a sharing or talk....God is good....i grumbled like an old woman about every meeting but when they told me about the changes in their lives, i was dumbfounded each time...ok loh... i will learn to embrace godly interruptions that bless myself and others though tis ultra time consuming

long long ago...long long ago....

2007-10-23T20:17:00.000+08:00

Tis been so long since i last blogged or visited anybody's blog other than those i subscribed to...

I wonder if anyone still visits this blog...

Seemed to have lost the blogging mood...

Or maybe too much happened each day, i dunno wat to and wat to include anymore...

This is a weird season....

Sometimes i feel like i am out of the natural world...

Believing in what my eyes cannot see and what my ears cannot hear...

Learning when to share, when not to share...

Learning how each and every revelation builds up or avails to nothing when translated to another...

My mind is not clear..no longer clear for a long long time because there are so many things i find myself doing without a rational mind...

Oh well....

This season calls for radical transformation and many a times, the actions called forth are as radical and original to the point of absurdity in the eyes of man....

But i'm glad i am part of the movement....the movement started by the One i Respect, Honor and Glory in...

Yesterday i received Jeremiah 20:7-9.

BINGO! Hit the nail on the head....tat was exactly what is required for one who is called for radical transformation and i am so glad....to glad....so this is the difference between the so-called joy and happiness....i have both but much more joy in my daily life especially when struggles are many....

Okie...enough of verbal diarrhea...till the next time i come online...tada bloggy!

Teach me the fear of the Lord, grant me the beginning of Wisdom

2007-06-25T23:09:00.000+08:00

Psalm 90

God's Eternity and Man's Transitoriness.

A Prayer of Moses, the man of God.

1Lord, You have been our dwelling place in all generations.

2Before the mountains were born
Or You gave birth to the earth and the world,
Even from everlasting to everlasting, You are God.

3You turn man back into dust
And say, "Return, O children of men."

4For a thousand years in Your sight
Are like yesterday when it passes by,
Or as a watch in the night.

5You have swept them away like a flood, they fall asleep;
In the morning they are like grass which sprouts anew.

6In the morning it flourishes and sprouts anew;
Toward evening it fades and withers away.

7For we have been consumed by Your anger
And by Your wrath we have been dismayed.

8You have placed our iniquities before You,
Our secret sins in the light of Your presence.

9For all our days have declined in Your fury;
We have finished our years like a sigh.

10As for the days of our life, they contain seventy years,
Or if due to strength, eighty years,
Yet their pride is but labor and sorrow;
For soon it is gone and we fly away.

11Who understands the power of Your anger
And Your fury, according to the fear that is due You?

12So teach us to number our days,
That we may present to You a heart of wisdom.

13Do return, O LORD; how long will it be?
And be sorry for Your servants.

14O satisfy us in the morning with Your lovingkindness,
That we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.

15Make us glad according to the days You have afflicted us,
And the years we have seen evil.

16Let Your work appear to Your servants
And Your majesty to their children.

17Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us;
And confirm for us the work of our hands;
Yes, confirm the work of our hands.

overwhelmed...wat ugliness...

2007-06-20T01:34:00.000+08:00

Another night when i am overwhelmed by revelations of myself...

It happened on Saturday night and it happened again tonight...

Attacked.....again and again.

This time not by lies and accusations from the evil one but a realisation of the attraction i have toward the world that my Lord Jesus told me to hate.

When i was confronted once again by the vows i pledged at Baptism and renewed at Confirmation.

"I renounce the devil and all his works, the pomps and vanity of this wicked world, and all the sinful lusts of the flesh, so that i will not follow not be led by them."

With greater purchasing power as i grew up, my eyes became more and more captivated by the world and all its material goods...

Especially during my Uni years...made a meaningless fetish of beauty and style...i measured beauty with popular brands and ever changing fashion...chasing after the wind...haha...what foolishness...and the best part of it...i din even noe i was changing to embrace more and more of the world...with my preoccupation over these trends...

i lost myself. Not in fashion and style but in the world...vanities of the world...i din exactly embrace consumerism or purchase high end products all the time, in fact i dun...but i am heading in that direction...more and more...

And today, i want to renounce all that yet again in the name of my Lord Jesus...

I belong to Christ and it is either mammoth or God.

I choose God.

I belong to Christ and it is either gratification of the flesh or God.

I choose God.

I belong to Christ and it is either the devil's schemes or lies to build the foundation of my life on or God's word.

I choose God's word.

Father, i am sorry...the devil comes like a thief only to steal, kill and destroy...you are the good shepherd....i am sorry i chose the ways of the world but today, i ask of you to come and renew me once again.

Thank you for the revelation. I want to be pruned so that i can bear more and more fruits.

I want You in my life.

I NEED you in my life.

What if my heart grows cold?

2007-06-19T14:59:00.000+08:00

What if i stop hungering?

What if i cease to thirst?

What if i become hard on hearing?

What if my heart hardens?

Then let my Lord save me yet again...

You will put the earnest desire within me...
you will make me hunger...
you will make me thirst...
you will speak louder and clearer to a dumber heart and mind
and you will soften my heart...

Promise me one thing:

Never let me live a day with a cold heart...
never let me live a day without you...

This is my prayer to You...

"Ask and ye shall receive,
Seek and ye shall find,
Knock and the door shall be opened unto you."

This is Your promise to me.
I claim it in the name of my Lord Jesus.

Do not leave your child.
How can i live without you.

Hear my want:

I want to be broken and desperately in need of you...

I want to be poured out for you...

I want to be totally fully captivated and overwhelmed by Your presence...

I want to just NEED You in every circumstance and at any time...

I want to be a madly in love with you.

Grant it to me......

GRANT THEM TO ME....

A HEART FOR YOU.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I claim and pray all these in the NAME OF MY PROVIDER, JESUS.

Freedom and Victory In Christ

2007-06-17T00:52:00.000+08:00

God is good...

His love endures forever...

In Him...covered by His blood...His blood covers a multitude of sins...a heavy price for my sins yesterday, today and tomorrow...

Today, I stand redeemed and righteous...rejecting the fiery darts of the evil one because of the price that the Precious Lamb of God has paid...

Thank you Jesus...it is because of you that i am given a second chance, a third chance, a fourth chance and much more...not to be abused but Lord, i thank you because you knew the sanctification process and the mistakes i will make along the way and you paid the price once and for all....

i want to therefore soar on wings like eagles because i am meant to live a victorious life...free and joyful, emancipated and glorified...

therefore i will look ahead in this race and not back at my past sins, straining towards the goal ahead of me...trusting in Your renewal daily and Your transformation....in all that You can do in me...

Because of all my transgressions, therefore i need you...not because of who i am or what i can do....

but because of You and what you've done for me....

therefore i rejoice yet again, i am renewed, i am soaring with You once again...

a victorious Christian life!

Praise the Lord! =)

The only assurance I can have is God's Love for ME...

Private and Confidential? Nakedness i prefer...

2007-06-16T01:45:00.001+08:00

Today i was reminded of a comforting fact that i learned some time ago...

that is...

Man has no privacy before God...

there is no way one can hide anything from the Lord...

Nothing that is done in the dark that is not exposed by the Light...

Darkness flee before Light...

My God is always watching my every move and because of His scrutiny, i learn about humility...

The best part of the day is when we kneel before God in complete nakedness, when man is left without any defenses, when we come to the realisation that nothing escapes the eye of the Lord...

When man welcomes the idea that God is interested in every single thought, word and deed that takes place in our daily life....when He is just so involved and when He is not just a spectator...

But an active participant in this journey on earth...

Oh when He is actively managing our lives...

what lies we entertain when we tell ourselves that God is not present...

that He cares not...what foolish utterances when we complain of a lonely life...

What trap the evil one has set for us...

Total open-ness with God...not in denial like how Adam thot the Lord din noe where He was hiding...not in denial when Cain asked if he was his brother's keeper...

total openness with GOd...knowing that God is not out to harm but for good...appreciating His presence, recognising and embracing it...

Today, i am once again thankful because darkness flee before light...and because God is ever present...my life is lit up by Him and His Goodness...

Blessed Be the Name of the Lord God Almighty!

Loving you... Father, Son and Holy Spirit....

mapping my life

2007-06-07T01:03:00.000+08:00

Worksheet by Pastor Benny Ho

1. Look within me...what do i want at this point in time?

What source of activities give you the greatest satisfaction? i want to be touching and changing lives, interacting with youths

What is your innermost desire? What would you like to achieve? i want to obey God's call in my life.
i want to disciple, evangelise and leave Christ's footprints in others' lives

What would cause you to weep if you leave it undone before you die? i dunno...i only noe if i did not fulfill God's call in my life...i am not ready to face Him...

2. Look behind you...What has taken place?

What have i done so far? Simei Care Centre working with youths with schizophrenia, Andrew and Grace Home with juvenile delinquents, Faithacts with youths, All Saints' with church youths and AHS students

What are the experiences that God has allowed me to go through? Student Camp yearly, GB officer, mission trips

What are some of my past training? Degree in Social Work

What have i learnt so far? How to work around and interact with all sorts of youths, interesting presentation skills, group work, case counseling, workshop preparation, conflict management, rapport building, meaningful community work and linking and building community resources

What are some of my strengths and weaknesses? Too lazy to list them down

3. Look around you...What has been happening?

What is my current situation? I have graduated and am jobless. I am going to Israel in September for 18 days from 10th to 28th...

What am i ready to commit to? A job that will not eat into my daily prayer and intercession time

4. Look Beside You...What are your resources?

What resources have God put into your hands? My social work degree certificate, my family plus Danny

What support do you have to achieve your vision? i dunno my vision

5. Look Above you...What has God given to you?

What are your unique God-given gifts, abilities and skills? In my journal

What are some of my talents and gifts? In my journal

What am i best at? People, systems or things? People

Am i a structured or unstructured person? semi, too much structure kills me, too little leaves too much room for sloth

6. Look Ahead of you...What is likely to happen?

Over the next 3 years, what is likely to happen?

Look in terms of:

personal life - marriage
industry - human-related industry
agency - nil
company - nil
economy - ???

WHERE AM I HEADING?

SOCIAL WORK, MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER OR TEACHING?
The last option is only opened up today...why? i do not know...really...came during worship at dedication service for Student Camp 2007...

Testimony

2007-06-04T11:07:00.000+08:00

The Lord has been faithful before, during and after the Cambodia intercession trip...

Prior to the trip,
i asked the Lord for a sign and He gave us a round, halo-like rainbow with the sun shining through to the ground...when the team was feet washing by the reservoir.

On Day 1,
while the plane was flying to Thailand, we saw the round rainbow again (from the plane). For half hour, the round rainbow followed us till we reached the borders of Thailand. That was God's assurance to us that He was with us...and it was a pleasant surprise! :)

We traveled from the borders of Thailand via taxi to Cambodia, past Poipet, to Siem Reap for the first half of our Cambodia intercession trip. We settled into a guesthouse and gathered for a time of sharing, prayer and worship to realign ourselves and our objectives and to seek God for a heart of unity in Spirit...Praise GOD, by the end of the day, we felt a sense of peace that God is with us and that we are one in Christ...

On Day 2,
God gave us Psalm 35 to encourage us to go forth in boldness. We rented bicycles and cycled into alleys, corners and stop at any place we felt led by the Spirit to pray for. At the end of the day, while we were praying at our last stop, we saw a rainbow and just felt the peace that comes from the Lord.
At night, as i was doing my quiet time, i read about Elisha throwing salt to heal waters, an act suggested by our trip team leader in the morning, so the team decided to go ahead ( and buy salt the next day) since we had a confirmation from the Lord.
Day 2 was the first day we interceded for the land and also the day when almost every team member had spiritual attack, either oppression, grip on the leg, palpitating or rude awakening in the dawn hours while we slept over in the guesthouse. For some of us, it was our first encounter with the evil one so we were a little flustered and scared.

On Day 3,
God used Ephesians 5, Isaiah 60, Corinthians 10:3-5, Psalm 91, Romans 15:5 and Matthew 6:9-13 to encourage us, 4 young daughters frightened from the night's episodes of attacks. We put on the armour of God and cycled to different parts of Siem Reap again, turning into corners and alleys that we felt led to.

(This part of testimony is cut and pasted from email to prayer supporters during the trip)

God placed in the concept of 'land mine' in Wenshan's heart through visions and scripture a week before the trip started. At day 1 she shared with us about it but was uncertain whether it is of men or of God. However, when we tried to find the land mine museum, 2 locals reiterated that the museum has moved to another province and is no loinger in the original location. Yet in God's divine guidance, while we were looking for a Christian Outreach Centre, we chanced upon a big signboard that says "landmine museum". God then sent another local to approach us and tell us that we could still attempt to visit the museum. He then volunteered to lead the way and thus we found our way there. We walked around the place and prayed and also bought some historical books on Cambodia's bloody history. We proceeded to our next destination to Angkor Wat and wondered if that was all that God has planned for us in the land mine musuem. God's ways are definitely higher than ours. Shuyi who bought 2 bks, felt the lack of peace when she left the museum. Later she shared that when she was buying the books, her hands trembled as she held on to the books, yet she knew that she had to buy them.

Before entering into Angkor Wat, Shuyi sensed that she cannot bring the 2 books back to Singapore and she has to do something about them. At the end of the Angkor Wat trip, one of the members was struggling with how she was very unnaturally irritated each time shuyi worshipped and it was voiced out. So while we cycled back, Shuyi processed about the irritation and recognised that it was unusual and that Satan might have used it to disrupt the unity of the team. As we continued the ride, Shuyi felt increasingly uneasy and sensed that there are spirits following us. The sky darkened and street lights were yet out. These added to all our discomfort and clearly put us in a disadvantaged position in our warfare against Satan.

Shuyi then stopped us and told the rest of the members about it. We must admit that fear filled our hearts when she shared. We then gathered by the side of the road to pray. We renounced our association with the books, confessed to God our sin and asked for God's protection and guidance. Whilst praying, there was a particular Cambodian youth who kept talking to us and kept disrupting our prayers. We needed to go elsewhere. Thank God too, at that point of time, we bought a lighter from him at USD1. We rode further up the road to pray and burn the books.

It was rather silly that we decided to burn the books by the road side We prayed and began to worship whilst trying to start the fire and tearing our the books. Amazingly, it was only when we began to sing 'it only takes a spark' did the spark turn into flames though it was extinguished soon...Prior to that, we had umpteen times of failure in trying to start the fire. Somehow, the fire was very weak until a curious Cambodian came over and squat down beside us. The moment he helped us, the fire blaze and the word is BLAZE! and it was such a great joy because we witnessed how the Lord used the hands of the Cambodian to burn up the stories that speak of sorrows in the land. But we also saw how the Lord send him into the picture to partake in this prophetic act. Anyway we were praying, renouncing, binding and asking the Lord to witness this act that His children were doing as we were burning up the stuff. At the end the Cambodian stayed with us till everything is burnt up and even joined in our prayers to bless Cambodia. Our return back for the dinner was also an answered prayer when the Cambodian used his bike light to light up the way and lead us back to our usual dinner place because Ronghui prayed for someone to light up the way and He did!

At the end of the day, after resting and reflecting, we came together to testify of God's divine interventions and guidance and the moment our dear wenshan said 'glorious', there was a flicker and the entire Guesthouse went into a blackout for more than an hour. Praise God! Because the enemy is anxious to fight back...hahaha but it only strengthened us and caused us to pray so loud that the guesthouse owners also hear us praying very loudly.

Shuyi saw a vision of four lights the moment the light went out and was certain that even in darkness, light was in the land because we were in the land and we carried the light of Christ. Ronghui also sensed a strong presence around her and so we prayed and worshipped and eventually felt triumphant and victorious. Praise the Lord because we were made stronger through the attack.

Then after an hour plus, let there be light!

On Day 4,
God also impressed upon me through 2 King 4-5 (and on Day 5 through Isaiah 30) regarding the significance of the number 7, that after 7 something (we dunno wat) the land will be completely healed. Then we realised through a conversation with local that 7 refers to the number of days we will be interceding for Cambodia, coincidentally or rather divinely planned to be 7 days in our original plan excluding the first day of traveling. So we believe that just as God has showed us through scripture, His work through us will be completed in 7 days, and the land will be healed.

At our last prayer stop, Wenshan saw lightning in the sky when we prayed over a river and the frequent and extensive lightning continued for more than a hour as we journeyed back to our guesthouse area for dinner. There was no rain in the end, by the time we finished our dinner, the sky cleared and we saw plenty of beautiful stars. On the same day, i received messages from Singapore that reminded us that the battle belongs to the Lord. And we just knew within our hearts that the Lord is showing us that His army is fighting the battle against the evil one in Cambodia.

On Day 5,
(Taken from except of prayer letter)

Wenshan shared with us how God showed her in Exodus 13:21,22 that God is with us and guiding us by the pillar of fire. As we journeyed from Siem Reap to Phonm Penh, God showed her 5 candles along the way, be it on posters on the road or on the buildings and she knew in her heart that that was an confirmation from God that He is with us, "the pillar of fire to give them light".

Then after she shared with us, Shuyi shared that during the same journey, she was reading 2 Kings 6:17. She then asked God to open her eyes so that she can see that God is with us. Though she had great faith that God will answer her prayer, she didnt manage to see anythg thruout the journey. It's only when Wenshan shared, then we realised, in the 2 Kings 6:17, Elijah prayed for the servant's eyes to be opened, and indeed God opened Wenshan's eyes to see!
God had been giving us scripture to pray... like Rhema everyday at different sites. When we reached Phnom Pehn, we went to a 4 faced idol overlooking the entire Tongle Sap river, God gave Shuyi 1 Sam 5 to pray. About cutting the dagon's head, everything to be done in 3 days and we realised that is the number of days we will be praying in Phnom Penh indeed.

On Day 6,
We split up at the S21 prison to pray, going out in pairs. We also prayed for the local pastors there. At night, while we were returning to the guesthouse, we saw 2 flashes of lightning and at that moment, we received a message from Singapore that wrote, 'Luke 10:1-27'. It spoke of how Jesus sent out the 72, and pair by pair they went out...just like us! And the passage also spoke of how Satan fell like lightning from the sky and we praised God for His goodness and His daily dramatic assurance of his presence and peace with what we have prayed, bound and done in the land.

On Day 7,
We went to pray at the killing field. The Lord gave us Isaiah 47 to pray at the killing, apt as the sword of the Spirit. I dunno wat overcame me but with such fierce courage and boldness, i begged the Lord for the highest commanding spirit in the killing field to be cast down into the fiery depths of sulfur and burning fire. And as i sought the Lord for His assurance, He turned my vision to the sky and i saw something white against the blue sky. It fell like a thin strip of cloud in the far distance and the line trailed off as it fell and the rest saw and confirmed it too. And we were so touched because our Father once again reminded us that He is with us and we were praying in His will. At the killing, a snake brushed past my feet and i remembered chasing after it hoping to trample on it because i was so angry with the serpent for the number of lives, blood lost in Cambodia during the Pol Pot regime. Charlotte also asked the Lord to clear the clouds in the sky for the sun to shine on the land and Our Faithful God was merciful and kind to hear our prayers too.

On Day 8,
We went to the National Museum and the Lord reminded us that a thousand years is like a day to Him when we were faced with the statues and idols excavated and kept over the years. We prayed in that place and eventually settled down in a field overlooking the Silver Pagoda, Tonle Sap River and National Museum. There we worshiped the Lord and asked of Him to seal the works done in the land and to heal the land as promised to us through His rhema word. Dark clouds formed up above us, surrounding us but we knew that the battle is not ours but the Lord's and though the retaliation from the evil one is strong, our Lord is stronger.

Day 9-13
We left Cambodia for Vietnam and upon reaching Vietnam, we unanimously confirmed the Lord's call for us individually to enter into a time of retreat and reflection with Him, not just on the happenings in the Cambodian intercession trip but also on the personal objectives and goals that we set for the trip. God is faithful because He met us individually on the trip too and we learned so much from this experiential learning trip. Young girls, 3 out of 4, from traditional churches learning to bind spirits, involved in spiritual attacks, doing prophetic acts, deliverances...etc. Our God is faithful and i believe that we are not only on a trip that some would say 'leaves us on the mountain top for the moment', but i believe that the Lord is transforming our lives and we are on a path of no returns because He who begins the good work in us will bring it all to completion. Blessed be the Name of the Lord Forever'

P.S. Many accounts are missed out and this is only a draft but too much has transpired that i dunno how to type it all down, so here's an overview of how the Lord has shown Himself to be FAITHFUL and GOOD....POWERFUL AND AWESOME!

More updates, now in Phnom Pehn

2007-05-19T21:47:00.001+08:00

Hey all,

just some further updates on the happenings in the land...

prayers will be very much needed... God has been giving us scripture to pray... like Rhema everyday at different sites. We reached Phnomn Penh yesterday and this place, the buddhism stronghold is even stronger... there's idol worship, mediums everywhere. When we came to a 4 faced idol overlooking the entire Tongle Sap river, God gave Shuyi 1 Sam 5 to pray. About cutting the dagon's head, everythg to be done in 3 days and we realised that is the number of days we will be praying in Phnom Penh indeed. So today we went there again to pray. The spiritual warfare is real and strong, shuyi cou;dnt sleep whole of last nite (bloody images bombarding her mind whever she closed her eyes) n satan tried to attack me thru planting lies in me last nite oso but we are standing strong and firm, not budging.

Another significant thing is that God also impressed upon us that 2 King 4-5, Isaiah 30, about the siginicance of the number 7, after 7 something the land will be completely healed. THen we realised e day b4 ytd dat 7 refers to the number of days we will be interceeding for Cambodia, which is really 7 days in our plan, so we believe that just as God showed us through scripture, our work will be completed in 7 days, and the land will be healed.

There are many other accounts of how the Holy Spirit spoke to us thru His word etc and used one another to confirm his leading. Mayb just share one more, last nite Wenshan shared with us that how God showed her in Exodus 13:21,22 that God is with us and guiding us by the pillar of fire. then as we journeyed from Siem Reap to Phonmn Penh, God showed her 5 candles along the way, be it on posters on the road or on the buildings and she knew in her heart that that was an confirmation from God that He is with us, "the pillar of fire to give them light".
Then after she shared with us, Shuyi shared that during the same journey, she was reading 2 Kings 6:17. She then asked God to open her eyes so that she can see that God is with us. Though she had great faith that God will answer her prayer, she didnt manage to see anythg thruout the journey. It's only when Wenshan shared, then we realised, in the 2 Kings 6:17, Elijah prayed for the servant's eyes to be opened, and indeed God opened Wenshan'
s eyes to see!

It's just so amazing.... THere are just so many scriptures that God gave us at different times when we interceeded for the land, each one so apt to where we are and what we are supposed to pray. It is really like the Sword of the Spirit in Eph 6:17, where God gave us his Rhema word as weapons tho we dono how to pray when we first began.
The battle is so real and strong so we have to continually put on the full armour of God and make every effort to maintain the unity of the body.

God knows that Phomn Penh is a more dangerous place than Siem Reap thus he gave us a pastor to bring us around these 3 days in Phomn Penh. He is a 30 year old Indonesian missionary, dr. Irene Ng's contact. Really thank God for him, if not we would have been charged exorbidant prices for transport here. (There is a blunder behind this, tell u more when we see u again, but God is good! =)

Yea, praise God for His continued guidance. We'll be going to a Khmer church service tml, den to the killing field etc... where there will be more intercession and battles to wage.
Please also pray for our family members and loved ones even as u remember us in prayer here.

Thank you very much, may God bless u abundantly!

cheers,
LOVE Cambodia 2007

Charlotte
Wenshan
Ronghui
Shuyi

updates on intercession

2007-05-19T21:22:00.001+08:00

Dear brothers & sisters in Christ,

thank you so much for praying for us for the past few days.
Indeed the Lord's hand is evidently with us and we witnessed the power of our identity as God's children and the power of being covered by the Blood.

We have been at Siem Reap (Cambodia) for the past 3 days. We cycled around, stopped and prayed at strategic places as the Spirit led, places includes Youth Centres, landmine museum, Siem Reap river, deserted villages. God also used the locals to lead us to specific places that we would have otherwise missed. The most striking example was that the Lord put in one of our member (Wenshan)'s heart through visions and scripture a week before the trip started. At day 1 she shared with us about it but was uncertain whether it is of men or of God.

When we tried to find the land mine museum, 2 locals reiterated that the museum has moved to another province and is no loinger in the original location. Yet in God's divine guidance, as we were looking for a Christian Outreach Centre, we chanced upon a big signboard that says "landmine museum". God then sent another local to approach us and tell us that we can still visit the museum. He then volunteered to lead the way and thus we found our way there.

We walked around the place and prayed. And we also bought some historical books on Cambodia's bloody history. We proceeded to our next destination to Angkor Wat and wondered if that was all to all the hassle in leading us to the land mine musuem.

God's ways are definitely higher than ours. Shuyi who bought 2 bks, felt very lack of peace as she left the museum. Later she then shared that when she was buying the books, her hands trembled as she held on to the books, yet she knew that she had to buy them.

Before entering into Angkor Wat, Shuyi sensed that she cannot bring the 2 books back to Singapore and she has to do something about them. At the end of the Angkor Wat trip, one of the members felt irritated towards another member and it was voiced out. As we cycled back,Shuyi processed about the irritation and recognised that it was unsual and Satan might have used it to disrupt the unity of the team. As we continued the ride, Shuyi felt increasingly uneasy and that there are spirits following us. The sky darkened and street lights were yet out. These added to all our discomfort and clearly put us in a disadvantaged position in our warfare against Satan.

Shuyi then stopped us and told the rest of the members about it. We must admit that fear filled our hearts when she shared. We then gathered by the side of the road to pray. We renounced our association with the books, confessed to God our sin and asked for God's protection and guidance. Whilst praying, there was a particular Cambodian youth who kept talking to us and kept disrupting our prayers. We need to go eleswhere. Thank God too, at that point of time, we bought a lighter from him at USD1. We rode to further up the road to pray and burn the books.

it was rather silly that we decided to burn the books by the road side whereby the ongoing vehicles just created so much wind. We prayed and began to worship whilst trying to start the fire and tearing our the books. Amazingly, when we began to sing 'it only takes a spark', the spark actually got the fire going! Prior to that, we had umpteen times of failure in trying to start the fire. Somehow, the fire was very weak until a curious cambodian came over and squat down beside us. The moment he helped us, the fire blaze and the word is BLAZE! and it was such a great joy because we witnessed how the Lord used the hands of the cambodian to burn up the stories that speak of sorrows in the land. But we also saw how the Lord send him into the picture to partake in this prophetic act. Anyway we were praying as we were burning up the stuff. and at the end the cambodian stayed with us till everything is burnt up and even joined in our prayers to bless cambodia. Our return back for the dinner was also an answered prayer when the cambodian used his bike light to light upo the way and lead us back to our usual dinner place because Ronghui prayed for someone to light up the way and He did!

At the end of the day, after resting and reflecting, we came together to testify of God's divine interventions and guidance and the moment our dear wenshan said 'glorious', there was a flicker and the guesthouse that we were staying in went into a blackout for more than an hour. Praise God! Because the enemy is anxious to fight back...hahaha but it only strengthened us and caused us to pray so loud that the guesthouse owners also hear us praying very loudly.

Shuyi saw a vision of four lights the moment the light went out and was certain that even in darkness, light was in the land because we are in the land and we carry the light of Christ. Ronghui also sensed a strong presence around her and so we prayed and worshipped and eventually felt triumphant and victorious so praise the Lord because we were made stronger through the attack.

Then after an hour plus, let there be light!

This is one of the more major events that took place over the three days. The Lord has interspersed many miraculous signs to affirm us of his presence. DAy in and out, his hand was with us and we are truly awed by His guidance in this trip.

Do pray alongside with us because the spiritual battle is really strong so we really appreciate and need your continued support. 'Thank you so much. May God bless you as you bless us!

Love in Christ,
LOVE Cambodia 2007

Ronghui
Wenshan
Charlotte
Shuyi

do pray with me please

2007-05-14T00:28:00.000+08:00

sorry my 'shift' key is not working so there will be no caps in this sharing and email..

anyway....

dear friends,

when you read this mail, i am probably already on my way to Cambodia, Vietnam and Thailand...on an intercession trip for 12 days from 14th to 25th may...

i believe this will be one of the few trips in my life that has a lasting impact and in this trip, the lord will unfold and show me great things and his plans for my life...

since last half of the year till the first half of this year, the lord has broken me down like never before. and i want to share it with you and testify for the lord as i journey with him...

miracles after miracles, the lord has shown his faithfulness...

it all happened when my brother XXX started to act up against the church and god's people, when he began to shoot down many whom i love and hurl painful remarks at ministries and people. yet the greatest hurt was not from him but from the church when we did not respond in love...it was then when i found myself withdrawing from this church community...too hurt and tired to continue as a cell leader in his life and in this church...

at the same time the school social work ministry was taking off...i saw inspiring Christian lives and i prayed to the lord that i will have the faith that some of my friends have, i will lead the lives that they lead...

it was when i entered into the new testament in my bible reading in a year when i read acts and saw how pple spoke in tongues. i flipped to corinthians and read the normal passage taught to us...no...tongues may not edify others in the church but tongues edify a man's spirit...and i told the lord, if that's the case, i will not speak in church, but watever opportunity there is to be edified, i want it...
two weeks later, i brought my brother to church visit at fcbc and pastor kong said that he felt led to reduce his sermon time and all he did that day was to baptise pple in the spirit and i too received tongues on that day..

i went to metamorphosis camp at the end of the year and in that camp, my life was transformed...or rather together with the event, i heard my call for ministry. i signed up for 'walking in the spirit' workshop but when the verification came, what i saw was 'prayer movement around the world'...so i just went for it...the other workshop that i signed up for was on spiritual warfare...

during the workshop, i cried like a mad woman...what's new? haha...but then again, it was really a boring talk but i was really touched and that night i told my group that i am going to be involved in intercession in all saints' though i have no idea how...yet the burden placed in me since jc days is now too strong to be buried within my heart. the next day, in the spiritual warfare talk, i realised that i was fearful of much and i was prepared to even start the ministry for the lord...

on the last day of the camp, i also gave my life wholly to the lord to be used full time but i understand full time can also be in the marketplace...

anyway the next day after i left the camp, chin han asked me to join mm and i told him, i will only after my intercession ministry is up and i thot it was ridiculous...but i said it

and a day after i got a msg from dianne telling me that it is time to rise up to do something about the intercession ministry and she just knew she had to approach me...praise god coz the timing was perfect....

we meet up 2 days later on wednesday and shared. on friday, we declared a 32 day lunch fast for the church. on sunday, at 4am in the morning i was awakened by the lord, i tried to con't sleeping but i can't. it was then when i heard the lord said, 2 hours every day...i bargained, i cried but i knew it was 2 hours 7 days a week daily before the lord....nothing but prayer...with no agenda but him and his agenda...and this i have been doing for 5 months already and i believe it will be a time when i meet god until he tells me to stop...

thereafter the lord has been faithful...for those who had the chance to hear me, i would have shared about the visions, the revelations, the learnings, the passages that the lord revealed to me...and most amazingly i was not to preach it....beautiful are the works of the lord when i hear pastors preaching the same things i heard from god on the pulpit on sundays and i noe full well that the reason why i was risen to intercede was because god wants to bless the church greatly and advance his works through this church...this is my conviction and i say it with pride that the lord loves all saints so much so much that i cannot even put it into words...he longs for us to be with him and to desire for him and thirst and hunger like never before...

however, together with these comes attacks and spiritual warfare...dear brothers and sisters, i need to be covered in prayer because i have been under attacks and i noe the lord is here with me but he wants to partner you in this work so do pray for me as i pray for our church, sometimes in the spiritual realm...and also because i had these encounters i am really worried about my intercession trips to vietnam, cambodia, thailand this time round and in september to israel...even when i noe that my lord has sent angels before me to prepare the way and given me extraordinary signs to confirm and confirm and confirm his will for me to go on this trip...

i hope to discover the lord's call for me in this trip
i hope to discover more about myself and to find more breakthroughs
i hope to meet god in this trip the way moses would meet god in the tent of meeting
i hope to be led by the spirit and walk in the spirit as illustrated in galatians...
i hope to bless the land through intercession and through my presence because over the months i learned that i carry the blessing of the lord

as much as you can, please do pray for all these and protection over me and my team members and those i love...

i cannot see the path ahead for us, 4 female graduates seeking the lord's will in foreign land, praying against things human eyes cannot see...in Ephesians 6, we learn that we are battling against things that human eyes cannot see...and especially in the area of intercession...i need the coverage in prayer and i believe that those whom the lord places a burden in will pray alongside with me...

if there is anyone who has no burden to pray, then let this be a mail that testifies the lord's ongoing transformation in my life...i am not ashamed of his works though i used to hate being labeled as goody two shoes or holy, or whatever....but this is the Christian call that i received and i just hope the long sharing will become an encouragement as stated in acts that the lord is truly not far from each one of us...in him we live and move and have our beings...that our boundaries and times are set so that we may draw near him...

finally, thank you for your patience. this is a quintessential shoeee mail....coz tis long winded and preachy...haha...i hope you din fall asleep...hope u din get a cultural shock with all these seemingly more charismatic movement kinda stuff...but i guess tis just the path the lord has set me on and tis really exciting for me..'shrugs'

actually, there is so much in other areas of my life including my love life that the lord has intervene in undeniably remarkable ways that i wished to share and testify but i leave that to the patient ones next time...as of now...thanks for partnering me in this intercession trip...

love you peepz,
shoeee!

p.s. attached is the itinerary for the trip

Day 1	14 May, Mon	4.15pm	Arrival @ Budget Terminal, Changi Airport
(13-16 May PH in Cambodia)		6.30am	Flight TR102
		8.00am	Arrival @ BBK airport
			Breakfast
		10.00am	Public bus to to Northern Bus Terminal a.k.a. Morchit Bus Terminal
			Bus to Aranyaprathet (BKK) Lunch
		4pm	At Aranyaprathet: take tuktuk/motorbike Overnight stay at Aranyaprathet??
		5pm	At Rongklua market
			At Poipet (CBD)
			From Poipet to Siem Reap: taxi
			Reach Siem Reap
			Check in Hotel
			Rest

Day 2	15 May, Tue		Temples of Angkor
(2 days)
Day 4	17 May,		Floating Village of Chong Kneas
			Flooded Forest of Kompong Phhluk (village on stilts)
Day 6	18 May, Fri	AM	Bus to PP @ 7am
			Kompong Thom
			Baray
		Evening	Check in Hotel either @ PP or K.Thom
Day 7	19 May, Sat		At PP
(3 days)			Lunch near TSM
			National Museum
			Royal Palace and Silver Pagoda (Wat Preah Koh Morokat)
			Wat Phnom
			Independence Monument
			Song Khem Handicrafts
			Toul Sleng Museum/Choeung Ek
Day 8	20 May, Sun		Church Service
			K. Cham
Day 9	21 May, Mon		Kratie (see rare dolphins)
			Sen Monorom (visit hill tribes)
Day 10	22 May, Tue	AM	Package to Chan Doc
			Arrival @ Chan Doc
			Mekong Delta Tour
	24 May, Thu	PM	Arrival @ Backpackers' District -- Pham Ngu Lao
			Saigon Central Mosque 66 Ð Dong Du
			Reunification Palace 106 Ð Nguyen Du
			Giam Lam Pagoda
			Cu Chi Tunnel
			Quan Am Pagoda
			Notre Dame Cathedral
			Binh Tay Market
Day 14	25 May, Fri	1030am	Reach SGN airport
		1250pm	Flight TR 329
		4pm	Reach Budget Terminal, Changi Airport

Sorry Abba Father...

2007-04-30T01:34:00.000+08:00

Sin crouches at my door...

my adversary prowls around like a roaring lion...

time to time...

i fell prey to it...

but the Lord is good...He brought me back to my feet

He reminded me that we are not called for impurity but for holiness...

to learn to live quietly and to mind my own business...

to guard my steps when i go to the house of God...

"do not be rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven and you are on earth".

i need to repent...to change...to guard my peace...

i need to have a life transformation...

i am comfortable with self, too comfortable for my own good...

i forgot to obey God.

I've sinned.

But yet again i will rise.

No guilt trick, i am covered by the Blood of the Lamb.

Thank you Jesus.

near

2007-04-29T20:27:00.000+08:00

Ecclesiastes 5:1
[ Stand in Awe of God ] Guard your steps when you go to the house of God. Go near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools, who do not know that they do wrong.

Psalm 84:3
Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may have her young— a place near your altar, O LORD Almighty, my King and my God.

Hebrews 10:22
let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.

James 4:8
Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.

Near...

i want to be so Near...so near...to You and Your Heart...

lingering...sweet comfort...presence of the Lord

2007-04-27T22:34:00.000+08:00

It was really different...life with God is so different...

many of us complain and ask why He demand this and that....so much attention to be placed on Him...praises for Him...

but they din realise that at the end of the day, when we draw near to God, we benefit the most...

i am very sick...throat inflammation, flu, headache etc...

normally i would cry for attention...i would want and hanker after love and emotional support, i would feel alone, i would feel that i need care and concern...

but this time round, things are different.

in my two hours with Him, i experienced comfort and overwhelming joy, like my God is right here with me and that love extended was beyond what man can offer...

it reached into the heart, it touched the innermost...

it was gentle, it was wholesome, it was just beyond human vocabulary...

it was amazing.

and because He lives, i can fear tomorrow, because He lives, all fears are gone.

fear of rejection? fear of loneliness? fears all countered by love...perfect love drives out fear...

i am not alone, Love a.k.a God, He who reigns on high, holds me in His arms and carry me through this last lap of my uni life....

what sweet comfort...

set an example even though you are young...

2007-04-26T15:37:00.000+08:00

Today,

i am encouraged.

i noe for sure that my love for your church is no less than any other.

do not let anyone belittle me because i am young,

i am called for great things in this place.

what was placed in my heart is not from me.

i have a place in this church because i am called by my Lord Almighty.

i am broken,
i am weak,
i am unworthy,
i have a bad history,
i am like grasshopper,
i am nothing.

But when i am used by the One greater than All,

i become whole,
i become strong,
i am given my worth,
the years eaten by the locusts will be returned many folds,
i am a giant with You,
i become everything You want me to be.

What is fear? let me move on courageously as your foot soldier now until you raise my ranks...what fear shall i have...

but the fear of the Lord who beckons my every step.

i love this song

2007-04-26T02:41:00.000+08:00

WE STAND HERE TOGETHER

AS A FAMILY

WE JOIN HANDS TOGETHER

LIFTING PRAISES TO THE FATHER ABOVE

FOR SENDING HIS SON

WE CHOSE HIM TOGETHER,

AS A FAMILY

TO SERVE HIM FOREVER

KNOWING NOTHING ELSE WILL MATTER IN TIME

WE'VE MADE UP OUR MIND

WE WILL SERVE THE LORD

We will serve Him

We will serve him for He is worthy (x2)

THROUGH THE HEAT OF THE DAY,

WE WILL JOIN IN THE FIGHT

TILL HE TAKES US AWAY,

TILL OUR FAITH BECOMES SIGHT

AS FOR ME AND MY HOUSE,

We will serve the lord

till our faith becomes sight...serve...let me into Your Heart, Father...

that i will serve in the center of Your Will.

i need Your comfort...

2007-04-24T21:50:00.000+08:00

i want badly to be in Your arms...and hearing your heartbeat...

i will to be in the center of Your will... i need to be...

Show me the way...Light up my life and path...

random blabbering

2007-04-23T11:35:00.000+08:00

What is logic?

It is man's understanding of wisdom...

That's y many things are beyond logic...

because God's wisdom is beyond man's understanding...

the foolishness of God is greater than the wisdom of man...

i want to live believing in things that requires more than logic...

i believe in the God of my faith...

hoping in things to come, believing in what i cannot see...

is it logical to want to broken....?

i want so badly to be broken daily before Him...

there where i am broken, i will be exalted...

there where there is shame from the world,

there where i will be glorified....

a radical faith....

an Original God.

i believe....

last lap

2007-04-22T20:51:00.000+08:00

i am officially cocooning...

undisturbed...

....i need to go at my own pace....

...the last exams of my uni life....

run the race well...

....the beginning and the end....

...all have to be well covered...

jiayou jiayou!

i will yet again praise you...

2007-04-20T13:32:00.000+08:00

John 21

21When Peter saw him, he asked, "Lord, what about him?"

22Jesus answered, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me."

What is that to me? What is all that to me? Always comparing, always grumbling, always complaining...

Job 40

1 The LORD said to Job:

2 "Will the one who contends with the Almighty correct him?
Let him who accuses God answer him!"

3 Then Job answered the LORD :

4 "I am unworthy—how can I reply to you?
I put my hand over my mouth.

5 I spoke once, but I have no answer—
twice, but I will say no more."

6 Then the LORD spoke to Job out of the storm:

7 "Brace yourself like a man;
I will question you,
and you shall answer me.

Who are you? Did I ask much from you? wasn't I the one who gave you strength? did I seek my own will in the garden of Gethsemane? haven i walk on this earth for you, carrying the burdens and the sorrows on earth? remember the cross?

I'm sorry Lord...

Blessed by Thy Holy Name!

loving at my loved ones

2007-04-19T15:31:00.000+08:00

just random pictures in my folders....these are my blockmates this sem
...stupId peopLe...and stupid me...haha

today, i said nothing but sorry and help!

2007-04-17T19:11:00.000+08:00

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
We are UTTERLY sorry. We NEED You...!

*
*
*
*
*
*
*

grace...grace....GRACE

2007-04-16T09:57:00.000+08:00

i got my results for a module called cybercrime...this test comprised 50% of my grades for this entire semester...

i remember telling my friends that i have never taken a test like this before....seriously i've never attempted what i did before and i was never so desperate....

it was a 50 questions mcq paper...for each question i had 0.25 probability of getting the answer correct.

out of the 50 questions i was only sure of the answer for 3 questions...as for the rest i just did what my heart told me to do, shade the answer i feel best about and most at peace with.

i never felt more exhausted in an mcq test but that day i truly was exhausted...not from working answers but from the immense cries of the heart.

i pRayed through the paPer...intensely. i was just screaming for Grace...i need it! there is no way i can pass the exams...no way...how?

and i was telling Him....if he can save me from the multitude of sins, if he can deliver me from the fires of hell, if he can grant me a mentor, if he can miraculous bring me social work...etc etc

i was recounting all the miracles that took place in my life, the signs, the grace, the gifts, the pleasant surprises....

and telling him i need all that in my paper coz i really really have nothing...nothing...i really really have nothing left...no more strength for the week, no more brain cells, i am near the end of my wits literally...

and He provided.

i got 33 for my cybercrime paper.

Not exactly fantastic but it is ridiculously amazing for me...0.25 probability, only 3 confirmed answers which might be wrong...33 correct answers...nothing but pRayers throughout the test...no brain juice only by and through the peace of God...not deserving...definitely not...

1 to 2 divine, surprising and amazing encounters each week....how can i finish testifying tis life of grace from a Father who loves me these much and is so intimately involved in this broken and undeserving life....

but Him i will testify...how is it possible? but all things are possible

Because He is ALIVE and HE CARES FOR US SOOOOOooooo MUCH....

like how he provided a blank check out of nowhere to pay for the deposit for my trip to Israel...when i was meant to leave the meeting....when i was allowed to say....when someone suddenly felt that she has to bring a blank check....an obedience on her part and grace by the Father... he provided just before i stepped out without being able to register...
Grace when the money that dearie set aside for France can be lent to me because the inter school trip is cancelled....how is all these possible? for dearie to suddenly see money coming into his pocket or available....this calls for one thing

HALLELUJAH....PRAISE THE LORD....!

truly from the bottom of my heart....

my two copper coins

2007-04-12T10:45:00.000+08:00

Luke 21

The Widow's Offering

1As he looked up, Jesus saw the rich putting their gifts into the temple treasury. 2He also saw a poor widow put in two very small copper coins. 3"I tell you the truth," he said, "this poor widow has put in more than all the others. 4All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on."

I may have much lesser time compared to the rest...
i may be very tired...
i may have lost my adrenaline...
i may not be in the best state of being...
i may not be in the best condition...

but i will yet again rise up and say,

'Father, take my broken life and contrite heart...'

this is my offering unto you...

my two copper coins...

the only thing left in me is my time and life...

and they are yours.

I love you.

lord, lord, lord....

2007-04-12T01:01:00.000+08:00

chicken wings...

for me and my friends...

a handphone accessory....

a short walk around the school....

a drive down from the East...

ya...it may mean one hour less for sleeping...

but i'm thankful...

because i am just so drained and tired...

calls for more love....

thank you Father....

it was apt...just when my tears fall because i am so tired....

you sent angels to bless me.

was it that i was going at a slower pace when i do essay?
i think it is actually coz i am no longer capable of working fast...
tonight i realised how worn out i am...
how drained and tired...

exhausted.

jiayou dearie

2007-04-10T10:54:00.000+08:00

You waited for me to grow up...
You tolerated my tantrums...

Now i wait for you...

Love never fails...

entry...

2007-04-10T02:31:00.000+08:00

Mark 15

37With a loud cry, Jesus breathed his last.
38The curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. 39And when the centurion, who stood there in front of Jesus, heard his cry and saw how he died, he said, "Surely this man was the Son of God!"

Hebrew 10

19Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus,
20by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body,
21and since we have a great priest over the house of God,
22let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. 23Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

Have we forgotten our status, identity, authority, heritage, that we can gain entry into fellowship and communion with the Lord Most High?

May my heart never forget...always feel and always know...

that i am 100% physical and spiritual being...

because of how He has created me...how He fashions our relationship...

let my spiritual man commune with God...

Thank you to the Great I Am

2007-04-07T14:56:00.000+08:00

Was supposed to be drafting out my essay by today but am feeling lethargic...

for a few days, i thot i was going to burn out...

but the Lord who is mighty to save has restored me and given me sufficient and overflowing grace...

At the thot of Him calling me to be part of the Joshua Generation,
His heart beckoning me to Israel...
His assurance and confirmation along the way...
the journey of Faith that He is setting me on...
the Peace that is so still...

I am sooo rejuvenated and refreshed..as a tree planted beside living water, as a house built on a rock..when i remember and recount the blessing of the Lord in my life...

i noe the source of my strength comes from the Lord for i have nothing left...no more strength...but the Lord's...

i did not study yesterday...i rested for fear that any more burden would cause bitterness to take root...would make me like the Israelites who walked through the desert and grumbled against the Lord...how i want to be like Moses instead...leading the rest into the presence and will and heart of the Father...to Him...to You Lord...

yesterday, i asked my love, Danny, to join me in my prayer time. I was not ready to intercede alongside with him, we prayed separately beside each other...

it was awkward, like a very deep and innermost part of me was bared before another human being...someone other than my Holy and Sovereign Lord...

Dearie shared that we are at different seasons in our lives...yup, i agree...not yet, not time yet...slowly but surely, the Lord will help us to walk and jog and run in pace for His Mighty Name in His Awesome Kingdom...

HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD

SING WITH ME

HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD

ALL WILL SEE HOW GREAT

HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD

Thank you...You noe my heart...

Thank you GOD...

Thank you...

I, Your Own, love You, My All...

not ready

2007-04-04T22:35:00.000+08:00

Joshua 5

The Fall of Jericho 13 Now when Joshua was near Jericho, he looked up and saw a man standing in front of him with a drawn sword in his hand. Joshua went up to him and asked, "Are you for us or for our enemies?" 14 "Neither," he replied, "but as commander of the army of the LORD I have now come." Then Joshua fell facedown to the ground in reverence, and asked him, "What message does my Lord have for his servant?" 15 The commander of the LORD's army replied, "Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy." And Joshua did so.

Joshua 6

20 When the trumpets sounded, the people shouted, and at the sound of the trumpet, when the people gave a loud shout, the wall collapsed; so every man charged straight in, and they took the city. 21 They devoted the city to the LORD and destroyed with the sword every living thing in it—men and women, young and old, cattle, sheep and donkeys.

Joshua 7

1 But the Israelites acted unfaithfully in regard to the devoted things ; Achan son of Carmi, the son of Zimri, the son of Zerah, of the tribe of Judah, took some of them. So the LORD's anger burned against Israel.

Who says the first victory guarantees all future inheritance...?

It is obedience....

And today...SIN showed itself croaching at the door...more so, it seemed to have infiltrated the ranks in the army...the Lord will not fight if the hidden sin is not uncovered...if that which should be devoted to the fire is retained...He will not be pleased....

You are ready! But we are not.................HELP!

cry out!

2007-03-30T00:51:00.000+08:00

Let's be DESPERATE for GOD!!!

Be MAD, ALL PassionATe About HIm!!!

Ooooohhhhh.....STEADy FLame,

Burn DEePer and BRigHTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Birthday surprise...

2007-03-29T12:39:00.000+08:00

Today is SY's birthday. Happy that everything turned out well. Weather was good. Surprise was successful. Food was great and i am glad we finished eating almost 99% of the food (NO WASTAGE!!). Pple enjoyed themselves. Pple prayed. SY cried and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and ate and laugh and smiled and laugh and teased and poured hershey chocolate on me and chased us and screamed and laugh. Happy Birthday My friend of wisdom, of ultimate faith, of "Moses who negoitiated with God", of " i HATE WORSHIP, boo sob sob", of "i can play guitar for cellgroup now albeit in key of C only.. haha", of "oh no the mp3 player died on me BUT GOD planned it to blessed me! hehehehehehahaha".... (i can go for days describing your unique personality)

At the end, lord we just want to be with you, holding hands and walking and talking and loving and feeling and touching and kissing and hugging every day in our life. Becos "one with Christ is the majority" (Mili, 2007), becos God works for the good of all who love him, becos you love us first, becos all my hope is in you............................................

Here i am, send me!! X 10

(Gerard, 2007)

How to describe my birthday? I think Gerard expresses it better than i do...and that's wat he wrote and i agreed totally...even his prayer at the end...

Thank you God for good friends...

One Wish Emcompasses All

2007-03-27T12:53:00.000+08:00

It's my birthday today.

And there is only one thing i desire to seek after...

Your Kingdom and Your Righteousness....

Oh Father...Oh Jesus...Oh Holy Spirit...

Rain down your blessing on this earth....

Fall on me and on those You called, is calling and will call.....

Come....come oh Lord.....Save us....wretched and broken people.....

come.................

Faith vs works

2007-03-21T21:12:00.000+08:00

There was a time when i lived by faith and not by works...

Coz i had nothing but faith

There was a time when i live by faith but more by works...

Because i thot i was ready.

But now,

I am beginning to realise that...

There is no room for works, only faith...

And my works has to become a product of my faith,

Coz the more i learn about God...

the more i realise there is so little in man....

What works has we but that which the Lord has given for us to live out by faith that it will bring results....

Coz only God makes everything grow...

I am only watering....

Let faith be accompanied by works and let works become a product of faith...

Hair Therapy

2007-03-19T16:34:00.000+08:00

Tis been exactly one week since we cut hair...hair therapy i call it...after we had our presentation and after i received the worst results since the day i stepped into NUS...

Today, i was reminded once again of the amount of work weighing on us when my friend recounted the datelines and the projects that we have at hand...

Oh well, something fun for me here...

he was the first to cut hair coz it was too dishevelled....look at that smug looking face!

He was like a small boy, most obedient customer that any hairdresser would like to have...haha..kept his head as straight as possible...look at the design at the side, i like the shaved lines!

This is definitely not her haircut but from a certain angel, she actually looked like she had short bob hair cut...interesting though she din really appreciate this cut initially...oh well, anyway from other angles, it look totally different...

And i had a neat haircut on the day itself when they washed and blew down my hair...haiz...tis no longer so neat now with the blow-dry... but it was good hair therapy...

Kenny cut the next day though i din manage to capture him...

...funny how actions are coordinated when people stay in hall...

Then again, we got to find fun amidst datelines...

God, help us tide thru this period.....

Testify about my God

2007-03-13T17:47:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I told God i need to meet Him...

I need Him to meet me...

I have learnt over these few months that God would meet man...

He met Moses in the Tent of Meeting...

And i've always wanted to meet him...

And He reveals Himself from time to time...

Yesterday...i needed to meet Him...

Exodus 33: 18

Moses said,' Please show me your glory.'

As i spread myself under the stars...

I heard the whisper of the wind...

And saw the spectacular sky slowly engulfed by the thick passing clouds...

I saw this...

host webpage http://www.visualsunlimited.com/browse/vu307/vu307476.html

And i was afraid...

I was amazed...

I was in awe of the Majesty of my Lord...

Who can stand before Him?

Let alone see His Glory in its Fullness...

Who am I?

Psalm 8

3 When I consider your heavens,

the work of your fingers,

the moon and the stars,

which you have set in place,
4 what is man that you are mindful of him,

the son of man that you care for him?

And when i did my bible reading later on...

He said this...

Deuteronomy 31:15

And the Lord apeared in the tent in pillar of cloud. And the pillar of cloud stood over the entrance of the tent.

I thot He din reveal Himself to me...but i was wrong...He did and it was so real...and my heart feared and my heart recognised the Lord though my mind failed to see Him..

The Lord has been so real...

Thank you God :)

I was tired but now i am refreshed

2007-03-12T23:43:00.000+08:00

work till 5am on Monday...all through Sunday Night...

... ...

slept for 2+ hours before preparing for presentation...

... ...

went for presentation and received my test results

... ...

Cried.

... ...

Slept.

... ...

Cut my hair

... ...

Talked on the phone and went for dinner

... ...

How did God refresh His little Girl?

_____________________________________

by showing me the Fear of the Lord through nature and its wonder...

The clouds and the shooting star...

Through a talk with Gerard...

Through a time of prayer...

Through a talk with Hansel...

... ...

Through the rest (sleep) that is awaiting me...!

Who says life is easy all the time?

Din He tell us to carry the cross and follow Him?

Din He say,

'The Lord is near to the broken hearted and saves the crushed in spirit.'

(Psalm 34:18)

Therefore, i will yet again say,

Psalm 117

1Praise the LORD, all nations;

Laud Him, all peoples!

2For His lovingkindness is great toward us,

And the truth of the LORD is everlasting.

Praise the LORD!

Let Go and Let God

2007-03-11T01:23:00.000+08:00

So many a times, we find ourselves called to do so much....

so many a times it felt too heavy...

so many a times we sought to do it as though it is an obliging and painful task...

We clung on to all that we have as though they were ours, as though we possess them...and only we can work it out with our hands...only we are capable...*snigger*

-But we can only do this much...to cling on for dear life and think that we are at our best...-

We dun seem to realise the existence of the One greater than us who is constantly involved and perpetually by our side, interested in what we are doing...Calling us to where we are now...and deciding what we are doing...

In our striving, we sought to leave our footprints behind in everything...to claim credit...in our striving, the best we can offer is only what the flesh can offer...and everytime the flesh is in control, we are not at our best...dun think the prideful self will concur with this...
And we forgot about the footprints of the One slained for our sake...

We forgot that He is here with us...

We forgot that His Strength is greater than ours...

We wrestle and lay claims on all that we dun have to hold on to...

Including the pain, fears, sufferings, weariness etc.

You said...

'Let me walk with you, use my strength...

child, i am your strength,

my ways are higher than your ways...

seek me out...

i want to carry you through the desert...'

28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."(Matthew 11:28-30)

Yet time and again, we say,

"We feel safer when we are in control..."

Church, Let Go and Let God...

i am blessed..by my BLESSED LORD...

2007-03-08T14:05:00.000+08:00

Host webpage http://www.pointsouth.com/dixiemart/valframe/newmark/vaughan?D=A with the image in its original context.

I am called! Hee....pleasantly surprised...You are laying my path and directing my steps!

*blink*

...to be shown my place....to received a revelation of myself... to noe a little of who i am made to be...

To see the clientele group that i might be created to bless....to accept a little of who i can be...that i might be able to work with them...youths....adolescents...to be in need of time to myself, yet....to enjoy the presence and company of others...needing little private space...tt's shuyi...me! His own...a Christ-ian...

No need to hurry or rush....slowly searching...for my place on this earth...my place where i can be blessing the most in the season most suited for me....as i learn...as i slowly seek...

Thank you God....i am so pleasantly surprised by how ready you reveal your plans....by your guidance....by the glimpses of Your Mighty Works....by You....

Thank you :)

It was God, not me...

2007-03-06T20:47:00.000+08:00

To you whom i am called to serve with...

I am so surprised to find myself mentioned in your blog...

Totally unprepared for your descriptions.

I dunno wat to say...but...

"Who am I?"

I kept asking...

"How is it possible?"

You whom i respect...

I am speechless...

I dun understand...

If there anything i can safely say...

It is...

'Praise be to God'

'for i am so undeserving'

And thank you for your affirmation.

Emmanuel

2007-03-06T18:49:00.000+08:00

My brain juice is used up.

I am responding psychosomatically to the 5 hours of intense project group discussion...breaking out into cold sweats and experiencing hot flushes...and i noe that my lump is growing because the veins at the back of my neck are really tight...tugging at me...

I called up Danny and realised that he is so stressed out....tired and drained from the immensity of work on his side...

End up, i sang worship songs over the phone to him and to God...hoping that it makes him feel a little better...

well...i was ministered through the songs...at least someone (myself) benefited...

My headache is not gone...but tis ok...i had a good time just now just rotting in my room...

RESTING.

Thank God that today is such a blessing coz through the stress, the brainstorming, the discussion, the singing, the phone conversation...through it all...GOd has shown Himself to be EMMANUEL...and that is so comforting to His weary ones...to me.

The presence of the Lord satisfies....

He is Sufficient.

He is more than SUFFICIENT.

Praise you Father :)

ooohhhh...i love God's standards and blessings!

2007-03-03T01:33:00.000+08:00

Today i learnt about God's GENEROSITY!

And i am soooo thankful that He is such a Giving God!

And He is so into details! The minute details in my life....

I like the idea of my Lord being so exact about beauty, goodness, order, purity, holiness etc...

I like the idea that my Lord has such beautiful and uncomprehensible standards...

I love the God who not just observe the happenings in the lives of His own

But also seeks us out and gives generously to us...

I am so blessed to have a God who cares about my needs...

And settles my wants ...

only asking for me to seek His Righteousness and Kingdom

though i really struggle with that...

*i dun even noe how to express myself*

But i am just elated to noe that the little details are looked into and turned into great blessings for His own...

He is just so ready to give....to give life and to give it so abundantly...

And i dun have to worry when He is handling everything coz His aesthetics, His choice, His order, His EVERYTHING far surpasses the understanding of man...

And those who noe me and my anal habits will understand y i just love my God so much and is so glad to be blessed by Him....and blessed in so many ways with such high quality blessings...never sub standard, never inferior, never boring....

And never too little as long as i ask, i will receive if i ask in His will and in Faith...not because i am some high and mighty fellow but because He is SOOOOOO generous...

I am so thankful...

My God is simply AWESOME!

*My! Beyond Words!*

Sin, Me and my Lovely Jesus!

2007-03-02T01:09:00.000+08:00

Some thoughts that linger on...

Our words show the condition of our innermost heart condition.

If God says one thing and everyone on earth says another, God is right and everyone is wrong.

Jews have plenty of advantages but they are no better before God than Gentiles; the same can be said of Christians.
Christians have plenty of privileges but they are no better before God than others if not for the blood of Jesus.

Romans 3:12
There is no one righteous, not even one BECOZ no one is righteous except for my Lord Jesus.

We are not sinners becoz we sin, we sin becoz we are sinners.

With the law comes sin, thank God, with Jesus comes Grace.

When you comes to terms with your depravity, then will you find yourself needing God so badly.

Hee....crap stuff!

2007-02-27T17:16:00.000+08:00

Oh this is so so so beautiful!!! I like them so much!
They can be found at http://duckzbunny.blogspot.com/ but quite ex....

Oh oh i haven posted a photo of my room...this is how it looks like....but the table quite messy...
And this is how my fingers look after i practised on the guitar...PAIN!!! but i am enjoying it!
Hahaha....in the mood of posting pictures....

Praise the Lord, our Refuge, Help and Rock

2007-02-27T12:29:00.000+08:00

Psalm 20

1 May the LORD answer you when you are in distress;

may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.

2 May he send you help from the sanctuary

and grant you support from Zion.

3 May he remember all your sacrifices

and accept your burnt offerings. Selah

4 May he give you the desire of your heart

and make all your plans succeed.

5 We will shout for joy when you are victorious

and will lift up our banners in the name of our God.

May the LORD grant all your requests.

6 Now I know that the LORD saves his anointed;

he answers him from his holy heaven

with the saving power of his right hand.

7 Some trust in chariots and some in horses,

but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.

8 They are brought to their knees and fall,

but we rise up and stand firm.

9 O LORD, save the king!

Answer us when we call!

Praise be to God who hears the prayers of mere man!
Praise be to God who answers us when we are in distress!
Praise be to God who send protection, help and support!
Praise be to God who remembers and accepts our sacrifices!
Praise be to God who grants us the desires of our hearts!
Praise be to God who makes us plans succeed!
Praise be to God who allows us to be His Anointed!
Praise be to God whose Name we put our trust on!

May all praise, glory and honour be unto you forever and ever!

We are called here and now.

2007-02-23T14:00:00.000+08:00

Was praying for God to use me mightily when i thot of all the social work friends around me...

And i began praising God....

I dun think it is by chance that we are all brought together...

Definitely not...

And i really believe that God is working in our midst and blessing us mightily, equipping us to shine for Him in this world

I am so absolutely convinced that we are surely going to shine for Christ as his soldiers, children etc in wherever we go....we will be built up, we will be a blessing....

WE will Shine For CHRIST for He lives in Us and i rejoice in the LOrd who Delights in his children....

I am surely blessed where i am....

Acts 17: 25-28

25And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else.

26From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live.

27God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us.

28'For in him we live and move and have our being.' As some of your own poets have said, 'We are his offspring.'

Thank You for walking this journey with me, us, everyone...

2007-02-22T12:54:00.000+08:00

Everyone is happily studying in the library....!

I am happy too!

Happily reading blogs and now blogging! :)

Was just reading about the lives that each individual is leading and thinking to myself...

God you must be really busy; but then again, if you are God, Mighty and Powerful, i guess without the constraints of time and resources, you can do an amazing job managing each of our destiny...

Then again, i really dun understand anything about what you are doing and i dun seek to understand....coz i noe i am dull and stupid as a little human being and you made me intelligent as i am made to be...i will be your little Girl, your Own and that's enough for me...more than enough...

Father God, you noe, i can't understand anyone around me coz you set all of us on different paths with different histories, personalities and characters...sometimes everyone just feel so remote and distant coz we each have our own lives to lead...

But You, You are so near to each of our hearts, so close to our hearts, only You can get that close and only You can walk this journey of life with us, walk through our thoughts and dreams, our mistakes and our little victories, our joy and our pains with us...that's why You are so dear to me at least....but ya la...u are so dear to me for uncountable reasons...

Each of our lives so carefully and beautifully engineered by You, Your fingerprints are all over my past, present and future, in the lives of everyone on this earth...wow!

At times like this, when everyone seemed to be leading a life of their own, when everyone has to go through different seasons, when everyone has different callings and directions in life...When i suddenly feel like i will never understand anyone...

I remember You and i thank You for Your presence made the world of difference, i noe there is Someone who understands everyone...i noe that i am not left alone, i noe that neither of my suffering friends are alone, i noe that many are sharing their joy with You, i noe that Your presence and Your Eyes that penetrate the hearts of man is with us and on us...

And i just wanna thank You....

Thank You that man can have no anonymity, confidentiality or privacy in life because there is never a time when there is only 'me'....it will always be 'us'....'God and man'...

Though some fear this transparency between God and man....i love it....i love it to the core!!!

Thank You for sharing the innermost journey with me...

I invite you to run my heart, soul, mind and strength today....

In my thoughts, emotions, words, actions, etc...

Be with me and lead me, My Shepherd and Lover....

The Maker of Heaven and Earth...

I adore You this moment, today, and i pray forevermore....

Hear my prayer, Father!!!

2007-02-21T15:36:00.000+08:00

MY PAST

Joel 2:25 (New American Standard Bible)
25"Then I will make up to you for the years
That the swarming locust has eaten,
The creeping locust, the stripping locust and the gnawing locust,
My great army which I sent among you.

MY PRESENT

Isaiah 58:12 (New American Standard Bible)
12"Those from among you will rebuild the ancient ruins;
You will raise up the age-old foundations;
And you will be called the repairer of the breach,
The restorer of the streets in which to dwell

MY FUTURE

Revelation 3:12 (New American Standard Bible)
12He who overcomes, I will make him a pillar in the temple of My God, and he will not go out from it anymore; and I will write on him the name of My God, and the name of the city of My God, the new Jerusalem, which comes down out of heaven from My God, and My new name.

PRAYER:

FATHER, I WANT TO PRESS IN WITH MEEKNESS AND HUMILITY, IN AWE AND OVERWHELMED BY MY AWESOME GOD…I WANT TO LOVE YOU WITH EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE AND AT ALL TIMES…TO HEAR YOU SO REAL IN MY LIFE, TO PROPHESY AND PRAY IN YOUR WILL AND NAME…ABIDING IN YOU AND HAVING YOU ABIDE IN ME…FOR YOU ARE IN ME, WITH ME AND THROUGH ME…NEVER LET ME GO BACK TO MY OLD SELF; INSTEAD RULE MY HEART AND MIND IN CHRIST JESUS TO THE HOURS, MINUTES AND SECONDS OF MY LIFE…PLEASE….I WANT TO HEAR YOU WHISPER MY NAME EVEN WHEN I WALK IN THE BUSY WORLD…I NOE U HEAR MY PRAYER…I NOE…ANSWER IT FATHER…

Another New Day...

2007-02-21T11:34:00.000+08:00

I am so physically tired...came to the library to study but i am so tired...

Some funny people was playing the guitar, chatting and laughing late last night...they stopped fooling around close to 4 a.m. and i tossed and turned in bed for as long as i can remember until four plus....waking up here and there in the early morning with every opened doors and chatters of the early birds...y would some sleep so late and others wake up so early?

I was so pissed to the point i told God i understand why pple in the old testament call down curses and i prayed that He will help me not to discriminate that particular ethnic group that caused the noise pollution last night...

This morning, He reminded me that i am sharing the space with many others and of which many have not come to know Christ. There is a lot of expectations coz God's law is written in our hearts and revealed in our consciences but i must realise that those who does not know the Great I Am does not have to walk as children of Light...

...if there is anyone who is going to make a difference, it is going to be me...because i am graciously called by Him into fellowship with Goodness, Beauty and Truth..as Children of Light, Bearer of the light that the world so needs...

I felt that i needed so much time to myself but i too noe that i have no right to pull a long face even if i had a horrible night...too bad...no matter what befalls, we still go out with the joy, grace and love of the Lord...this is what i am learning....

As flowery as some would paint it, i like to say that 'being a new creation' is not an easy process but of course it is no phariseetic act as well...As much as i think i am changing for the Lord, He is helping me to change, As he is changing me, i respond to Him and changes...an evolution of the new self, or a return to how i was made to be...'me' in the hands of my Maker intended for fellowship and worship, for praise and glory, to be dedicated to the Lord Almighty, the Sovereign and Loving...where steadfastness and faithfulness meet, righteousness and peace meet...when His creation is molded and transformed...

What beauty He beholds and what glory has been given to those He calls His Own, to partake in the glorious transformation...

I am delighted
I am honored
I am excited
I am aroused
i am moved
i am changed
i am sanctified
i am...

All in, through and with my Glorious Lord...

Praise you God...

_____________________________________________

Oh...

I am learning how to play guitar at this ripe old age...help me Father, if the earthly Father noes how to give good gifts, how much more will my Heavenly Father give to those who sought to improve themselves to worship you....grant me this little gift....that i may serve you, grant me the determination and the coordination...little by little, or by leaps and bounds, let me find you not just in words but in songs as well...help me to sing a new song to you, to play a melody to you, to dance a little for you...that i may bring joy to You, praise and honour that You so deserves...

Thank You God...Thank you...

Love you, Shoeee!

Tuesdays with morrie

2007-02-20T19:53:00.000+08:00

I just read 'Tuesdays with Morrie'.

Cried from the last few chapters till the end of the book...

Ask me why...

I dunno...i have this soft spot for this thing call Love...
love in relationship between human beings

Love in a family especially

Love in a marriage

Love displayed

My little heart understands not the big and great things of the world
it has little wisdom and knowledge...

But it understands...a little...about the language of love....thankfully...

Showered with much, i haven mastered the skill of giving...

but tis okay...

i am learning and....

MORE SOOOOO...

My God is a God of LOVE....

And i am in Him....

He has made me the way i am...

The silly girl who is moved to tears (EVERYTIME) when she sees one saying "i love you" to another...

Seeing ronghui's birthday celebration moves me to tears....
Seeing the video in class about marriage moves me to tears....

Nonetheless, i thank God i am made of tears....at least this silly heart with prideful mind can never stand against the moving scenes when love is displayed and magnified...

Thank You God for who i am..for how useless and how easily i tear (in the eyes of the world)...for how weak i am in the face of Love....

Thank you for everything

Thank you for LOVE....

Away from the bustling activities,frm Festive Seasons to where You are..

2007-02-20T12:27:00.000+08:00

This new year is really draining for me...

busyness of the heart...

Fear that i won't get into the good books of Danny's mum...

I din noe my past has such great impact on me and that my fears are so magnified by it...

Think i need a really long time to work with these irrational thots but i guess at the end of the day, the past that serves me for better and for worse in the present can be changed in the future because i have the GOd who is in control of the PAST, PRESENT and FUTURE.

And that really makes the world of difference.

Returning to hall, i heard about others' visitations and i just knew that this new year is another season for me. Unlike the rest, it wasn't a time of walking out as a beacon of light...really...it was more of a struggle to find the peace in the this loud and strange world that i live in...

Just a few days ago, i was thinking: If i am a babe in Christ, then i am truly learning the ways of Christ and this is unfamiliar ground; yet choosing between the familiarity that breeds dissensions and pain, inflict hurts and hurls insults, i would rather re-learn everything all over again...in Christ...

No longer just knowing that the Lord is good....it is also knowing that the ways of the Lord is good and embracing them...loving the Lord and all that is in Him...

Loving the silence of the room...loving the space given to me...an empty room for me and My GOD...basking in the LOVE of the One who calls me His Own, whose voice only His own recognises...

The beauty of the Lord is beheld in silence...where there is little futile words, and actions....loving the privacy that his little girl so needs....

I just want to say: I love you Lord....

With all my heart, this moment, with every moment that i remember you, i wanna say i love you...may this walk be one that is shared with you...reduce the frequency of me wandering away, my Lord....bring me to you at all times...to the place where i find and meet you...to where all honor and glory and power be given unto you...

I praise ...

my Heavenly Father,

my King,

my Sovereign Lord,

my Friend,

my confidant,

my Joy,

my Cross,

my Life,

my Redeemer,

my Love...

Love is in the Air!

2007-02-17T01:34:00.000+08:00

Suffered from blog-reading withdrawal syndrome for the week coz i got no internet connection in hall...

Today i had the opportunity to read everyone's posts and to update myself on the details in my friends' lives...

Technology can be so amazing...

-------------------Anywayz....

Everyone's writing about Valentine's Day! Haha....

So i decided i shall do the same!

Well,

This year is a little different...

I did not have time alone with Danny...in fact, i din even plan to meet up with him.

Felt a little like...ermmzz...it is not a 'must' to celebrate this day because the celebration and whoo haa in itself no longer carry so much weight.

Well, and of course i had lesson till 9pm and i am staying in hall and tis troublesome to travel...

But my dearie was sooo sweet....after 2 days of messages with a little story in each message, he appeared when i was having valentine's day supper with my friends!

He brought with him Kenny Rogers side dishES and a ROASTED CHICKEN and a whole NYDC mocha Cheesecake to celebrate with (not just me but also my friends) us!

So we chatted and he took the time to know my good neighbours and social work buddies....

We din have time alone except a short time of prayer to entrust the relationship to GOd and to Thank Him for His GREAT blessing in this 2 years plus plus...

This V-day is really weird, more like a social gathering...sala...should be a time of fellowship...

YEt, more than ever, i was touched by Danny's little thoughtful acts and everything that happened that fateful night of his appearance in hall...

What i see on this day is not just romantic love but also God's love....a love that is shared, love that is giving, love that is not self seeking or merely couple-focused...

Ya noe, My boyfriend is growing....in Christ, and that has great effects on his relationship with everyone....Coz God is Love.
Danny has shown himself to be more and more loving as he indulges and basks in the love of God...Praise God!

_________________________________

Today, we (me and Dearie) went shopping with my best friend,Jane. Not alone again.

Tis times like these when i tell God: Thank you for Danny....i am loving him more and more not because we are more and more caught up with each other....but because our love can now be shared with more and more people...not all inclusive and selfish.....and tis so beautiful...

God's love can be shared....may Danny and my love be shared with many as well...

Praise GOd...You are the source of love...You are Love....You never fail for love never fails...

GLory be to your Name...to You...may honor and blessing and power be to you...the Perfect Love and Perfect Lover of Man....

Beyond understanding, Your Love CHANGES our lives...who are we that you should love us?

PRaise YOu...Hallelujah....Praise You!!! Hosanna!!!! Praise You!!!!!!!!!!!!!